Friends around you torment with questions, “When are the children already?” The heroine of our material had moments of both despair and joy. She shared her experience of IVF with us.
– Let’s adopt. I’m ready, – said the husband, wiping away my tears for an hour. This was our fourth IVF attempt. And again the flight. These attempts took away not only strength, they took away the most important thing – hope. That everything will work out and we will become parents. I was already thinking about a donor egg, a surrogate mother, but I just could not accept the idea of adoption. My most beloved person, who is doing well with health, will never have a child of her own, because I cannot give birth to him ?! And again I was choking with tears.
– Let’s try again. Last. If it doesn’t work out, let’s go to the orphanage, – somehow the husband said very resolutely, as if he did not leave the right to answer.
Why me!?
The two strips on the pregnancy test appeared pretty quickly. We are 25, we were married for two years, before that we had been dating for almost 7 years (yes, from school) and oh-oh-really wanted a baby. But a few days after the delay, bloody discharge appeared, the doctor did not see the ovum in the uterus on the ultrasound, sighed and shouted to the nurse:
– Urgently call an ambulance, we have an ectopic!
The first anesthesia in my life, an operation and a condition that cannot be described in words. Every hour my best friend called me – to support, to find out how things were, but I could not pick up the phone. She was in the hospital, she had just become a mother, and I knew that I would burst into tears: “Why me ?!”
It was actually clear right away. Inflammation of the ovaries and fallopian tubes at the age of 17, started to a very serious condition. Because I was afraid to go to the doctor, I was afraid to admit to my mother that I was already sleeping with a boyfriend. This is to the question of sex education and the importance of talking with children “about it.”
The pipe was removed. The second one was “cleaned” from adhesions. The doctor consoled: “Do not be upset, with one pipe you will still run for abortions.” It seemed to really cheer me up. Three months later, we went back to trying again. But they were ineffectual. Almost a year has passed. Then I was sent for hysterosalpingoscopy – this is a check of the patency of the fallopian tubes (a contrast agent is injected into the uterine cavity through a catheter, and then using an X-ray or ultrasound to observe its movement through the tubes). My remaining pipe was impassable. The gynecologist in the district clinic sent me for mud therapy, they say, the adhesions will dissolve, don’t worry, but the reproductive specialist at the IVF center, where we came for a consultation, advised not to waste time and do artificial insemination.
“It can’t fail”
It was autumn 2010 and our first IVF attempt. Under the compulsory medical insurance, this procedure was not done then, it took a long time to wait for the quota. 60 thousand rubles at that time was not a little, especially for a young family. But we collected the required amount and were sure that everything would work out. It cannot fail: we are young, the examination showed that otherwise everything is in order for me and my husband. Our first IVF protocol has begun.
For those who have not come across a similar story and do not know how everything happens, I will tell you. From the beginning of the cycle, stimulation of ovulation begins: every morning I injected in the stomach with injections with hormonal drugs that stimulate the growth of follicles. Not one, as happens in the natural cycle, but several at once. It all depends on the response of the ovaries. There were girls with 15-20 follicles maturing. I only had eight. Every three to four days, the doctor monitors their condition using an ultrasound scan and adjusts the dose of the drug.
On the 12-14th day, a puncture is prescribed, under anesthesia, mature eggs are removed from the ovaries, on the same day the spouse donates sperm. Then fertilization takes place in a test tube, embryologists observe how the cells develop. Embryo transfer takes place on days 3-6 (depending on the number, quality of embryos and other factors, the decision is made by the doctor).
Of our eight, by the fifth day, only two embryos remained suitable for transplantation. The doctor was encouraging: they are of very good quality, strong, everything should work out. Through a special catheter, the embryos were introduced into the uterus, prescribed progesterone preparations (this hormone in large quantities secretes the corpus luteum of the ovary, which forms after ovulation, and affects the successful implantation of the fetus in the uterus) and was sent home. These were the longest two weeks in my life – that was how long I had to wait to donate blood for hCG (a hormone that begins to be produced after embryo implantation). I took a vacation from work, I was afraid to walk, stumble, sit down, stand up wrong. But it was all in vain: on the 12th day, menstruation came, and the blood test for hCG showed zero.
Try again!
It was the doctor’s answer to my questions “Why didn’t it work?”, “What is the reason?”, “How to fix it?”
– Nobody will give you an answer to this question, – the doctor shrugged her shoulders. – We need to try again. In most cases, it is about the quality of the embryos.
– But you said that ours were of excellent quality?
– Outwardly – yes, but they could have “breakdowns” at the genetic level, which we cannot see, and this could become the reason. Almost half of all natural fertilization passes unnoticed by a woman, because due to the rapid death of such embryos, there may not be a delay in menstruation.
We changed the doctor, underwent additional examinations and six months later began the second protocol. The doctor changed the drugs, decided not to delay with the transfer until the fifth day, but did it on the third, but nothing came of it. Flying again. It was hoped that some of the embryos would survive until the fifth day, and they could be frozen, but this did not happen.
And a month later, suddenly a delay and two weak stripes. Can not be! But this is really possible, because one pipe has been saved, and miracles happen. It really was a pregnancy. But ectopic.
What difficult times these were: the hope of becoming parents was melting, while more and more questions were pouring in from all sides – “Well, what are you pulling?”
Nobody knew about our history except our parents. I didn’t want to share with friends and family, who were doing well, children were born one after another. I pretended that everything was fine, I said that the children would wait, they say, while we build a career. There really was a cover – a leading position in a large publication.
The only plus in this whole story was that now (when the second tube was removed) it was possible not to be afraid of another ectopic, not to protect herself and enjoy each other. Having survived another unsuccessful IVF attempt, we decided to take a break for a couple of years and change the medical center.
The “verdict” of the psychotherapist
It was a private clinic, where the IVF department was considered the best in the city. The manager was a woman who pioneered artificial insemination in the region. The cost of the program was expensive for her, but we went to her. “She’s a real sorceress!” – I read the reviews of girls on the forums.
Perhaps the manager was one of the best, but she didn’t know how to conjure – our fourth protocol followed the same scenario: few eggs, only two embryos for transfer, new drugs were added to support, which were not there before, but they did not help. Flying again, tears, the same conversation about adoption …
But there was something in this attempt that influenced our further history. One of the doctors who had to go through before IVF was a psychotherapist. At that time, sincere doctors were not yet in trend, they did not go to them so massively, and I sincerely did not understand why I needed to see this specialist, except to take the extra two thousand rubles to the clinic.
I don’t remember very well what we were talking about: something about worries about the parents who raised us in the dashing 1990s, about my brother, about the work that I was absorbed in … But I remembered her conclusion:
“You worry too much about others and not enough about yourself. There is a place in your life for everyone, but not for a child. Perhaps that is why IVF does not work … “
These words caused a wave of indignation and protest. “What nonsense! How can there be no room for a child !? ” – I retold our conversation to my husband. But what the psychotherapist said stuck in my head. More and more often I replayed our conversation with the thoughts “maybe she is right?” And when the circumstances were such that it was possible to leave everything in his hometown and go to Moscow, it was her “verdict” that helped make this difficult decision.
Moving, traveling to Bali and two lanes
We moved in 2015. We were both 31. Parents, relatives, friends remained far away, managerial work was replaced by not so difficult and responsible. And soon we began to look for a clinic for our, as we decided, the last IVF attempt. They did not contact the compulsory medical insurance: we did not have registration, we had to wait, in addition, a certain program was laid for it, from which the doctor would not back down.
Oh, how many centers in the capital that offer artificial insemination. Having called more than a dozen clinics, I realized that only the protocol itself (without examination and drugs) would cost 250-300 thousand rubles. It was very expensive. And we chose the Kulakov Center. This was the only right decision: the country’s leading medical research center for obstetrics and gynecology, where people from all over Russia come to do IVF. The cost of the program not for compulsory medical insurance was acceptable – in the region of 150 thousand rubles.
In October 2016, we began preparations: the doctor prescribed a two-month course of therapy to improve the growth of the endometrium. And then suddenly the company gave me a tour to Bali. Go in a week, and after three – already the protocol. Several years ago, I would have refused one hundred percent: to fly to the other end of the world before IVF !? And if I get sick, if it somehow affects the cells !? But this was our “last” attempt, called “come what may”, and I went.
My magical 7 days! Anyone who has ever been to Bali knows for sure about these first impressions. We were on amazing islands, swam under water with giant manta rays, wandered with bated breath through the Uluwatu temple on a high cliff – this is one of the main shrines of Bali. Then I asked everyone: God, the sky, the sea, the Balinese spirits for everything to work out.
Two weeks after the return, the protocol began. It was not much different from the previous ones. There were even fewer cells than usual – only three. Therefore, the doctor suggested that ICSI be done – this is an additional stage in the IVF procedure, in which the sperm is injected directly into the egg. As a result, there were three embryos, two did not give up, made it to the fifth day. Both were postponed and the longest two weeks were ahead again. This time I was not careful and did not walk like a crystal vase. Immediately after IVF, we went to our hometown for a week and spent time actively. When we returned, I passed hCG.
400! I couldn’t believe my eyes! These numbers meant that everything worked out and the pregnancy began. Just in case, I made a prepared test – there were two strips. Ten days later, the baby’s heart was beating on the ultrasound. I was happy, but I could not rejoice – this “last” attempt, probably, took all my moral strength. But she gave me the hope that we will become parents. What was the decisive factor in this, for the fifth time, which led us to the long-awaited result, I do not know. Another level of the clinic? More experienced doctors? Moving to a different city? Trying to let go of the situation, relax and “come what may”?
– Maybe something really conjured up the Balinese spirits, – the husband joked. He was, I think, ten times happier than me.
Funny and hairy
Nine months of pregnancy was wonderful, but incredibly unsettling. We spared no money and stayed to carry on the pregnancy in the center where we did IVF. Almost immediately after the onset of pregnancy, I fell ill with ARVI and could not recover for a long time. On the fifth week, brown discharge began, I panicked terribly, but nothing happened. And at 16 weeks I had to go to the hospital and sew up the cervix – it began to soften and shorten (this is called isthmic-cervical insufficiency), and this is the threat of premature birth. Every month, in addition to standard tests, I took a coagulogram – a blood test for clotting, since the indicators for important parameters were on the verge, it was necessary, if necessary, to start injecting thinning drugs on time.
Fortunately, nothing terrible happened. After seven years of sterility, at 33, our son was born! In time, a little over three kilograms, 51 centimeters, very funny and hairy. Soon he is four years old. Of course, he is the most wonderful child on Earth, despite the freaks that he sometimes gets up to. And we thought: maybe one more “last” attempt to try or even think about adoption.