It seems that some dads are too imbued with the idea of fatherhood and caring for the health of future offspring. Today’s letter is about that.
“I am one of those who are usually called zozhniki. I was brought up like this: Mom and Dad watched over their health, we went on long walks, hikes, went to the sea, no one had bad habits, but everyone did exercises and ran in the morning. With age, I have not lost these habits and am very grateful to my parents for bringing up this culture of self-care in me. And my husband is the same – a zozhnik. I wish I knew how it would backfire on me …
When we just started meeting with Artyom, I could not get enough of it: handsome, athletic, we have similar views on life, lifestyle too. Together we went to the gym for jogging, there was never any disagreement over nutrition. Solid harmony. After a year and a half we got married, and now I am pregnant with our first child. And since then, as I announced that I was expecting a child, Artyom seemed to be replaced. He’s watching me paranoid now. But not in terms of jealousy, but in terms of health.
He knows better than me when to go to the next appointment, what tests to take, what vitamins to take. He drags me on walks, even when I just want to lie down – you understand how tired you sometimes feel. “You have to move” – that’s all. Keeps track of what and how much I eat, so that, God forbid, I don’t go overboard with calories. “Then you’ll say thank you that you won’t have to dump a lot,” he seriously thinks so.
My mother is only touched: “He is so caring for you.” And I want to cry from his care – I am under such control that I can not afford anything, in Artyom’s opinion, superfluous. Cake, candy, cookies, even marshmallows are all prohibited. To the cinema? In a cafe with your friends? In no case! “Now is the SARS season, suddenly you catch the virus, it’s too dangerous.” Not life, but a sterile solitary cell.
He has already read more literature on pregnancy, childbirth and newborn care than I have. And I get scared from his fanaticism. It seems that he doesn’t even have any feelings: neither emotion nor tenderness. Only one desire to perfectly realize this “project” is my pregnancy.
And recently he said that I would give birth without epidural anesthesia. He will be present at the birth and will definitely follow up on this. I was just dumbfounded when I heard this! “It’s unhealthy. There is a risk that you will have long migraines afterwards. There have been cases of women in labor falling into a coma after epidural anesthesia. And I’m not sure that such an intervention in the mother’s body during childbirth will not affect the health of my child, ”he calmly pronounced it in my face. Hurt? So what, our mothers gave birth without these nonsense, and I will give birth.
At that moment, I finally realized that Artem perceives me simply as an incubator. “My child” – as if it was not my child either!
And I could not resist. She said that if he plans to continue in the same spirit, then he will not see me again. In the end, who will give birth – to me or to him ?! Where did he get the idea that he had the right to dispose of me, my health, to decide everything for the three of us alone?
She said – and went for a walk, although more than anything else I wanted at that moment to lie in bed with my face in the pillow and cry. But it seems that if I do not defend myself now, then it will be even worse. And I don’t want to leave Artyom. I still remember why I fell in love with him. I hope this temporary insanity against the backdrop of imminent paternity will pass.
And right now, I’m sitting in a cafe, drinking a cappuccino-free cappuccino and eating the world’s most delicious cheesecake – slowly, spoonfully. Lord, what a happiness it is! “