The wrong side of motherhood really does not always look like a glossy picture. We get tired, we get sick, something doesn’t work out for us, our nerves fail. And there is no one to complain to.
“Sisters, I finally found you. I thought I was the only one. ” Almost every message to infinitely tired mothers begins with these words.
In the special VKontakte community, women pour out their souls. This is anonymous, this is no comment, no one will condemn them for crying from the heart. And even if he does condemn him, he will not be able to say it out loud. The endless day of the groundhog, when family life turned into the #happiness of motherhood, the once beloved and caring husband became #n’t that, and the child became a burden – I don’t even want to imagine such a life.
We have collected 9 of the most emotional stories, thanks to which you can understand how hard it is for a mother, even the most loving, strong and patient. And you know, many of them are impossible to read without tears.
#one. About fatigue
How I envy parents whose children sleep well. It’s just a dream, a fairy tale, not a child. We are 1,5 years old, and we always had sleep problems, always … I tried everything, even turned to consultants on children’s sleep. At first I complained that I didn’t sleep much when I was feeding at night, then that the child slept for 40 minutes during the day, then the endless cry at night – teeth. And now we just walk at night. We wake up at 3 and good morning … Now I understand that before I somehow slept … At 6.08 hours, and I still did not close my eyes. I envy, envy those whose children sleep normally, this is oxygen in your life …
# 2. About a nervous breakdown
Today I passed the point of no return. For the first time, in a fit of rage, she shouted that I did not love my son. That he was stupid, disgusting, that I would send him to live with his mother-in-law, threw clothes at him, with horror I realized that I wanted to hurt him. Not a day has passed that I did not regret having given birth. How I shook over him in the first two years, did not allow any bad emotions with him. I did not sleep at all for the first 2,5 years and now I sleep very badly. He breaks everything that comes to hand, constantly yells. He does not go to kindergarten, he is ill. And I am one-on-one with this monster for whole days with practically no help, and I also try to work. Now I understand that people like me don’t have to give birth at all.
# 3. About the perfect mother
Thank you sisters! You allowed me not to walk when I don’t want to or can’t. You allowed me to walk with a twin stroller, the savior of my nerves and the child’s mood. So that you go to yourself in the park with a stroller, and in it the little ones ride for their own pleasure, and not so that the little one sleeps in the cradle, but a tired or disgruntled two-year-old with whining and screaming trudges behind, but walks on his own! You allowed me to stick in the phone, you explained to me that this is not ashamed, not shameful, you can! Thank you all. You make my life happier.
#4. Discrimination
Sitting in the sandbox with the weather for 5 years, I heard a lot of stories about the layoffs of mothers. Each time I thought: “Oh, how unlucky she was, but it will never be like this with me …” a dozen surgeries and 16 IVFs gave birth to a son, a year and 2 months later – a daughter … As a result, a month before the release, they call the boss: “You have become dull in 6 years, you will not be able to work”. As if the stamp in the hospital was given to me: “You stupid fool.” As a result, after taking up my post, I was naturally fired. For 9 months of work, only the lazy did not spread rot – according to the instructions of the management, I had to be eaten. And where now to look for work at 5 years old, with children 3 and 40 years old?
#five. About depression
I am 27 years old, I have a son, he is six months old. I love him very much, but I’m so tired … After giving birth, you can put a fat cross on me. I was terribly tired and burned out. The maternity hospital is my personal hell, 5 terrible days, scraping, catheters, IVs. By the fourth month of my son, I broke down. I stopped sleeping. At all. At night I howled from powerlessness and begged my husband to hand me over to a mental hospital in the hope that they would fix my sleep there. Then it seemed to let go. The child is constantly sitting in his arms, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep. Physically I’m out, my husband is at work.
I’m ready to kiss my mother-in-law’s feet. She feeds me, takes the baby, helped me out of depression. Sleepless nights she stroked me and changed the hot water bottle at my feet. Almost every day before work, she comes to us and puts me with a bag for a walk so that I am not hungry. I’m in jail, my personal jail. Everything seems to be just fine: family, child, everything is there. But no person will be happy living in the limitation of freedoms, leaving their comfort zone thousands of times a day. Probably, one day everything will be forgotten and I, renewed, will be happy again. Dear ones, we hold on and remember: everything passes, and this will pass.
# 6. About “caring” husbands
My husband drinks in critical situations. Well, every man has his own “diaper”, we all know that. I passed the term of the PDR. She squatted the windows and floors. The apartment is clean, the water has departed the next day. Labor is complicated, emergency caesarean after 18 hours of torment. At the most terrible moment, when the child was without water for a long time, they tried three types of stimulation on me and sent me to an ECS, because the CTG became bad, he already got drunk in the trash and did not answer calls. Four days in the hospital without sleep and half-bent – many have gone through this here. When we got home, I was just shocked. It was not a srach, but a real trash heap. There is vodka and herring in the fridge. Celebrated 4 days, my daughter was born! I could not walk for more than a minute, my whole stomach was cut open, how selfish one must be! Celebrated! Friends were! Didn’t have time for anything! Girls, 10 months have passed. I will never forgive this.
# 7. About children’s cry
Here you live, you live, and one day – once, and some new, unknown rubbish happens, to which you do not know which side to approach. And yesterday becomes a memory of sweet stability. Daughter 2,8, and one day she became just insane. One day, after a nap, another person woke up. How? Why? I am already afraid of her, I am tired and can no longer listen to these squeals for any reason. She can scream for several hours due to the fact that she does not include cartoons! Hours! After these seizures, she becomes numb, says that she has a stomach ache, she should be carried in her arms or sit next to her, and I’m just broken. Two weeks ago, I had an ordinary, moderately capricious daughter, and what happened, I do not understand. The doctor said: wait, it will pass by itself.
# 8. About a psychologist
Last Wednesday I finally did my makeup, dyed it the day before and put my hair down, dug out high-heeled leather pumps in the closet, even put on a snow-white coat and went … to an appointment with a psychotherapist – to tell him about my happiness of motherhood and the special happiness of being a wife … He met me incredulous grin: what, they say, a young lady, you are depressed, you are smiling at 32 teeth and dressed up like an audience with the English queen.
And I smile because I found the time. I got dressed to feel like a beautiful woman at least for a moment and to remember the life that I once had.
He prescribed me a course of antidepressants and three types of injections, diagnosing deep chronic depression. What am I doing all this, virgins? And to the fact that pay attention to yourself in time, do not be afraid of doctors of this profile, and you will be happy, like me, and nothing that I once fell asleep on a swing from a side sedative effect on the playground, but I don’t yell at children.
PS You have the right to get sick, get tired, not be able to, not want and send to hell those who do not agree with this! I hug each of you.
#nine. About what all this is for
I want to share my little victory. The son is two years old. Usually in our house there was an op above the mountains for any reason. Something did not like it – we beat mom, throw toys, we throw ourselves on the floor and a nut, a nut, a nut … Several months ago, without much hope of success, I began to repeat to my son like a parrot: if you don’t like something, say in words, don’t shout. And today, before going to bed, I began to collect toys and said that it was time to sleep. Internally I prepared myself for hysteria. And the son comes up to me, looks into my eyes and says in an angry voice: “Mom! I disagree with you! ” God, I almost burst into tears! Will there really come a time when I will live with a man, and not with an uncontrollable squealing machine! I am so proud of myself and my son. We are great!