A no-frills life can be not only the result of a crisis… but also a personal choice that is liberating in nature. After all, relating your dreams to reality is the best way to avoid envy and suffering, says sociologist Anne Chate.
Psychologies: What is moderation?
To be moderate means not to demand too much, to say: “This is enough for me”, “I have enough” — in a situation where one could want more. Such a restriction of one’s own desires is possible only in conditions of democracy and abundance; otherwise, we are limited by poverty or the ideology of inequality existing in society, and a person no longer needs to regulate his desires.
Such an attitude seems to reflect the trends of our time: doubts about economic growth as an unconditional good, concern for the environment, the rejection of meaningless luxury …
Ann Chate: In all these cases, we are talking about the same choice: stop wanting “more and more”, which allows you to become happier, freeing you from envy of those who have more. But moderation affects not only the sphere of consumption, but all our desires — professional, emotional, our need for recognition. In addition, moderation is not based on anything militant or protesting. Rather, it develops respect for the existing order of things, sometimes a tendency to withdraw into itself. It’s as if we’re leaving it up to others to make a fuss — and let the rich and famous become even more famous and even richer.
Does this mean that moderation is the first step towards asceticism?
No, «moderation» is a relative term. We dream of small things only in comparison with what our family, those around us, society expect from us. I often think of a woman lawyer who is said by her colleagues to lack ambition because she chose to work for a public organization rather than a prestigious law office. And to someone else, her current job would seem like the ultimate dream. Moderation applied to each of us depends on our cultural background and social status.
What good is it to moderate your desires?
Not allowing ourselves to go too far in our dreams, trying to relate them to reality, we avoid frustration, envy, suffering, and there is a kind of liberation in this. It is amazing how angry people sometimes get when they do not achieve their goals — educational, professional, social. If, as we move through life, we adjust our aspirations to reality, we reduce external pressure and free ourselves from the role that others want us to be.
Does moderation make life easier or harder?
It’s harder at first. It is necessary to move away from social pressure, stop comparing — and this is contrary to human nature. But then moderation simplifies existence. We stop constantly looking for something, chasing after something, striving to replace each fulfilled desire with a new one — all this gives us rest.
But can not excessive moderation eventually become dangerous?
It is dangerous if it forces a person to limit himself, to suppress, to prevent him from living what goes beyond what was planned. In the long term, this can lead to isolation, to sectarianism. In a society where everyone dreams of small things, there would be less innovation, less competition, less chance (or risk) that the social order inherited from the past will be replaced by a new one. But dreaming about small things is still dreaming, so there is a desire in it, a desire for something.
Maybe this is how we retroactively compensate for our troubles and failures?
From my point of view, moderation is a voluntary choice. Other sociologists see it as a form of adaptation: we settle for less because we can’t get more. But it seems to me that people have enough clarity of mind and consciousness not to be led by all their desires. In moderation, I am primarily interested in this act, when a person himself determines his priorities. People enter this path after they have experienced an accident, loss of loved ones, divorce. It is about a certain attitude towards life, about working on oneself. They reconsider the hierarchy of their desires and begin to appreciate simple pleasures. But it could also be the original choice. I remember again that woman, the lawyer, whose university friends think she ruined her career. But its purpose is to feel useful!
When I speak to you, I hear: «renunciation», «privations»…
Sometimes that’s how it is. When it comes to moderation too early, it can mean a loss of opportunities that life gives us, and this is its undesirable side effect. For some, moderation is tantamount to depression. One of my readers said: «I think it’s terrible, it’s like dying.»
You seem to be convinced that moderation is the surest path to happiness.
There is a direct link between «humble dreams» and happiness as peace. If for you to bake an apple pie with your daughter means to have a good Sunday afternoon (and behind this, of course, there are a certain ideal, values), you give yourself a chance to enjoy affordable happiness. At first, we often neglect this color in the palette of life, but, gradually discovering it for ourselves, we gain a lot. It seems to me that moderation is the best way to prepare yourself for a happy old age.