We do not always understand what children need from us. And they are not always able to express their desires in words. But if they could, what would we hear from them? “Translation from child to adult” is offered by psychologist and play therapist Elena Piotrovskaya.
Only children could tell us what they expect from playing with their parents. How to communicate with them, so that the contact is truly meaningful, to feel closeness and everyone to enjoy? Unfortunately, they are not yet able to tell about everything in «adult» language. What if they could do it?
What would be the «manifesto» of a Child Playing?
“I have the right and the need to play freely, according to my understanding, choosing the variant of the game, as well as toys or objects for it. At the same time, toys, materials for creativity, a place for games, specially selected for me, should leave me the opportunity to take the initiative and make choices.
I can’t always take care of my own safety. Creating a safe environment for my games is up to adults. If I can take risks within reasonable limits, then I will grow up more dexterous, courageous and self-confident.
In the game, I feel like the master of my life. If I experience this state, then I may not want to be stubborn for the sake of stubbornness in ordinary life. After all, I have the opportunity to feel significant without it. And knowing that my ideas and actions change the outside world (for starters, at least in the sandbox), I will transfer this state to other areas of life.
Playing, I relax, rest, gain strength. In the end, even in order to study well, you need to have time to rest and recover.
If you, an adult, think that I should also rest, as you decided, that is, with benefit, you leave no room for my spontaneous activity — important for development and for recuperation. But I’m not a robot or an automaton!
Playing, I learn to live. My brain develops in order to subsequently be ready for unpredictable situations, for creativity.
In the game, I learn to understand how the world of objects and relationships between people work. I have the right to draw three suns in the drawing, to depict the purple grass. The hedgehog I play can be Superman, and the pile of sand can be porridge.
Please don’t correct or criticize me. Tell me “how to do it right” for the remaining twenty-three and a half hours a day.
If I’m playing disaster, war, or robbery, take your time explaining to me that war is bad and killing teddy bears is cruel. The language of the game is not my ideological attitudes, but experiences that do not have a plus or minus sign and which I can cope with while playing.
Please don’t come up with «good» games for me. Better be attentive to what appears in mine. After all, with their help, I put things in order in my soul.
You will give me a royal gift if you devote some time to playing with me. Just please don’t teach me anything, don’t correct me, and don’t decide for me when we play. Just stay by my side!
Join the game if I ask you, or be a benevolent witness to my game, listen to me, look at me, be only with me. An hour, or half an hour, or twenty minutes of time to make me happy — is that a lot? To play with me, it is not necessary to pretend to be a space alien and speak in a distorted voice. You can be completely passive outwardly, the main thing is your attention and goodwill!
You can not say «I love» — I will understand it without words, if you manage to be with me, accepting me. The game is my territory. Let me dispose of her as I please.
Let me know clearly if you don’t want to play as I ask. I will accept a refusal if you are against my game, not against me. I may well accept an alternative option that you may want to offer me.
Maybe you forgot or never really knew how to play. I will teach you if you want. It’s simple.
And finally, if you have prepared yourself mentally and prepared everything you need for the game, and I do not want to play, I have the right to do so.
If during the time that you are going to spend with me, I can only talk about computer games, listen to me. Maybe I will feel that it is important for you, that you accept me, and if this is repeated and repeated, I can entrust you with some more thoughts, feelings, and even risk playing with you.