“I” is the last letter in the alphabet,” school teachers like to repeat. Since Soviet times, we have been taught that a person should behave with restraint, not shout about his merits and, if possible, merge with the crowd as much as possible. But is modesty really a virtue, not a vice? Columnist Elena Kolesnikova talks about the side effects of modest behavior.
What is this modesty, the necessity of which we have been convinced for so long that almost any presentation of one’s merits, skills, just one’s personality has become considered unacceptable boasting?
In Soviet times, it was planted as part of the ideology. Lenin and Stalin are great modest people, they dress inconspicuously, they don’t think about themselves at all, only about the fate of the people. So everyone should behave modestly, merge with the background up to complete indistinguishability. Everyone is wearing caps, and why are you wearing a hat — the smartest? You can’t be “the most” — suddenly someone will be offended.
Fashion designers say: «Bright rags ruined the Soviet regime.» But the government has changed, but the problem remains. Once everyone was annoyed by long hair and bell-bottoms, then Iroquois, now shaved heads are annoying. What stands out is alarming and even frightening. Our society still taboos emotionality and flamboyance: be modest, don’t disturb others.
Instead of striving for equality, we want to achieve sameness.
As a result, even those who are «according to their position» are often unable to manifest themselves. Saying something out loud is difficult in itself. How about expressing your own opinion?
By profession I am a director and theater teacher. I work with actors and people of other public professions. Once I worked with a young leader. He proved himself well in the provinces, he was invited to an important position in the capital. His new responsibilities included overseeing the board of directors.
And there, in this council, everyone graduated from Harvard or the Sorbonne! How can you say a word like that? He shied away from the secretaries and, even while sitting, held on to the table.
When he told it all, stammering and interrupting himself, I asked him what he liked. «Dancing». He remembered that he studied at a music school. “Then sing,” he sang.
And suddenly another person appeared — one who knows who he is, what he wants, what he likes, who has a voice! To tell about yourself, you need to know who you are.
Modesty? You can’t always compare yourself to others and tell yourself that you are worse. Because then you will not be able to go out to them, show yourself, say: «It’s me.» A humble actor will stay behind the scenes all his life.
So the majority of our politicians do not know how — although by occupation they should be able to — talk with the population, with voters. They cannot connect with others because they don’t have contact with themselves. And it doesn’t just happen to politicians.
I think that such a quality as modesty simply does not exist. She’s gone!
There is either a lack of individuality — or the need to hide one’s individuality. From fear, out of habit, so as not to offend anyone and so that nothing happens.
But if you constantly hide yourself, you can completely lose yourself. Or never find it. Let us not demand modesty, either from ourselves or from others. Let’s show each other. After all, that’s why it is interesting for us to look at each other, because we are different, dissimilar. One with a mohawk, the second with a hat, and the third is completely shaved.