It seems that the very fact of owning this item makes us disingenuous: stage «network failures», filter unwanted calls, tell lies more often … Is this really so?
At first glance, a mobile phone is nothing more than a convenient device, not much different from other useful household appliances. Although in reality it belongs to the category of objects that affect not only the everyday side of our lives, but also our very behavior. We are no longer obliged to make long-term plans — at any time they can be amended by informing friends, family or business partners about it. The mobile phone has largely saved us from worrying about loved ones: now we just need to dial the number and make sure that everything is in order with them. The phone saves us from loneliness, allowing us to hear the voices of dear people at any moment, and gives us the feeling of being in demand (“I often get calls – that means I’m needed!”).
According to Romir Monitoring, in Russia more than 61% of the adult population use cell phones, and in large cities this figure reaches 75%, steadily increasing year by year. “The reasons for such a mass hobby lie not only in the field of practical convenience,” says the psychotherapist. Natalia Izbutskaya. “Mobile communications help us to hide from problems relatively painlessly, instead of resolving them.” Referring to communication problems, we do not communicate with someone close, we deceive without fear that we will be “seen” because of shifty eyes, we communicate bad news without looking at the face of the interlocutor … Something that previously required effort , thanks to the mobile phone is now easy and natural. “Of course, it’s not worth talking about the fact that a mobile phone can turn an honest person into an inveterate liar,” continues Natalia Izbutskaya, “however, it certainly contributes to a more prominent manifestation of our character.”
Be out of reach
The times when, after leaving the house, we could dissolve in the boundless space of the metropolis and feel completely free, are in the past. To some extent, the mobile phone limits the sovereignty of a person: with the help of a mobile phone, our private life becomes more transparent. Now each of us can be easily reached at any time by a call. Moreover, if the phone does not answer, the information can be sent by “message”, and the lack of an answer to it can be interpreted in your own way.
“Sometimes after a business meeting I don’t feel like going back to the office,” says 31-year-old Andrei. “In such a situation, I prefer to tell my boss that the meeting is dragging on, and instead of dragging myself back to work, I calmly go home, to friends, or wherever I want.”
Within reasonable limits, this behavior is understandable. “Lie on the phone in response to the question “Where are you?” — a natural defensive reaction, an attempt by a person to somehow compensate for the constant narrowing of his personal space, — explains the psychotherapist Tatiana Rebeko. — It’s another matter if it happens systematically. In this case, you should listen to yourself and try to understand why you tell lies so often. This behavior probably has nothing to do with a mobile phone — perhaps you enjoy constant hoaxes, without always thinking about the damage that you can cause to other people’s feelings.
Filtering means controlling
“Some of my acquaintances – those with whom I don’t want to maintain a relationship – I included in the “black list”, for which I set up a special melody, says 22-year-old Lydia. “Now, if I hear Ravel’s Bolero, I don’t even take my cell phone out of my bag to find out who is calling me.”
The practice of filtering calls is known to almost every mobile user: referring to technical problems, we can avoid talking, or we can completely “close” for communication by turning off the phone or turning off the call. However, for many of us, such a decision is not easy. “People with a heightened sense of responsibility and those who, in real life, hardly refuse others their requests, experience a strong sense of guilt about deliberately missed calls,” continues Tatyana Rebeko. — Every time they miss a call, they look for an excuse for their «misconduct.» “I feel embarrassed even when I can’t pick up the phone for completely objective reasons,” says 34-year-old Oleg. — When I deliberately drop the call, an unpleasant aftertaste always remains in my soul. I understand that this is stupid, but every time it feels like I rudely pushed away an innocent person.
We need our words and deeds to be judged by society and ourselves as good, or at least neutral. “One of the most common defense mechanisms of the psyche that allows us to make our behavior morally acceptable is rationalization,” explains Natalya Izbutskaya. “In the case of call filtering, the easiest way to get rid of guilt is to shift the responsibility from yourself to mobile phone manufacturers — after all, it was they who developed the functions that allow you to manipulate information.” However, mobile phone manufacturers themselves see the situation differently. “Some models of Siemens BenQ phones are equipped with a call filtering function, and all models allow the address book to be divided into different groups, such as “family”, “office” or “VIP”. However, this in no way means that we impose this or that strategy of behavior on our users,” explains Natalya Makarova, head of the marketing department at BenCue Mobile LLC. — None of the options that allow you to refuse to communicate with a particular subscriber is set by default, which means that in order to activate it, a person needs to make a conscious effort of will. We strive to give our phone users the best possible experience, but how they use it is entirely up to them.”
“We are not at all obliged to communicate with everyone who can call us,” says Tatyana Rebeko. “To form a social circle at one’s own discretion is a normal need for any mature person.” And a certain plus of a mobile phone is that it simplifies this possibility for us. “The problem arises when we start constantly missing calls from people to whom we ourselves gave our number,” continues Natalya Izbutskaya. “If there are too many missed calls, it’s time to think about your social circle and analyze what we really don’t like about it ..”
Protected by SMS
Another unique cellular communication option is the possibility of SMS communication. “Message allows you to say things that in a normal conversation a person is sometimes embarrassed or afraid to say. This is especially true in youth, when many feel a lack of self-confidence,” explains Tatyana Rebeko. But adults also often use SMS if they experience difficulties in communication. “If I need to say something unpleasant or very personal to the interlocutor, I would rather do it via SMS than by phone or, as they say, face to face,” says 26-year-old Ekaterina. “So it’s easier for me to abstract from the image of the person I’m addressing, and to formulate more precisely what exactly I want to tell him.”
However, the convenience of SMS is often deceptive. In many cases, avoiding voice communication, we unwittingly fall into the trap: the more concise our text, the more room for interpretation it leaves. “I hate it when my husband sends me text messages,” admits 32-year-old Elena. “Whatever he writes about, I see a lie in every word he says.” Our unconscious loads text messages with meanings that their author may not have imagined at all. “Using the system of “short messages”, we get a minimum set of characters, explains Tatyana Rebeko. What exactly they mean is not always easy to decipher. Usually, the intonation, look, gesture of the interlocutor helps us to understand the meaning of what was said. And when it comes only to a short text, it becomes several times more difficult to comprehend what exactly a person wrote. And we respond to what we understood, not to what the person really wanted to say. At the same time, having received an answer, he will most likely see in it not what we had in mind.
Mobile Analyst
A key aspect of our mobile communication behavior is the uncertainty of the location of the interlocutor and the lack of direct eye contact. “In part, this is similar to the effect that occurs in a psychoanalytic session: the client is offered to lie down on the couch in order to exclude visual contact with the analyst — it is believed that in this way it is easier for a person to plunge into the depths of the unconscious and speak frankly about his desires,” explains Tatyana Rebeko. – Eye contact in human communication plays a paramount role. And when it’s gone, we feel more free from the constraints that morality imposes on us.»
Although the «immoralizing» effect of a mobile phone should not be exaggerated either — rather, it serves to verbalize and realize those of our properties and desires that we cannot realize in everyday life. “It looks like a masquerade or a carnival, where, thanks to a costume and a mask, everyone can try themselves in any role, including completely unusual ones,” continues Tatiana Rebeko. “Moreover, even if we were figured out, we feel that a good half of the responsibility for our behavior in this case lies precisely with the costume, which seems to oblige us to behave this way and not otherwise.”
“A mobile phone cannot make us better or worse,” Natalya Izbutskaya reflects. “He’s just a mirror set at a certain angle, expanding our understanding of ourselves and the limits of the possible. This mirror reflects our deepest desires and needs, and as such, the mobile phone is an invaluable tool for introspection. Another thing is that the interpretation of the information received and bringing it into line with our moral picture of the world, the definition of individual moral boundaries and their observance is our and only our prerogative.