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When children, in fact, are not brought up at all, this is called connivance: children run around abandoned, parents are busy with their own affairs. If parents raise their children somehow, then the question arises: how, according to what model? Models of upbringing are stable relationships between older and younger, where an active upbringing role belongs to the elders.
The central question of different models of education is the question of prohibitions and prescriptions. In any family, any parent has an idea of what is possible, what is not, and also, more specifically, what is possible for a child, what is not, and what is mandatory. There are always prescriptions, there are always prohibitions, but different families have very different views on this. How many prohibitions should there be, which ones, how obligatory are they? What can and should prescriptions prescribe, and where should children be left with the opportunity to choose, leave freedom?
Models of upbringing are sometimes realized, sometimes not quite. In some cases, it happens that parents verbally declare one model of education, but in reality they implement another. There are quite common cases when parents use several models in their practice at the same time.
There is no ideal model that best suits any parent and any child, but there are models that are more problematic, some are controversial, and there are quite successful ones. We list and comment on the main models:
Narrow corridor, iron gauntlets: tough upbringing
The “narrow corridor” model of education sets the task of regulating the life and behavior of the child (pupil) as strictly as possible, unambiguously transferring him from point A to point B.
Clever, strong and loving parents (educators) can someday arrange for children (pupils) a situation of strict instructions and tight control: if necessary and in the interests of the child. As a temporary educational measure, this is appropriate, and to arrange a month of “nothing but study” before children enter a university is more likely to help children. The “Narrow Corridor” model in a positive version sounds like an army parenting style, and just parents can raise a warrior from a strong child with the help of such a model — strict to himself and disciplined. In this style, the training of special forces traditionally takes place, where the military is prepared for extreme loads and readiness, if necessary, to give their lives without hesitation.
A Minefield in the Fog: Pedagogical Schizophrenia
The child lives surrounded by a large number of seemingly strict prohibitions, but such prohibitions that in fact can be violated. When and how you will be punished for this is unknown. In such an environment, the child lives as if in a fog, where he is surrounded on all sides by constraining things and walls, but through which you can break through. They seem to be there, they are frightening — but if you reach out or pass through them — they are not.
However, explosions often suddenly occur in this foggy space: when the parents’ nerves fail, they flare up, start screaming, yelling, they can slap, pull, it’s true that they forbid something — but then the explosion subsides, and then the fog until the next unpredictable flash and the next explosion. See discussion →
Pure field, dense forest: natural education
In this model, the main task of parents is to remove education as such: if possible, remove any rules, instructions, edifications and prohibitions. Here, parents are convinced that they need to educate only by their own example, while children have the right to be free. If children can be allowed something, then let’s allow it: children are more important, we love them. This is not entirely permissiveness, but at the level of common sense, the principle “The fewer prohibitions, the better” works. It is clear that parents still teach the child what is vital, what will save the life of the child and others (“children do not play with matches, knives and axes”), however, ideally, all social prohibitions in this model should be removed. The child is free, as in an open field.
Parents here are not elders, but equals, and they agree with the child on all issues. It is impossible to put pressure on a child, a child can only become interested in what adults offer him.
At the same time, unlike connivance, where there are no educational influences as such, in this model the educational process is carried out through the collision of the child with natural, natural limitations. Instead of prohibitions, parents arrange a collision with reality. They don’t say “I won’t let you go without a hat”, but went without a hat — you got frostbite on your ears — who is to blame? Why didn’t you listen? Mom and dad need to be obeyed not because they are so harmful, but because they tell you that life is like that. See discussion →
Spacious home: a world of reasonable restrictions
There are two important points in this model: the clarity of prohibitions and the space of freedom. The first is freedom. Here, parents strive to ensure that the child lives in a space of freedom. had the opportunity to freely play, try and indulge. The more freedom a child has and the fewer restrictions, the better. Prohibitions here are rather a necessary measure. They are known in advance, there is nothing more than that, and as long as you do not violate them, we always love you.
When establishing a ban, parents think how necessary it is and try to make it understandable for the child. On the other hand, if it is necessary to forbid, parents indicate the prohibition clearly and confidently, strictly monitoring its observance: “no” here means “no”. see →
Spacious home with development line
The basis of this model is the “Spacious House” approach, that is, the clarity of prohibitions and the space of freedom. marking the path leading to values.
Go not for everyone, but to look closely at your features. Do not be lazy, but believe in yourself. Do not be afraid, do not give up and set a variety of goals. Not to be led, but to develop the traits of a leader in yourself. And always think with your head, and not as you have to.
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Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.