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Baby glue pot from one to two years old: a natural need at this age
It is quite natural for the child to be very close to his mother until he is about two years old. Little by little, he will acquire his autonomy at his own pace. We support him in this acquisition without rushing him, because this need does not become important until around 18 months. Between 1 and 3 years old, the child will thus alternate between periods of reassurance, where he will show himself to be a “glue pot”, and others of exploration of the world around him. But at this age, this excessive attachment is not a way to test the limits set by his parents, nor related to a will to omnipotence on the part of the child, because his brain is not capable of it. It is therefore important not to conflict with him by playing who is the strongest or by reproaching him for making whims. It is better to reassure him by giving him the attention he demands, by doing an activity with him, by reading him stories …
A cuddly pot of glue at 3 – 4 years old: a need for internal security?
While the child was more of the curious type and turned towards the world, he changes his behavior and does not leave his mother with a sole. He follows her everywhere, and cries hot tears as soon as she walks away … If one is first touched by her attitude, which can be interpreted as a surge of love, the situation quickly becomes difficult to manage . So how can we help him so that everyone finds a certain freedom?
At the origin of the attitude “pot of glue”, an anxiety of separation
There are several reasons for such behavior in a child. The change of landmarks – for example starting school while you were together until then, a move, a divorce, the arrival of a baby in the family… – can lead to separation anxiety. Your child can also react like this following a lie. “If you confided in him saying that you were coming back later and only got him the next day, he may be afraid of being abandoned. Even if you want to avoid worrying him, you have to remain coherent and clear to preserve the confidence he has in you, ”explains Lise Bartoli, clinical psychologist. If you have told him repeatedly that it is dangerous to walk away from you, or if he has heard violent news items on TV, he may also develop anxiety. Some little ones are, moreover, naturally more anxious than others, often like their parents!
An unconscious request from parents …
If we ourselves feel abandoned, or anxious, we can sometimes unconsciously wait for the child to fill our confusion. He will then satisfy his mother’s need just as unconsciously, refusing to leave her alone. Its side “pot of glue” can also come of a transgenerational problem. You may have experienced separation anxiety yourself at the same age and it may be ingrained in your subconscious. Your child feels it, without knowing why, and he dreads leaving you. Psychotherapist Isabelle Filliozat gives the example of a father whose 3-year-old boy had crying fits and terrible anger when he left him at school. The father then realized that at the same age, his own parents had fired the nanny to whom he was very attached, deeming her presence unnecessary due to her entering school. The child had thus felt that his father was tense, without knowing how to interpret it, and taken charge of the abandonment of which the latter had never mourned! So, the first thing to do is to allay one’s own anxieties so as not to risk transmitting them.
Allay his own fears
Mindfulness, relaxation, yoga or meditation exercises can help by allowing you to understand your own functioning and be able to explain yourself. “You can then say to your child: ‘Mum is anxious because … But don’t worry, Mum will take care of it and it will be better afterwards’. He will then understand that it is an adult concern that can be overcome, ”advises Lise Bartoli. On the other hand, avoid asking him why he is following you, or leaving you alone. He would feel at fault, when he did not have the answer, and that would make him more nervous.
Get help from a psychologist
If despite everything, your child’s worry lasts and he follows you around constantly, do not hesitate to talk to a child psychiatrist, a psychologist … He will help you find the trigger, to resolve the problem. situation. It will reassure your child with metaphorical tales, visualization exercises… Finally, if a major change awaits you and risks upsetting its benchmarks, you can prepare it with books on the subject.