My child wants everything, right away
He can’t wait. What he did yesterday, what will he do in an hour? It doesn’t make sense to him. He lives in the immediacy, he has no time frame to accept to defer his requests. If we do not instantly access his desire, it means “never” to him.
He cannot tell the difference between his needs and his wants. He saw this little car in the hands of a bigger one at the supermarket. For him, owning it is vital: it will make him stronger, bigger. He wants to get your attention. Perhaps you are not very available at the moment, there is not enough time to talk to you. Claiming something from you is his way of claiming love and attention from you.
Learning frustration
To delay or give up your desires is to feel frustrated. To grow happily, a child needs to experience a certain amount of frustration at an early age. Knowing how to accept it will allow him to fit into a group taking others into account, to adapt to social rules, and then, in his love and professional life, to resist disappointments and failures. It is up to the adult to help him cope with this frustration by reducing the drama.
Accessing all his desires is tempting, in order to have peace or just for the happiness of making him happy. However, it is a very disservice to render him: if we never say “no” to him, he will not learn to postpone his requests, to accept the displeasure. As he grows up, he will not endure any constraints. Egocentric, tyrannical, he will have a hard time being appreciated in a group.
How to resist him?
Meet their needs. Is he hungry, thirsty, sleepy? He hasn’t seen you all day and is asking for a hug? If you meet their physiological and emotional needs in a timely manner, the child feels secure, he trusts you more easily when you ask him to defer his desires.
You can anticipate. The rules set out in advance serve as benchmarks. Say, “We’re going to the supermarket, you can look at everything, but I won’t buy you any toys.” “; “I’ll give you two rounds of the merry-go-round, but that’s it.” When he claims, remind him of the rule, calmly and confidently.
Stand firm. Once the decision has been made and explained, there is no need to justify yourself, it’s like that, full stop. The more you get into the negotiation, the more he will insist. Do not give in to his anger: clear boundaries secure him and reassure him. If you’re having trouble staying calm, move away. Don’t always say “no”. Do not fall into the opposite excess: by systematically telling him “no” or “later”, you would make him chronically impatient, an eternal dissatisfied one who would always experience frustration as torture. Give it some immediate pleasures and savor its joy.