Mourning – characteristics, stages. How Can I Deal With Grief? [WE EXPLAIN]

Proven content

Grief is a complex psychological process that leads to accepting the loss of a loved one. It takes time for everyone to recover from the death of someone important in their life. Sometimes adapting to a new situation turns out to be extremely difficult, but you can always turn to a specialist for help. What role does psychotherapy play in bereaved people?

What is mourning?

Everyone experiences pain differently from the loss of a loved one. Many behaviors and emotions are similar, but each loss is very individual and unique. Literature swirls the statement that the mourning process is a consequence of the loss of the other person. A similar definition can be found in the Dictionary of the Polish Language, which defines mourning as “sadness after the loss of a loved one” or “a specific time after the death of a loved one, in which the appropriate outfit is worn and does not participate in social life”.

Generally speaking, mourning is a psychological, social, and somatic response to the death of another person. Features that characterize mourning include:

1. deep depression,
2. denying loss
3. tearfulness
4. irritation,
5. anxiety,
6. bow,
7. feeling exhausted
8. loss of interest in the outside world,
9. inhibition of activity,
10. withdrawal from activities that are not related to the memories of the lost object.

In fact, each person “goes through” a period of mourning in a different way. It is essential to note that death and the mourning it entails is something natural, something that every human being has to face. It is an individual and unique process. Only the emotional responses to grief can vary from person to person.

The stages of mourning

The course of mourning can be divided into stages. Nevertheless, it should be remembered that mourning is an individual matter and the mourning phases do not always follow the pattern below. Cathreine M. Sanders (2001) distinguishes five stages of mourning:

1. shocking,
2. becoming aware of the loss,
3. self-protection – withdrawal,
4. recovery,
5. from the begining.

The first phase, the so-called shock, is characterized by the fact that it occurs immediately after the death of a loved one. It is accompanied by a feeling of disbelief, anger, inner helplessness and agitation. May show a strong expression of emotions: crying, screaming, violent behavior or as numbness, immobility, inability to express feelings.

When referring to the death of a parent, children may feel inner chaos, confusion, and fear of what their future will look like. Older children and adults feel great pain because they constantly think about the deceased parent and desperately search for the meaning of his death. It is impossible to say how long the shock stage may last, it may go on for several months or several days.

The next step – Realizing the loss is characterized by strong anxiety caused by separation from a loved one. The bereaved person is aware of what has happened, but emotionally cannot come to terms with it. He is often on the verge of a nervous breakdown, struggling to keep his balance. It is very important that the child experiences the full pain during this phase. There is a feeling of great regret and anger at the same time.

Self-protection / withdrawal is the phase in which there is a feeling of powerlessness over everyday life. The mourner withdraws from social life, or even does not participate in it at all. This phase can be a period of deep despair as all defense mechanisms have been seriously weakened. The mourner needs solitude and rest to regain lost energy.

This stage is followed by a so-called recovery. Typical symptoms in this phase are: regaining control, giving up old roles, creating a new identity, forgiving and forgetting, searching for meaning, healing the wound.

According to Sanders, the final stage of mourning is renewal. Here, the death of the closest person is completely accepted. After the loss, the person becomes socially active, does not avoid social meetings, starts to live anew.

How do we experience mourning?

Mourning is a natural process that allows you to gradually adapt to a new situation. Psychotherapeutic help is not always needed and many people deal with the loss on their own. An important issue is the need to experience mourning and the accompanying emotions. If the grief process is interrupted or interrupted in any way, it may have health consequences and a depressive reaction. That is why you should seek help from a psychotherapist when it turns out that it is too difficult to work through grief on your own or when we have problems understanding the feelings that accompany us.

Usually the hardest the first months of mourningwhen you experience negative emotions most intensely. Feelings of emptiness, helplessness, anger, and guilt can become apparent within a year of death, especially on important dates or anniversaries. It is generally accepted that mourning lasts from one to two years, but in practice every case is different. How long the mourning lasts depends only on ourselves.

If we are concerned that we have suppressed our emotions too much or that strong sadness persists for too long, it is worth talking to a psychologist. Participation in psychotherapy is an opportunity to contact a person who will accompany you in difficult times, and will also explain where the emotions we do not understand come from.

It is not only despair, sadness, and anger that are problematic for those in mourning. It is particularly difficult to accept the feeling of relief, peace or joy – they appear especially in the case of the death of a parent who has been chronically ill. Therapeutic meetings can help you accept such varied emotional responses.

Read: When a dream threatens to die

Tips for surviving grief

After losing a loved one, it can be difficult to understand what to do next. Here are some steps you can take to survive this mourning period:

1. allow yourself to be sad – no step is more important than this. Appreciate, accept, and let your sadness be a natural response to your loss. Let yourself feel the pain. The repressed sadness does not go away. Regret is a mixture of many unpleasant feelings. You may feel sad, angry, or full of remorse, regret or longing. All these feelings are natural
2. express your sadness – express your feelings. Cry when you must cry. Get angry when you get angry .. The more you express your pain, the more you will be free of it.
3. have patience with yourself – mourning is a process that takes time. Moving forward isn’t necessarily quick or easy, but it is possible. Trust that you can and will deal with your loss. The day will come when you will remember your loved one without pain.
4. be busy – you cannot dwell on sadness or loss every waking moment. In your first moment of sadness, you may feel that you cannot control the extent of your suffering. But you can with friends, with activities and a plan that creates a lifebuoy,
5. do sport – walking, swimming or whatever you enjoy can help you feel better. Through exercise, you build physical strength, release tension, revitalize yourself and keep yourself in good shape. Exercise releases endorphins that improve your mood
6. change something – it’s natural that we want everything to be as it was when our beloved was with us. However, that doesn’t keep the person alive. While loss is never easy to deal with, we must remember that we can go on living. In this process, we must take care of ourselves and our needs.

Also read: Psychotherapy in depression – what form of help should you choose?

Psychotherapy after the loss of a loved one

Taking advantage of psychotherapy after the loss of a loved one is an open option for anyone who has difficulty dealing with the accompanying emotions. People with abnormal mourning are a special group recommended for psychotherapy. This can be intense grief with a strong sense of guilt, physical illness, and depression.

There are cases of prolonged despair, violent anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, psychotic symptoms and suicidal thoughts.

We will receive a referral for consultation to a psychologist or psychotherapist from the family doctor. Depending on the mental state and the specialist’s recommendation, we can use individual psychotherapy or group psychotherapy. It should also be remembered that during the mourning period, the help of a specialist may be needed by both adults, children and the elderly.

Content from the site medTvoiLokony they are intended to improve, not replace, the contact between the Website User and his doctor. The website is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Before following the specialist knowledge, in particular medical advice, contained on our Website, you must consult a doctor. The Administrator does not bear any consequences resulting from the use of information contained on the Website. Do you need a medical consultation or an e-prescription? Go to halodoctor.pl, where you will get online help – quickly, safely and without leaving your home.