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Need more space, professional transfer… the reasons for moving are many and varied! In order not to confuse Baby (too much), it is better to do it. Explanations with Dana Castro, clinical psychologist.
Prepare baby for the move
When we decided to leave the Paris region to move to Montpellier, we immediately informed our children, Margaux and Valentin. Even though they were only 2 and 4 years old, even though we still had several months ahead of us, I preferred to warn them. I have never forgotten the shock that our sudden departure from Fontainebleau was for me when I was little.. No one had bothered to explain to me and my sisters what was going on. Children, it follows and it is silent! We were sent to spend a weekend with our grandparents and when we returned, the house was full of boxes, the furniture was gone, our rooms were totally empty. I thought that everything had been taken from us, I burst into tears, it was so horrible! “. Vanessa’s foresight is exactly what you need to have, because children, like adults, do not like to quit their cozy habits.
Talk to your child about the move
Any change in the living environment will be experienced by a child as a trauma if the adults do not take the trouble to explain in detail what to expect. Above all, don’t wait until the last moment to announce it. A few months are needed to tame this idea. If the future home is not too far away, you can take them to see them there. Otherwise, to help them imagine what their new house will be like, their new school, you can draw it together, show them pictures, point the location on a map, explain that it looks like a certain place they already know … At 5 years old, a child begins to have the notion of time. You can explain to him that he will be spending Christmas there, or that the family will be moving during the next summer vacation. Another effective way to help him figure out what is going to happen is to involve him in the preparations. Empty his cupboards in his presence, ask him to put his toys away
cartons. But do not take the opportunity to do a great sorting. Now is not a good time to throw away the toys he cares about and which have sentimental value in his eyes, even if they are broken! The climate surrounding the big start is very important. Even if he is very small, let him know the considerations that prompted you to move. Is it the desire to have a house rather than an apartment in the city, or the reverse, is it the expectation of a little brother, a professional transfer, a desire to get closer to grandparents …
In video: Moving: what steps to take?
Moving: reassure your baby
Show him the interest and the positive aspects of this change, explain how it will be great for the whole family. Tell him all there is to do in the area. Of course, the context of the move can be difficult, especially if it is the consequence of a divorce, or because the family is going through a difficult financial period and must change for a smaller one. There’s no point in wanting to spruce it up and repeat that it’s going to be great if it doesn’t. Like every time we speak to our child, sincerity is essential: “Now, this house is costing us too much, we have to change it, but don’t worry, we are not going to lose everything”. Or again: “It’s difficult, but together, we will rebuild a life that will please us …” It is no secret that children are sensitive and function emotionally. The bonds of attachment and friendship are very strong even when you are 2 or 3 years old, and any separation is difficult for them to manage. Do not underestimate the anxiety they feel at the idea of having to separate from their friends, their nanny, their mistress (especially if it is during the school year), from all the people to whom they are attached. Host a goodbye party with friends before the big departure, and offer to keep in touch with the people they love. “But don’t overdo it! Like any change of life, moving is important, but it’s not the end of the world and we have to play down ”, advises Dana Castro. It must be admitted, it is often the adults who project their own reactions and concerns, but what they experience is not necessarily what their kid is going through. From 2-3 years old, a toddler is able to say what he feels and what he wants. Before diagnosing your baby with stress, first ask yourself: “Who is afraid of losing their friends, him or me?” Who is stressed by this move, him or me? »Even if you are very busy with everything you need to organize, try to remain available and not get caught up, because children are real sponges and your anxiety may spread and” contaminate “them, while spontaneously. , they would live that pretty well. In short, don’t forget that change is part of life!
Make the move a party
The hardest part for your child is to leave his little friends, or even his mistress. So that he keeps fond memories, organize a “leaving party”, at school or at home. Take pictures: they will console him for any blues!
D-day
The truck load test is an unnecessary step for children. It is best to leave them with a loved one on moving day. Better that they keep the image of a “living” house rather than an empty and soulless house. In addition, they will stay “in your legs” when you need to be operational!
“The first evening in our new apartment, we had as a priority arranged the children’s room so that they arrived in a place that was already alive. To give a festive side to this big change, we had bought pizzas, sodas and ice cream. Everything they love! I was thus exempted from preparing dinner! The children were so happy that they didn’t want to go to bed until they had emptied their toy boxes themselves! »Remembers Mélanie, mother of Hector (8 years old) and Hortense (5 years old).
School, an ally!
It is not easy to arrive in a new school, without knowing anyone, especially during the school year! Playtime seems to last forever for the little ones, holed up in solitude. Fortunately, this difficulty usually only lasts for the first few days. “At the time, my son was going back to CP and my daughter to kindergarten. For 10 days, they both remained glued to the wire mesh that separated them. But little by little, they integrated into their new class ”says a mother, Florivale.
Know that the teacher will also do his best to integrate your child into his new class.
Create new benchmarks
In addition to being away from classmates, your child feels like they’ve lost their soccer, dance or pottery class friends.
So that he finds new benchmarks quickly enough, enroll him in extra-curricular activities! In addition to allowing him to make new friends, it will also be an opportunity for him to let off steam!
Abroad
Moving to another country does not a priori make the child’s task easier. However, what an enrichment for a little one to be immersed from an early age in another culture!
If toddlers learn a foreign language very quickly, this is especially true when they are toddlers. Full immersion in a local school may confuse a 7-year-old. Of course, he will quickly succeed in communicating with his comrades, but he risks being confronted with the more formal vocabulary of learning books. The ideal is therefore education in a bilingual school.
Laura, 8 years old, has been at the French school in Milan for 2 years. “This does not prevent him from speaking Italian perfectly,” explains his dad, Guillaume. She has many Italian friends thanks to her extra-curricular activities, her nourishment is Italian and she watches television in Italian. We prefer the French school because if we are one day brought back to France, Laura will not be lost, she will have the same level as her peers of her age. With the perfect knowledge of Italian in addition! “
Moving in: involve your child
Once there, involve your bambino in his new place of life. The ideal is to associate it with the decoration and the choice of certain arrangements for its room. Choose with him the colors, the location of the furniture, his books and his toys, he will immediately feel at home. Take him through his new neighborhood so that he can make it his own, make the journey together for his school, discover together the places where he can have fun … Observe his reactions, answer his questions, give him time to take his marks while making him understand that, if he has left cool things behind him, he will find others maybe even nicer ones. To materialize the positives, have her name each night one cool thing that happened in her day. Do the same. Check with the nursery staff that the “new kid” or “new kid” has already made friends. If he is in kindergarten, do not hesitate to make an appointment with his teacher to have his point of view on his school adaptation. Help them build a new social network by inviting their friends from nursery, daycare or school to come and play at home.
Let your child get used to his new environment
There is therefore no need to encourage your child to call or Skype his nanny or the alumni of the nursery, to invite them during the holidays if he does not want to. Wait for him to manifest the desire himself. It takes several weeks, even two or three months for a toddler to adopt his new environment, regain his zest for life and his sense of inner security. If you notice that at the end of three months, your child still seems confused by the move, it is because he is facing a difficulty and should be concerned. Observe it for any signs of excessive stress. Does he tend to change his mood frequently, to have unexplained anger? Does he have trouble sleeping and / or eating? Does he have nightmares? Does he wet the bed again? Does he have difficulty separating from you? Talk to him to figure out what’s wrong. Invite him to express his grief, his worries, his regrets and reassure him. Try to find solutions together: “Is there something we can do now to make it better? »Be fully available for him on weekends. And if that is not enough to restore her balance, do not hesitate to take her to consult a shrink who will help her overcome this temporary ordeal.
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