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Emotional burnout is familiar to many mothers: they strive to be “perfect”, spend all their strength on it and as a result suffer from both physical and mental fatigue.
Sadness, fatigue, anxiety … And then one fine day we break down and say words to the child that we never thought to say, or even spank him. Temper tantrums happen to many mothers.
But if the tension drags on, overwork turns into a real burnout, accompanied by a terrible sense of guilt. How to admit that we even for a second thought about leaving the child and just running away from home? ..
Can this crisis be overcome?
Idealized motherhood
Society tells us: motherhood is happiness. Many women think that having a baby will satisfy their desire for happiness and success. But, according to psychologist Maryse Vaillant, we are ill-prepared for motherhood: “Today we are not told that being a mother is actually difficult.”
Reality speaks for itself very quickly. It turns out that in addition to pure joy, many other experiences await us, sometimes unpleasant and painful. For many, this comes as a surprise.
“Of course, there will be wonderful moments,” continues the psychologist. “But any woman, becoming a mother, goes through a test of reality.” And those who do not accept it continue to follow their fantasy to the point of exhaustion.
Prevent burnout… or heal from it
Burnout is precisely a feeling of exhaustion, loneliness, misunderstanding. A weary mother feels that she lacks help, but stubbornly believes that she must fulfill motherly duties without sharing them with anyone.
First comes fatigue. Then the actions become mechanical. To save strength, a woman even moves away from her partner, then she sees that she is moving away from her ideal, and loses self-confidence.
Sleep disturbances, eating disorders, the emergence of addictions … the symptoms are varied. “And the consequences can be dramatic,” recalls Maryse Vaillant. – Mistreatment of a child, turning aggression on oneself. And even suicide.
If a woman leads a secluded life and takes care of her child (children) a lot, she needs support
In her opinion, the only way out is to part with the image of an ideal mother. Share your challenges, understand that others have experienced the same.
When we have negative thoughts about a child, we feel guilty, and we need to talk about this: with relatives, a friend, a psychotherapist …
People around you should be very careful. If a woman leads a secluded life and takes care of her child (children) a lot, she needs support. For the information of fathers: even if your wife wants to do everything herself, help her, take on some of the responsibilities.
Are we all equal in the face of burnout?
Mothers with twins or triplets, with children close in age, single mothers are more vulnerable and prone to burnout. But there is no difference between housewives and working mothers in this sense. The former suffer from isolation and non-recognition in society, the latter live in stress due to double working hours and eternal haste.
About the Expert: Maryse Vaillant is a psychologist and author of Being a Mother: Mission Impossible?.