We decipher with Sabine Duflo, clinical psychologist and family therapist, author of “When screens become neurotoxic: let’s protect our children’s brains”, ed. Marabout.
In class, between children got into the habit of copying from their CE1 neighbor. In sports or during family board games, he collects imaginary points and changes the rules of the game to his advantage. “No wonder these kids are just entering the age of reason and want to win and be the best. Often, this is the easiest solution they can find to secure victory! », Reassures Sabine Duflo.
We try to understand his motive
“Every child has a more or less strong propensity to cheat, it is natural”, explains the psychologist. To understand his motivations, we observe him to understand the context that prompts him to act in this way. Maybe he can’t bear to lose. Perhaps also that he is not yet aware of having to respect the constraints. Or that he already has a temper to want to bend or break the rules? If he plays bad faith only in the presence of the same person, he surely feels inferior to her. But if the cheating is permanent, it evokes a possessive character. He then seeks to eliminate competitors and potential predators! Sometimes it is painful, failure leading to scenes of panic, anger, even violence. “More generally, this attitude expresses a feeling of insecurity linked to a lack of self-esteem or, on the contrary, to an over-confidence, which it is fortunately possible to rebalance so that this defect does not occur. ‘aggravates’, comments the expert.
a book to think about cheating!
Nicely illustrated, 6-8 year olds will read this book at their own pace to develop their critical thinking on cheating, lying and constraints:
«Is it serious if I cheat? ” by Marianne Doubrère and Sylvain Chanteloube, 48 pages, Fleurus éditions, € 9,50 in bookstores (€ 4,99 in digital version) on fleuruseditions.com
We reframe without dramatizing
It is good to “reframe cheating so as to make it aware that the rules must be respected for the good of all”, advises Sabine Duflo. At home, we can imitate him in the role of the frustrated child to reflect back to him the image of what he feels when he loses at the game. We can also remind him who is the authority and, relentlessly, defend with conviction its positions. It goes through confident words and gestures that will show him what is right and unjust, “the confrontation and reprimands only serving to reinforce his discomfort or, on the contrary, this feeling of omnipotence”, notes the professional. We can also show him the example: losing in a board game is not a drama. We will do better next time, and it will be even more exciting! Until the day when the child will perhaps quote Coubertin himself: “The important thing is to participate! “