Contents
The imaginary friend, a companion to grow
When Clémentine sits down at the table, she places a chair for Lilo. The chair remains empty? It’s normal: only Clémentine can see Lilo, grown-ups can’t. Lilo is his imaginary friend. |
“When a 4 or 5 year old child invents an imaginary companion, he shows creativity: it is not at all worrying”, reassures Andrée Sodjinou, clinical psychologist. The imaginary friend is a companion who supports it in its development, an alter ego on whom the child can project the problems that he cannot deal with alone. The child has a special relationship with him, as he can with his doll or his teddy bear, except that the imaginary friend is a peer, to whom he can therefore attribute his own fears, his own emotions. This friend is very emotionally invested : no question of being malicious with him, even if sometimes he annoys you. It would be like breaking something the child is holding onto.
A playmate and a confidant
Take a step back. In all his games, your child is guided by his imagination. Isn’t his blanket that consoles him a real companion? You may occasionally remind him that his friend “isn’t really real,” but don’t try to convince him. It is a sterile debate. A child of this age does not clearly distinguish between real and imaginary, and anyway, this border does not have at all the same symbolic value as for us adults. For the child, even if he does not exist for “real”, he exists in his heart, in his universe, and that is what matters.
A “friend” who helps him grow
If your child encourages you to join in the game, follow your instinct and your desire. It might be interesting to chat with this Lilo, but if that bothers you, say no. The imaginary companion must not question the rules of family life, the lifestyle of the child. If it becomes an embarrassment, a constraint, that poses a problem. Start by talking about it with your loulou, to see how he perceives things. But he can only give you the reasons that are within reach of a child. “An imaginary friend who takes up too much space comes to talk about a problem that cannot be said, but which takes up too much space in the child’s life,” explains Andrée Sodjinou.
If this companion becomes source of conflict, ask a shrink for advice. First, go to consult between adults: “The child’s problem often resonates with gray areas of the parents,” recalls the psychologist. Maybe you can find what needs to be said or done so that the situation returns to normal. An imaginary companion is there to help the child to grow up, not the contrary.