Contents
Eight thousands. So many children in Poland are treated for depression. How much is not treated? Nobody knows this, because getting a diagnosis is one thing, and recognizing the symptoms of depression in a young person and going to a specialist with him is a huge challenge for most adults. Especially when, as in the case of Ursula’s son, the child hides a secret that prompts him to take his own life. «He said that he felt unnecessary, that he had nothing to live for and that his life was meaningless. (…). He cried, he really believed what he said ».
- It is estimated that 2% of people suffer from depression. kids. The youngest are only two years old
- The causes of depression in young people vary widely. A difficult situation at home can be an inflammatory factor – parents’ divorce, illness of a family member, but also problems in relations with peers
- In the case of Ursula’s son, one of the problems was the bullying that the boy experienced from his classmate
- – He told him that he was unnecessary, that it was not true, that his parents loved him, that he was stupid and that there is no need for fools in the world, that nobody in this school likes him and nobody wants to be in the same room with him, and that he could actually be kill himself because his life is useless – says Urszula, adding that his son really believed it
- His younger sister also fell ill, whose depression took on a completely different face than that of his brother.
- More information can be found on the Onet homepage
“Mother, you’ll only find out when I’m gone, it’s a secret”
Karol fell ill with depression when he was in the fifth grade of primary school. The crisis was so great that the boy was on the verge of suicide.
– One day, when we were going to training, my son suddenly said that he felt unnecessary, that he had nothing to live for and that his life was pointless – Urszula, his mother recalls. It wasn’t such rebellious talking to get attention. He cried, he really believed what he said. It was terrible because when you hear something like that from your own child, the world collapses – she adds.
After talking to the emergency room dispatcher, she went with her son to the emergency psychiatric emergency. The doctor said that Karol was in such a breakdown that he qualified for treatment in a closed ward. – I refused to be hospitalized. So my son was referred to a psychiatric clinic for regular treatment, along with antidepressants and anxiolytics. They were necessary, without them Karol could not even fall asleep – says Urszula.
It was not known for a long time what caused the crisis in such a young man. – He said: mom, you can’t know, you’ll only know when I’m gone, it’s a secret. He got so lost in all of this that he lost touch with reality.
It turned out that Karol’s depression was triggered by school, and more specifically by the abuse he was experiencing from one of his friends. – He told him that he was unnecessary, that it was not true, that his parents loved him, that he was stupid and that there are no fools in the world, that nobody at this school likes him and nobody wants to be in the same room with him, and that he could actually be kill him because his life is useless – says Urszula.
Karol did not go to school any more. He started pharmacotherapy and consultations with a psychiatrist, but his greatest struggle was at home. – Every morning I used to sit on his bed and say: just get up. Just get up at first. You eat breakfast. Then we’ll see what to do next. You have to fight. Give it a try. Piece by piece – the boy’s mother recalls.
Ursula also suffered from depression once and did not want to hide it from her son. A frank conversation about this opened the boy. – I think it helped him, it helped us to establish a bond, because he saw that I knew what I was talking about, not that I was just standing over him and saying: get over it, man – he points out.
Charles recovered from depression. Today he is in a technical high school, in a year he is graduating from high school. He no longer takes antidepressants but visits a psychiatrist regularly. Just in case, because you never know what will happen in life or whether the episode of depression will come back. For such a situation, the boy has a precisely defined path, he knows what to do.
Now she supports her younger sister, who fell ill with depression at a similar age to him. They go to therapeutic classes together, although the road to them for Kinga was bumpy.
The rest of the article is available under the video.
“I remember a time when I was afraid to enter my daughter’s room in the morning, because I did not know if she was still alive”
– When my son was going through the worst crisis, I kept telling myself: depression is a disease of the whole family, so I cannot lose my second child in all this, I cannot lose my daughter. And I lost her, although in a different way than I was afraid of – emphasizes Urszula.
Kinga has a completely different disposition than her brother, which is why her image of depression was initially completely different. The girl had a huge problem with expressing her emotions, there was a lot of anger, screaming, and verbal aggression. All this, however, was revealed only at home, apart from it, Kinga kept herself in check, suffocated herself. – But these emotions had to be vented and they poured out with great power in safe home conditions – adds the girl’s mother.
At first Urszula did not consider her daughter’s behavior unusual. She is an impulsive person herself, so it seemed to her that her daughter had inherited some traits from her. On top of that, there was the stage of adolescent rebellion and the process of diagnosis towards Asperger Syndrome – it all came together. But when Kinga’s mood began to drop almost overnight, her mother knew that there was something more to it. When thoughts of suicide and self-harm appeared, the girl was already undergoing treatment.
Despite the quick reaction of parents who already knew what the path of treatment was in the diagnosis and treatment of depression, the therapy did not bring any spectacular effect. Kinga was given antidepressants immediately, but she refused to go to a psychologist. She said: “Mom, the best therapist for me is you”. In addition, there were additional burdens.
– I fell ill with cancer and although my daughter did not know about it, she felt that something was wrong. Later, problems at school also emerged, including conflict with peers. In the summer, her state reached its apogee, completely out of control over her emotions. You could see how much he was suffering and how much he was afraid of going back to school. We decided that we would try to have an individual course of education, which turned out to be an ideal “pretext” to persuade her to go to psychotherapy. Although we would have prevented her from experiencing another trauma at school, we presented it to her as a pure “deal”: studying at home is possible, but you start therapy at the same time. Reluctantly, she agreed.
Kinga did not become 100% involved in psychotherapy, but for Urszula the fact that she started consulting a specialist was a huge breakthrough. “I knew something in her head was starting to fall into place, even if it didn’t fully open.” She needed time to trust the therapist – says Urszula.
The girl is still on drugs, in therapy, still experiences energy drops from time to time, but for her mother, the difference between the situation from two years ago and today is colossal. – I can see the difference because I remember what happened in the beginning. I remember thoughts of suicide, I remember self-mutilation, I remember the time when I was afraid to enter my daughter’s room in the morning, because I did not know if she was still alive. Today it happens that Kinga will scream, cry, get angry, but she wants to live. This is the most important. Finally, we see a light in the tunnel, says a touched mother.
A child cannot “pull himself together”
The problems faced by children and adolescents are very different and largely depend on the age of the child. As Izabela Podlecka-Kandyba, a psychologist and psychotherapist who has been working with young people for 20 years, explains, most of them feel unheard.
When it comes to younger children, the main problems are anxiety disorders, inability to cope with emotions, uncertainty, fear, aggressive behavior based on anxiety.
The key here is not to challenge these emotions. The parent must give the child the right to feel and express them. If the baby cries, we don’t say don’t cry. It’s like saying: don’t let your stomach ache. The child has no influence on it.
With older children, parents often say that they have the impression that someone has replaced their child. Suddenly he’s lazy, he doesn’t feel like anything, he is on the phone and in bed all the time, he doesn’t make it at all, he stares at the ceiling. They tell him: get a grip, and he does nothing.
Such messages not only do nothing, and can even harm you even more. The child feels a lot of powerlessness, a sense of guilt that he is not able to grasp himself, and such a message increases this helplessness, affects the sense of its value, which is already disturbed.
Younger and younger children suffer from depression. Not all receive help
Depression in children and adolescents is a huge challenge today. For parents – because they often cannot, cannot, and sometimes they do not want (because they do not notice the problem) to help their children. For educators – because schools do not have the conditions to devote as much attention to one child as he needs. For doctors and therapists – because young people often visit them very late, when their mental state is already very bad. It happens that they do not hit at all because they do not know where to report, they have to wait for an appointment after six months or more, and they simply cannot afford private consultations.
It is for such children and teenagers that the first Polish program of free remote psychological and psychiatric assistance was created. The Foundation “Faces of Depression”, which runs it, within a year of the project’s inauguration (launched on June 1, 2021), has already organized over 1,2 thousand. such consultation. It clearly shows how much such help is needed.
– Parents with seven-year-old mutilated children come to our foundation for help. Almost half of our juvenile charges have suicidal thoughts or have attempted suicide. Our youngest ward is four years old. Our specialists conduct interventions that not only save health, but often life as well. Our team helps children and adolescents from small towns and villages that have no chance to consult a psychiatrist and psychologist in their own town. We also help children from large cities to wait in the long queue for psychotherapy under the public health service – says Anna Morawska-Borowiec, president of the foundation.
Currently, the foundation is faced with the vision of suspending the program, which has been operating since the beginning of the year only thanks to the generosity of private donors. If you want to support this project and enable thousands of children to diagnose and treat depression, join the fundraiser, the proceeds of which are allocated to the foundation’s ongoing activities in this area:
If you have thoughts of suicide, you can get help from these institutions:
- 22 628 52 22 (available from Monday to Friday from 18:00 p.m. to 21:00 p.m.)
- Nationwide telephone call for victims domestic violence “Blue Line”: 800 12 00 02 (open XNUMX hours a day)
- Helpline for children and teenagers: 116 111 (open all week, 12: 00-2: 00)
- Telephone Support Center: 800 70 2222 (open XNUMX hours a day)
- The ITAKA Foundation – Center for the Search for Missing People also runs: 800 080 222 – XNUMX/XNUMX free helpline for children and adolescents, parents and teachers
- Psychological e-mail support for the Campaign Against Homophobia: [email protected]
- Lambda Warsaw e-mail psychological support: [email protected]
- List of psychologists and psychologists recommended by the Campaign Against Homophobia: https://kph.org.pl/pomoc/pomoc-psychologiczna/
- E-mail support for LGBTQ Christians “Faith and the Rainbow”: [email protected]
We encourage you to listen to the latest episode of the RESET podcast. This time we devote it to ecology. How to be eco and not go crazy? How can we care for our planet on a daily basis? What and how to eat? You will hear about this and many other topics related to ecology in the new episode of our podcast.