He lacks patience and quits everything he started, a situation familiar to many parents of teenagers. Psychologist Svetlana Krivtsova talks about how to help your children better control themselves.
“He seems to have perseverance and will, but only when he is interested in the occupation. What if he doesn’t learn anything? “She loves everything new and can’t stand the monotony – when it comes to daily workouts, when you need to make an effort, my daughter gets cold and disappointed. I’m afraid that she will never be able to love some business for real. Fear for the future of a son or daughter is what primarily worries parents of active, gambling, sociable, addicted children, who sometimes do not complete the work they have begun. As a rule, consulting with a psychologist, they recall that they themselves were teenagers of the same character and their parents then told them: “You will grow up as a lightweight person, because you don’t bring anything to the end.” And now, having become adults, they are so stubbornly striving to complete any business that they cannot give up even the most hopeless … And when communicating with their children, they repeat the behavior of their parents. Let’s try to change this paradoxical situation. There are only three steps, and doing them is not always easy.
Read more:
- How to teach a child to make an effort
Шаг первый
He comes excited and announces that he is starting a new business: he enters the section, enrolls in courses, goes to audition in the studio. He is passionate and excited. Listen carefully to him, sharing his joy and optimistic expectations. And only after that ask about how long, in his opinion, he will be engaged in this business. Ask casually, without pressure. Teenagers usually answer: “Until graduation”, “Long” or “Always”. You do not doubt the sincerity of his intentions and say: “If you are so sure of this, it will not be difficult for you to conclude an agreement with me that you are like going there for two months” (choose some real time, but still longer, than his usual infatuation period). “Deal? Do you have a word?” The usual answer is “No problem!”
Шаг второй
The teenager comes home from work. He is extremely annoyed and loudly indignant: the coach or the director, the guys or the rules of the section, something or someone annoys him terribly. You feel that he is preparing a springboard in order to announce his decision to quit classes (as he has done more than once). Listen carefully, understand the essence of the conflict. Sympathize and still say: “Remember, we agreed that you would walk until the end of the first quarter? There are only three weeks left. Choose: suffer a little in order to still keep your word, or quit the section now?
Read more:
- Why do teenagers not want to grow up?
Step Three
This step is perhaps the most important. When the term of the restrained word has expired, arrange a quiet little holiday, the meaning of which is clear only to you, the initiates. Tell him that you are proud of him. Clearly and clearly describe what positive results he received while studying in this circle or section, but even if there are no results, the subject of your pride is his will, ability to keep his word and overcome difficulties. You can give some small gift, specially prepared for this occasion. Perhaps in the future this little souvenir will become for your teenager a means of self-management of his character. And a symbol of normal relations with parents who understand him.
Of course, you understand that your contract with your son (or daughter) is without witnesses. Leave the child who broke the word the opportunity to save face.