Pregnancy and childbirth are a great stress for a woman’s body, and their consequences are a test for her self-esteem. Stretch marks, scars, varicose veins, sagging breasts… It will take a lot of time and effort to restore the body to its previous appearance. Is it really necessary if you can love and accept him for who he is?
“My sons are 17 years apart in age, the youngest is 5 months old. And I am 38 years old, and every day I involuntarily compare my motherhood now and then. Then, when I was discharged from the maternity hospital, they brought me a sundress for pregnant women, and it was a shock — how can I not fit into my usual clothes ?!
Two months later, I was in despair. I had to return to the university, and my stomach hung and stretch marks covered it with crimson stripes. Spider veins protruded, all legs were blue. I looked like a woman giving birth. It was a sentence to my beauty, youth and sexuality. I tortured my stomach with a honey massage in the hope of regaining elasticity. I was 21 years old.
How sorry I am for who I was then! Poor girl, soaked through and through with poisonous ideas about flawless bodies — smooth, thin, forever young. Violent double messages sound from all sides: give birth, but look nulliparous; motherhood is beautiful, but keep us away from all this blood, writhing and leaking milk.
The mother’s body belongs to the children and ceases to be perceived by her as her own
A man can have scars, wrinkles and noble gray hairs, and a woman should look like the elder sister of her children. It drives us into a trap, separates us from our own body. A body that has done a great job of bearing a child, bringing it into the world and feeding it.
Reproductive labor leaves marks, and it’s not just stretch marks, the shape of the chest and abdomen. This is a tired back, aching sacrum and “affectedness” — the mother’s body belongs to the children and ceases to be perceived by her as her own. Culture requires that this huge layer of experiences and experiences be hidden as something obscene.
I want a different culture — one in which the birthing body receives respect and gratitude! In which it is obvious what a woman pays to give a child life.
At 21, pregnancy left me “only” with a changed figure and a blow to self-esteem. At the age of 37, I knew perfectly well what damage motherhood would do to my health, income, career opportunities and well-being, and I decided on it with open eyes. Knowing what and how much I will pay is completely different rules of the game.
Now I admire the body, it is my best friend and colleague. I put a lot of attention and care into my relationship with him. I am grateful to him for a calm pregnancy, a fairly good birth, and trouble-free lactation. I no longer play the maternal feat: if I feel unwell, then I will give myself a rest.
It is very strange for me to even think about evaluating the body with a ruler offered to me by gloss. And if someone tries, he will have a hard time.