It is believed that physical complexes arise in adolescence. But they also concern younger children. What can make a child say he’s ugly? How to react ? How to help him to accept himself? When to worry Answers.

“Dad, mom, I think I am ugly ”. It is a very hard sentence for parents to hear. And for good reason, all parents find their child (ren) beautiful! This notion being subjective, it is possible that an individual is confronted one day or another with criticisms on his physique. In children, questions about their physique begin to arise most often when they enter school.

Around the age of 18 months, a child recognizes himself in the mirror. This is an important milestone since it is from there that he builds his identity and identifies with an image. During the first years of his life, the people around him are essentially his family. He is therefore pampered, congratulated when he passes the key stages of his development (walking, cleanliness, etc.) and very often complimented on his physique.

As he grows up, the child will give importance to his image. This importance will depend on the importance given to the physical in its environment. If beauty is something valued in his family, he will automatically attach importance to it and may feel attacked at the slightest criticism of his physique.

The complexes usually appear around 9-10 years old when children become aware of the standards of beauty conveyed by society. But it can happen before or sometimes later, around adolescence.

If your child tells you that he is ugly, it is because he has been told or because he judges his physical appearance below specific beauty criteria.

In the first case, a criticism from the outside (a classmate) can accentuate a physical peculiarity that the child had already noticed himself. For him, the fact that his physical defect is pointed out to him on several occasions, a slightly hooked nose for example, can give rise to a real complex.

In the second case, it is the child himself who will compare himself to people complimented on their physique and realize that he does not meet the criteria of beauty that surround him. Social networks, on which swarm idealized looks that do not conform to reality, are also generating more and more complexes in children and adolescents.

First of all, don’t try to cut the conversation short and dismiss the issue by denying what your child has just said. The classic phrase “No it’s wrong, you are very beautiful. Do not believe what you are told ”will not be enough to reassure your child.

Instead, try to find out what makes him say he’s ugly: “Why do you think you’re not handsome / beautiful? Have you been criticized for your physique? ”. Once the origin of the problem has been mentioned, it is important to reassure the child by explaining to him in particular that beauty is something subjective.

In life, some people will find it ugly and others beautiful. There is no one type of beauty, that conveyed in magazines, social networks and on TV. If he’s focused on one particular physical flaw, show him that public figures have the same flaw as him and that they’ve made it a strength and that many people find them beautiful.

You can also talk about your own experience. We all had complexes in childhood or adolescence. The child will feel less lonely if you tell them that you too have had complexes in the past but these have dissipated over time and that has not stopped us from pleasing other people.

Also, help him take a step back from the looks he thinks are beautiful on TV, in magazines or on Instagram. These rarely conform to reality because photoshoped or covered with beautifying filters.

Finally, show him that there are tips (clothing, hair, make-up, etc.) to hide or reduce certain physical defects.

If the discomfort linked to physical complexes has lasted for a long time and handicaps the child on a daily basis (he no longer wants to go to school, avoids going out in public, etc.), it is better to consult a doctor or a psychologist. As for children suffering from overweight, it is necessary to help them feel better about their bodies. Weight loss can then be undertaken. Again, seek medical advice, but do not impose a diet on the child yourself.