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A delicate transition to manage
Every morning, it’s the same story. Baby chirps and smiles at us as we get him ready for his day with the nanny at home. But as soon as the doorbell rings and she arrives, her face darkens and the crying starts not to stop until we leave. These heartbreaking separations are the lot of many parents when going to work, further accentuating the guilt of leaving your toddler in the arms of another!
We prepare ourselves for separation
It must be said that for several months, we were often alone with him, and entrusting him to a third person is a sometimes painful step, for us as for him. “ The mother must first be ready to leave her child, explains Bernadette Lemoine, psychologist and author of “Mom don’t leave me”(Ed. Saint-Paul). It is a kind of mourning that she must accept, even if it is quite normal that it is difficult. She must get to focus on the positive aspects, like going back to work, and finding a more active social life. »As for the child, to prepare him for this great upheaval, it is better to explain to him that he has the right to be angry or sad, and to emphasize the fact that he is going to discover a new world where he will be able to grow, with an attentive person available for him in our absence.
We do not leave baby when he is sleeping!
When the suffering and the crying are incessant, some symptoms can worry, underlines the psychologist: ” If for several days the baby refuses to sleep, to eat, all crowned with tears as soon as it is put down without there being any progress, it is necessary to consult. We also have to make sure of the affection she will have for the child, because he needs this attachment to feel safe.. »When the parent has to leave, you have to implement the most gradual separation possible, and not leave your child when he is sleeping or has his back turned. On the other hand, there is no reason to feel guilty if we leave him crying in the nanny’s arms after trying to calm him down and say goodbye to him: “ Often times, they stop crying as soon as the parents are gone!The most important thing is to insist on the fact that we leave him but that we will find him when we get home tonight, and that his mom continues to love him even if he does not see her.
It can help!
Bernadette Lemoine and her daughter Véronique Lemoine-Cordier created MCADS (Mieux Connaître l’Angoisse de Séparation), an association of therapists trained to remedy these specific anxieties.