«Mom, dad and dog»: a pet as a member of the family

Service dogs still help people guard property, go hunting, herd sheep, and catch drug couriers. But more and more people live in conditions in which a pet is needed not for service, but for emotional contact.

We conducted surveys on social networks, and all participants wrote about the special affection that arises between a person and a dog.

Psychologists confirm that contact with pets increases the level of oxytocin, the hormone of affection. The one that is actively produced in women during pregnancy and after the birth of a baby. Their faces evoke tenderness, communication with a dog gives positive emotions, reduces the level of anxiety and stress.

Systemic family approach

According to systemic family psychologist Anna Varga¹, people humanize pets and project their expectations, needs, meanings onto them. We dress and decorate them. We complete semantic communication, as mothers and babies do: we ask a question and think out answers for them, we often “voice” their remarks during moments of communication. And we are ready to believe that a dog or a cat understands us and knows a lot of words.

From the point of view of the family systems approach, the pet plays different functional roles. It can become an intermediary in the interaction of family members, it can relieve tension and even enter into coalitions — and all this is the result of human projections. For example, a husband and wife quarreled, and a woman hugs a dog, complaining to him, talking about her grievances against her partner.

Sometimes a pet replaces an absent family member. So a middle-aged couple can have a puppy at the “empty nest” stage, when the children have grown up and moved to live separately. They project their parental feelings onto the dog, which becomes a «child».

A dog can be a separation agent for a teenager. But on condition that the pet is only his, and not everyone’s favorite. Together with the dog, he «rebuilds» from his parents and siblings.

What dog owners say about their relationship with their pets

1. «Baby»

“That’s what we call them – dog children. They are part of our family and will always be with us. Dogs are friendly with each other, but sometimes they compete for my attention and a place to sleep next to me, ”- Olga, 38 years old.

“Baby, definitely. But rather not a baby, but a teenager. The psychologist blessed me to transfer maternal love to him,” Anna, 31 years old.

“This is not a child, but a baby. And a comrade, a companion, on travels, ups and downs. My inspiration, support and motivation,” Marina, 42 years old.

«Child. Definitely. Four-legged integral part of our family. Friendship for children in their games at home. Husband’s tenderness, he does not speak to anyone in such an affectionate voice, ”- Irina, 41 years old.

2. Partner, comrade, friend

“A friend who will remain an “eternal child”, even in old age. This is a very special feeling, it can hardly be compared with another, ”Vladimir, 39 years old.

“For me, a dog is an emotional helper. Of course, I take care of them like children and love them as my best friends. But the emotional interaction with the dog is very important to me. For example, I can’t cry in front of people, even in front of loved ones, but with a dog I can, — the dog always sincerely reacts and tries to console with all his might without inappropriate words and awkward silence, ”- Julia, 43 years old.

“He is like a younger friend who needs to be guided on the right path,” Marina, 36 years old.

3. Nanny Companion

“She was a member of the family. She nursed 4 human children and was a companion for them. For the little ones — the elders, but with us almost on an equal footing, I guess. But she always knew her strict dog place in the hierarchy, ”- Tatiana, 42 years old.

«Our dogs live in a human ‘pack’ that they love with all their might»

Olga Ulyanko, cynologist and animal psychologist

Humans and dogs are two completely different species, but they miraculously learned to live together and understand each other. And it’s not just friendship.

We can say that between a person and a pet there is a parent-child relationship, a real affection. The emergence of attachment is a complex process that affects the work of both the brain and the hormonal system.

The attitude of dogs towards people is similar to the behavior of children’s attachment to their parents, the owner becomes for her a kind of «center of the universe», the so-called «security base», starting from which she studies the world around her, becomes more active, bolder and more self-confident. People, in turn, become attached to their pets and show parental feelings and care for them.

Thus, our dogs are included in the family system and, most often, the main function of pets in this system is to reduce anxiety and calm family members. But when a dog in a family becomes the object of projection of parental expectations or replaces an absent family member, the animal may experience behavioral deviations.

For example, when a pet turns into a “child”, “baby”, he is constantly kissed, carried in his arms, ignoring the signals of excitement and discontent on his part, he can become very irritable and intolerant not only to family members, but also to others. dogs.

Pets most often appear in families in which some changes are about to happen or they have already happened — this is when the level of tension in the family system increases:

• wife’s pregnancy;
• the period immediately after the birth of the child;
• the beginning of a joint life of the newlyweds;
• divorce of spouses, etc.

To avoid problems in the behavior of the dog, it is better, of course, to refrain from acquiring a pet during such acute periods of family life. For example, to start it not immediately after the birth of a child, but when he is 2 years old.

Our dogs live in a human «pack» that they love with all their might. Dogs are happy because they are dogs. I don’t think they would like to become human. They have their own needs, such as, for example, food, water, health, communication with relatives, and people must fill these needs.

You need to learn to understand understand dogs and be understandable, predictable and reliable companions for them. And then life together will bring peace, comfort and joy to everyone.

¹ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhpW_nZ4AjI