Take a turn on the slide, borrow a marker, play next to others, for some it seems very simple. Not for your loulou. If we overtake him in the line of the toboggan, if we take his toy, he remains frozen, as if dumbfounded. However, at home, he knows how to assert himself! But when he is with other children, you no longer recognize him. And that worries you.
A question of temperament
In crèche, childcare auxiliaries observe reactions of empathy, negotiations and contact between children from the age of 6 months. Of course, for a child who has not been in a community until now, going towards the other is new, and less obvious: “At 3 years old, the child does not advance on conquered ground, he is aware of the existence of another, similar and different, ”explains Nour-Eddine Benzohra, pediatrician and psychiatrist *. As long as he is an only child, this further complicates things, by reinforcing his fear, his impression of strangeness in front of the other. But education is not everything: there is also a question of temperament. Some young children assert themselves loud and clear, while others naturally withdraw.
The right to say “no”
This is not behavior to be ignored or to be taken lightly by arguing that you, too, are rather shy, and that it is a family trait: your child needs to learn to say no. He must know he has the right to do so. To help him, we can engage in a role play: you play the “annoyance”, and encourage him to say loudly: “No! I’m playing ! Or “No, I don’t agree!” »In the square, do practical work: accompany him to collect his toy and let him express himself.
A book for parents
“Small illustrated decoder of the child in crisis”, By Anne-Claire Kleindienst and Lynda Corazza, ed. Mango, € 14,95. : cThis very well-done book, written as a practical guide, helps us better understand our emotions, and offers avenues inspired by positive education.
Talk to the teacher
“Sometimes the child does not dare to talk to the parent about it, he is ashamed, afraid of hurting, observes the psychiatrist. Hence the importance of paying attention to how he looks when he leaves school. Indeed, from kindergarten, “Turkish head” phenomena can appear. We must remain vigilant. Ask him: what exactly happened? Has the teacher seen him? Did he tell him about it? What did she say ? We take the time to listen to it calmly. He is reminded that if he is annoyed, he must speak to the teacher. We alert it ourselves if we feel a recurring discomfort in the child. All this without dramatizing, and especially without feeling guilty, even if we have the feeling of having transmitted the gene of shyness to him! “If the parent feels guilty, it worsens the situation, says Dr. Benzohra: the child feels this guilt, he finds himself blocked, helpless in the face of a problem that suddenly takes on an exaggerated scale. To help your child, you must first put things into perspective and play down the drama.