Why is he screaming? It seems to be full, and dry, and healthy. Rather than deliberately harassing? Some parents intuitively know how to calm a child. Many are irritated, and then tormented by guilt. Child psychologist Irina Mlodik tells how to cope with emotions.
The child is full, he is warm and dry, but … he still screams angrily, demandingly. There is such despair that you want to run to the ends of the world. And this impulse is immediately replaced by a feeling of guilt … Parents react differently to the crying of infants. Some instinctively know what to do, others feel helpless from the fact that they are not able to unravel the cause of children’s tears. To this feeling are added fatigue and fear (“Is something serious with him?”) And shame (“Everyone will think that I am a bad mother if I cannot calm him down”). The excitement of the adult is transferred to the child, and a vicious circle occurs.
“Children’s cry, piercing and demanding, was conceived by nature so that the baby could survive,” explains child psychologist Irina Mlodik. – After all, if his mother does not hear him, he will die, because he cannot take care of himself. Crying often indicates his vitality, energy, and vice versa – too quiet behavior can be a symptom of illness or depression in infants. Refusal to cry loudly is, in fact, a child’s refusal of life.
But how to resist this manifestation of vitality and not explode? “Study your baby’s cry,” advises Irina Mlodik. – After all children cry in different ways from pain, hunger, discomfort, or simply boredom. Listening to the baby every day, you can easily distinguish the nuances. Do not compare him with other children: some calm down quickly, while others, more excitable, need to scream to fall asleep – give them that opportunity. Regular crying during feedings can indicate a digestive problem, and this, like daily hysterical crying, should be discussed with the pediatrician. If these reasons are excluded, pay attention to yourself. After all, the child feels well the state of the parents, especially the mother. Often, his crying reflects her anxiety, which in the absence of help from other family members only intensifies. If you have nowhere to wait for support, put your son (daughter) in the crib with the words: “I will calm down now, and then I will come and help you.” When you come to your senses, it will be much easier for you to understand the child. Finally, come to terms with the fact that crying disturbs those around you. If your child had a button, you would certainly turn it off. And the desire to immediately “shake” the baby, caused by a sense of shame, will not lead to the proper result.
Irina Mlodik, Gestalt therapist, existential psychologist.
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The books “Little Children and Their Mothers”, “Conversation with Parents” by Donald Winnicott, a brilliant psychoanalyst, will support parents and reduce their anxiety (Klass, 2011, 2012).