He said so: “You are old, and I am still so young!” But we are only two years apart. Then he apologized, but the relationship began to crumble, and I can’t even think about intimacy with him …
Natalia, 44 years
Natalya, even jokes on this topic sometimes hurt: “It’s good to become a grandfather, one thing is bad – now you have to sleep with your grandmother.” Fu-u … But if you think about it, this joke is about the inadequacy of the perception of age. And the real target of mockery is not “grandmother”, but “grandfather”. You write that on the day your husband said those words, you spent seven hours behind the wheel: that’s a lot! Only you conclude from this that you are tired and did not look your best, and therefore he … But there is a completely different side to this.
Your husband has had a heart attack. And the fear of death sometimes takes bizarre forms … You are a strong, hardy woman. You – yes, and he? Envy is a condemned feeling and therefore often takes on unconscious forms. For some men, it is not easy to come to terms with the fact that the wife is stronger, healthier than them. Which means – younger, which means they will live longer.
It’s hard to get used to this: I’m young, and you’re old! In my opinion, your husband is not a villain, he was just very scared – not only of death from a heart attack, but simply of the inevitability of death. And before that – old age, helplessness, illness.
Yes, in most couples, the man dies first – women are really hardier and more durable. From which it does not follow that you need to drive yourself away: this will only make it worse for both, while your husband is afraid, envious and cannot come to terms with the inevitable aging, and you play along with him, taking on all the hard and tiring things. How to change this “dance” is a difficult question, but solvable.