Mom teaches me how to dress, raise a child and a husband

We are always children for our parents. Especially for moms. They love to lecture us and poke their noses in misses when we are 15, 25 and even 40. Is there salvation? We found the stories of our readers on the healthy-food-near-me.com forum and asked the practicing psychologist Natalya Shevtsova to give advice to women who are still being pressed by mothers.

Mom teaches me to raise my son

Most likely, the mother’s behavior is driven by a sense of guilt for the fact that at one time she did not devote enough time to raising her daughter, throwing her on the shoulders of her mother. Now she’s trying to catch up with her grandchildren. But she does it as best she can, as it seems right to her.

What can be done in this situation? First, do not perceive mom as an enemy, try to understand her feelings and motives for her actions, put yourself in her place. Since you yourself are already a mother, you know that mothers, whatever they do, do it out of love, even if sometimes it seems that it is not so. Second, stop defending yourself. You are not guilty of anything in front of your mother and do not owe her anything, as are your sons. Say, “Mom, we love you, but let us be who we are. I am grateful to you for everything, but now I am an adult and I am able to make decisions myself and be responsible for my actions. “

Say it at least to yourself, if you can’t say it out loud, and try to live on the assumption that you are an adult woman, and not a teenager who is forced to defend against everyone.

Mom is sure that I am a very bad hostess

Ask yourself: “Why do I want to seem perfect for my mom?” And in general, is it just for mom? The arrival of other guests does not cause the need to bring the apartment to the state of the surgical operating room and the crown of the design creation? Try not to clean up at all before the next mother’s visit, and parry all her remarks and claims with a joke, transferring the conversation to any abstract topic. And all her gifts are affectionately and lovingly returned back to her, explaining that you will not eat so much and everything will be lost. Just do not jump right off the bat – start with the “non-harvest”, then with the products. Don’t stress your mom, otherwise a scandal cannot be avoided.

Mom climbs into my personal life

Falling with a heart attack is a lot like manipulating a young child to get attention. And here you need to act in a similar way – just do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Think about how it is beneficial for you to have your mom control you? What do you get from this control and why are you not ready to give it up?

When you can honestly answer this question to yourself, then your mother’s need to control you will lose its relevance. This is not an easy question, and it may not be so easy to find an answer to it on your own.

Mom criticizes my appearance and dressing

Mothers try their best for us, as soon as they can. And from the story it can be traced that the point is not at all in appearance! Mom wants her beloved daughter to be “fresher, younger and happier” and will certainly go to the sea. There is probably something going on in your life that gives your mom a reason to worry about you. You just need to make it clear that everything is in order and you should not worry. But mother’s heart cannot be fooled. And maybe it makes sense to have a heart-to-heart talk with mom, ask what really worries her so much and why she covers up the true causes of anxiety with questions of her appearance.

Mom teaches me how to treat my husband

Perhaps your mom’s worries about your family well-being are not unfounded, but it’s up to you to decide what to do with your man. “You go to the sea, and let him help me at the dacha” is not like a family “husband, wife and mother-in-law” but like a mother with two children: a son and a daughter. And the mother decides which of the children deserves to go on vacation at sea, and who, punished, will stay to plow in the country. Where did you let go of responsibility for your family? What does your mom do that allows her to decide and command? Option one: find this moment and take the steering wheel back into your own hands: yours and your spouse’s.

She complains that I give her little time

“I am not unemployed and not a student”, “What else does she want?” – the entire text is permeated with notes of teenage protest. What are you protesting against? And what do you so desperately want to prove to your mom and those around you? Can’t hear about sores? So don’t listen. You have every right to do so. Suggest another topic of conversation for your mom. There is an excuse in every sentence, which is a sign of guilt. Try to retire and understand to whom you feel guilty and what you are making excuses for. Life can be lived only once, but for whom you will live it – for your mother, for the children, or still for yourself, it’s up to you.

Mom wants me to help her in the country

So it is not long before the seasonal allergy, so that there is a good reason not to go with my mother to the country. Do you need it? Therefore, it is better to learn in an adult way and build your boundaries with all responsibility. The point is clearly not the tomatoes and cucumbers. Most likely, mom just wants your attention. A dacha is another reason to be together, to do something in common. Give your mom her due attention in another area, and, perhaps, the issue with the garden will disappear by itself.

Mom teaches me how to dress, raise a child and a husband