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Should children be allowed to go on a diet, will it undermine their health? And what is behind their desire to lose weight? These are questions that worry many parents. Answered by a psychologist, a specialist in the field of eating disorders Maria Pakshina.
“The daughter wants to be like Vodianova, she hardly eats, but she still has to grow and grow! laments 35-year-old Anna, the mother of 13-year-old Alina. “I tried to dissuade her, but where is it, they just quarreled!” Today’s children begin to worry about attractiveness and sexuality much earlier than their own parents did in their time. The age of those who lose weight is noticeably decreasing: almost half of children aged 9-11 are on a diet in order to lose weight. Why is this happening? Much of the responsibility for this rests with advertising, television, and popular publications that promote emaciated models as the ideal of beauty, as well as the community of our children’s peers who strive to live up to this ideal and sometimes cruelly ridicule those who do not live up to it. The role of parents in this case is especially important – it is they who are able to help their child avoid many mistakes and calmly figure out what is happening with his weight.
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- My daughter, her weight and me
How to talk to a child?
If he told you that he intends to lose weight, talk to him about this topic, without giving judgments. Do not dismiss his idea: “Ah, do not talk nonsense”, do not pass judgments: “No way, what are you!”. Try to understand what problems may have caused him weight concerns (self-doubt, conflicts at school, with peers, and so on) and talk to him about these topics. Ask what made him think about losing weight, what methods he is going to do it, what he wants to achieve and what he expects after achieving his goal. And also think together, in what other ways, besides changing weight, you can solve this problem.
The child, as a rule, wants to be accepted in the peer environment, so he tries to meet the standard of behavior and appearance that is valued in this circle. And this is not bad at all, because this is the way we all learned to find our place in the team. But it is equally important for a child to be able not to forget about himself, to hear himself and understand his own needs. Gently ask how far he is willing to go to meet the expectations of others, and what is already outside his comfort zone. In other words, help him learn to say no. To do this, it is important that family members are ready to know his preferences and needs, without anger and irritation to hear his refusal to do or be anything. This does not mean that the child should be relieved of all household responsibilities and the need to study – but let him have a time and place when he can follow his preferences and tastes (for example, his room, his free hour / evening, and so on).
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- “I never dreamed of losing weight”
More focus on family relationships
“Today, many people associate happiness with social status and success. And often parents wish their children just such happiness, which includes a prestigious job and education, status things (car, house, yacht, expensive gadgets), external gloss. This approach – focusing on external attributes rather than internal values - creates an environment for the emergence of food addiction.
Also, the concern of parents (most often mothers) with the harmony of their own figure, their appearance and proper nutrition leads to the fact that the child tries to meet the standard established in the family, compares himself with this “ideal” and feels his own inferiority.
What’s the way out? Pay attention to other aspects of life, put in the first place not the appearance, but the personality of the child, family relationships, communication with nature, the ability to contemplate and enjoy the current moment.
Svetlana Bronnikova
“Intuitive Eating. How to stop worrying about food and lose weight
Simplify access to healthy food
If you agree that the child needs to lose weight, proceed carefully and carefully. Increased appetite and cravings for sweets are natural companions of adolescence, so do not be afraid of this. Pay attention to the diet of the whole family (not the child). Make the menu varied, make sure that the house has something useful to eat, and not just sausage and chips. Make fruits, vegetables and dairy products available to everyone so that the child can take them. And a vase with sweets can be replaced with dried fruits.
Organize for the whole family and for the child a place and time for relaxation and pleasures that are not related to eating. Watching a movie should not be associated with chips and Coca-Cola, a trip to the forest – only with barbecue, and a family celebration mainly with a feast. A shared meal is a bonding ritual (such as Sunday breakfast or dinner) in many families, but it should not be the family’s primary way of relaxing and enjoying themselves.
- 46% of children 9-11 years of age with a frequency of “sometimes” to “very often” diet, 82% of their families behave in the same way1.
- 50% of adolescent girls and 30% of boys resort to unhealthy eating behaviors to control their own weight. These can be: skipping meals, avoiding a large number of foods from the diet, smoking tobacco, artificially inducing vomiting, taking laxatives2.
1 A. Gustafson-Larson & R. Terry «Weight-related behaviors and concerns of fourth-grade children». Journal of American Dietetic Association, 1992.
2 D. Neumark-Sztainer «I’m, Like, SO Fat!» (The Guilford Press. 2005).
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- “Because of shame, I lost 10 years of my life”
Explain how models are imaged
Advertising images distort our perception of beauty, especially in children and adolescents, as their ability to think critically is still developing. Therefore, they sometimes try to make a deliberately unattainable ideal their goal. Parents can give their children a more realistic view of how the media works. Tell us that photos of celebrities in magazines are processed in special programs, any flaws and physiological features are removed – we see a perfectly even skin color, the complete absence of pores, wrinkles and unwanted hairs. The proportions of the body also change: the chest increases, the waist narrows. Advertising images are deliberately designed to evoke a sense of inferiority in consumers, which they are immediately invited to fill by purchasing the advertised product or service (face cream, shampoo, fashionable outfit or Botox injections). This scheme works perfectly, since no product can lead to the proposed ideal, and the buyer will look for new means to get even a little closer to it.
A more realistic picture of the world will allow your child to make more informed choices about what to strive for and what ideal to live up to.
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- “Healthy Eating” Leads to Obesity and Diabetes
Embrace Your New Teenage Status
During adolescence, a child’s body begins to change. Some children stretch out sharply, turning into reeds, others, especially girls, can noticeably spread out, “round up”. Sometimes parents can’t help but comment on this, and their own words can make a teenager think that he needs to lose weight. Therefore, first of all, we parents should recognize that our sons and daughters have already ceased to be children and are turning into young men and women.
Never compare your child to other children, make jokes or allow others to make comments about your child (for example, aunts and grandmothers love to pat on a round cheek – even such a trifle can hurt a teenager). When parents respect the new body of a teenager, then it is much easier for him to accept his masculinity or femininity. And this is of great importance for self-confidence and later life.
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- Help your child accept himself
Signs of food addiction
When Should Parents Seriously Worry? There are several signs that may indicate the development of a food addiction in a child (anorexia, bulimia, or compulsive overeating).
- Noticeable to others fear of gaining even a little weight.
- Obsessive thoughts about food and weight loss, frequent “Am I gaining?” questions, repetitive negative comments about my own weight.
- A constant decrease in the bar of the desired weight when losing weight (even having reached a very low figure, I want to lose more weight).
- A decrease in social activity (not counting communication on the Internet), a desire to retire, to be alone at home.
- Depression, loss of strength, increased anxiety, insomnia.
- Frequent and prolonged trips to the toilet or bathroom after eating (this is done in order to get rid of food eaten), the smell of vomiting from the mouth.
- Use of diuretics, laxatives, enemas, diet pills, antidepressants to lose weight (often without the knowledge of parents and without a doctor’s prescription).
- Increased physical activity despite fatigue, bad weather or illness.
If you notice three or more signs, talk to your child about it. Don’t judge or jump to conclusions. Just try to understand what is happening to him and how he himself looks at it. Do not blame the child for “stupid” behavior or demand from him not to do it again. Food addiction is a severe psycho-emotional disorder: a person suffering from it simply cannot stop thinking about it or control his eating behavior (this may be refusal to eat, periods of uncontrolled overeating, inducing vomiting). Therefore, show as much understanding as possible and try to maintain a trusting relationship with the child.
Often children with food addictions deny they have a problem and refuse to be treated, and this behavior confuses parents. But there is a way out: in this case, the parents themselves (without a child) should consult with a specialist in food addiction (psychologist or psychotherapist). Parental counseling has been proven to be an effective treatment for adolescent food addictions1.
1 P. Rhodes at al. «The Maudsley model of family-based treatment for anorexia nervosa: a qualitative evaluation of parent-to-parent consultation», Journal of Marital and Familytherapy, 2009, № 35 (2).
Have a question? Center for Psychological Correction of Food Addictions and Overweight “Bereg”, t. (495) 729 9536,