Sometimes children get angry with their parents and say that they want to leave them somewhere or to someone. If you see that this is just a fleeting mood in a child, in this case you don’t need to get angry or even tense: the technique of active listening is enough.
â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹— Mom, I want to leave you for dad!
Do you want to live with your dad…
— Yes! I want to go to my dad, it’s more fun with him!
Do you think you’d be happier with your dad?
— Yes! He asks how I’m doing, and you only care about the lessons!
“You want me to pay more attention to you, right?
— Exactly. Masha’s mother talks to her before going to bed, and you checked your lessons and go to sleep.
“Do you want us to make it a rule to lie down together before going to bed and talk?”
And the conversation moves on to another topic, the child is distracted, switched, calmed down.
Unfortunately, sometimes situations are more difficult. If the parents are divorced, and the child is smart enough, then “Mom, I want to leave you for dad!” may no longer sound like a fleeting mood, but like a thoughtful way to hug mom tightly. Here the subtext is obvious: “If you demand something from me, I will get angry with you and leave you. Stay without me. I understood?»
So, games like this shouldn’t be allowed. Yes, but what to do? What to answer such a smart child? Remember…
— Daughter, tell me, what do you know about this? For example, do you know who determines with whom a child lives: the child or the parents?
— Child!
“Here, you don’t know. This is determined by the parents. Of course, good parents will talk about this among themselves and consult with the child, but this is not decided by the child, but by the parents. This is an adult question, it is decided by the elders, not the children. Parents are always more important than children. Now you know that, right?
Second: what if the parents for some reason cannot agree on who the child should be with, then what? Mom loves her daughter and wants her daughter to be with her, and dad also loves her daughter and also wants her daughter to live with him? How then is this issue resolved?
— I do not know.
— If mom and dad cannot agree, then this issue is not decided by them, it is decided by the court. This is such a main body, there are very smart people and they look at who will raise the child better. If they decide that the father will raise the child better, they decide that the child should live with the father. And if they take a closer look at their parents and decide that their mother will raise their daughter better, then they will decide: the daughter should live with her mother. So, this is how we did it. Dad loves you, but spoils you, and I bring you up better, I’m stricter. Therefore, the court decided that it would be better if I brought you up, and you will live with me. That’s why you can’t go anywhere on your own, and dad can’t pick you up, it’s forbidden. And of course you can see your dad, it’s natural. You tell him — if he is stricter to you and spoils you less, I myself will be the first for you to be with dad more often. We both love you!