There are parents who fear the independence of their children. And their fears did not appear out of nowhere. We are talking about those situations when the child shows independence where it was not expected. Without sufficient information about correct behavior, and at the same time acting boldly and impulsively, a child can get into trouble or cause trouble to parents.
I will offer my answer — how to cultivate independence in a safe mode.
Along with independence, responsibility must be brought up in the child.
An example from life.
When I was 5 years old, I watched a cartoon about the monkey Anfisa. My delight knew no bounds. I was even surprised: why doesn’t a monkey still live in our house? She’s so good!! The idea to start “the same Anfisa” at home was conveyed to adults, but did not arouse understanding. In order to distract the child, the grandfather bought a book about Anfisa, a coloring book about Anfisa, a plush monkey «Body» … However, this helped little. The adults laughed it off, changed the conversation from a ridiculous topic, but I remained with my opinion … until the topic of Anfisa arose in a conversation with dad.
Dad listened carefully to my request and had a conversation with me that went something like this:
— Monkey. Good. Have you even thought of a nickname yet? Great. Natasha, why do you need a monkey? What are you going to do with her?
— Play!!
— What else?
“I will pet her and scratch her behind the ear!” (probably, in my mind, the monkey strongly resembled a cat).
— And where will Anfisa live? Where do monkeys live?
— On the tree…
— Hmm, right. Not just in a tree, but in the jungle. The monkey must have creepers to swing on and develop paws. Let’s figure out how to do it. I cut down a tree in the forest. We will put him in your room. And what will we make creepers from? Maybe from pantyhose? You’ve grown out of them anyway.
The idea of vines from tights hanging on a tree in my room was unexpected. But for the sake of Anfisa, I think I was ready for a lot.
What else are you going to do with Anfisa?
— I’ll feed her!
— Well done. Correctly. If you have an animal, you need to take care of it. Natasha, what are you going to feed Anfisa?
It turned out that my knowledge of monkeys is rather modest. I did not know what to offer Anfisa, except for apples and bananas (rare fruits in those days).
Dad advised me to look for the answer in a book about wild animals. Fortunately, we had such a book, with colorful illustrations. From the book we learned that monkeys eat not only fruits, but also roots, insects, worms and caterpillar larvae.
“Well, okay,” Dad continued. — Natasha, we’ll think of something. We will buy apples. But what about the worms… You know what? And we will bring land from the dacha, pour it into a box and breed worms there for Anfisa. True, the box will have to be placed in your room. Agree?
Without waiting for consent, dad also said that Anfisa (albeit flea-like — like any self-respecting monkey) — would sleep with me. And also added other details of our wonderful life after we get Anfisa home.
It all ended with my resounding “No!”. And I didn’t ask adults for a monkey anymore.
I think dad’s method was to teach the child to be interested in the consequences of his own actions in advance. You are responsible for the outcome of your choices. If you are not aware of the consequences — ask, clarify, collect information. Further — only your decision. But the responsibility is yours. In this case, the independence of the child becomes more balanced and reasonable.