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How to raise low self-esteem? It seems that for this you definitely need to bring something into your life: go through some training, try out new techniques, do at least something. But perhaps the secret is not to try new things, but to abandon the harmful or obsolete old.
For many, social networks today have become something like unceasing background music: they constantly “sound”, are present in life 24/7. People reach for their phone first thing upon waking up, flipping through the feed, and popping in to check out what’s new at every opportunity. And, without noticing it themselves, they compare their real life with virtual images of other people’s lives.
And this, of course, cannot but undermine self-confidence: studies show that the more time a person spends on social networks, the lower his self-esteem and the greater the likelihood of developing depression.
By reducing the time spent in social networks, we get a chance to focus on our lives and what really matters to us. We stop comparing our life with all its failures, falls and failures with an endless string of other people’s achievements.
So try to stop grabbing your smartphone every now and then. Unfollow people who broadcast pessimism or make you feel negative. Learn to resist the urge to go down the usual path and see where it leads.
2. Submissive acceptance of yourself and your situation
Perhaps you are dissatisfied with yourself and your life; your health, the circumstances that have befallen you, the opportunities at your disposal. But what do you do at the same time – dutifully submit to “fate”, accepting that something is “not given” to you, which means that you will not see the life you dream of? Alas, such humility does not add self-confidence.
There is always – or almost always – an opportunity to do something with your life. Start reading “smart books” or go to the gym. Take care of your health or connect with people you look up to. Go to school and try to change the field of activity. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.
Realizing that you are in control of more aspects of your life than you previously thought, you will definitely become more confident in yourself.
3. Avoiding loneliness
Many of us are terrified of being alone, either because we don’t know how to fill the void and don’t know what to do with ourselves, or because we think it’s “shameful” and characterizes them as losers. Either way, it undermines our self-confidence.
But the truth is that you can only deal with this fear by looking it straight in the eye, only by starting to do something that is so frightening: going out somewhere alone, traveling alone, going to the movies or cafes without company. Sooner or later you will get used to it, relax and begin to feel calmer and more confident. And people, by the way, most likely, will immediately reach out to you.
It’s also time to finally stop caring what others think of you. First, any options that come to your mind in this regard are nothing more than your projection. Well, secondly, others are more likely to think about themselves than about you. And they, most likely, are absolutely not interested in the fact that you showed up at the party alone – they are much more worried about their own problems.
4. Self-condemnation
When you shrug off praise and well-deserved compliments by saying “oh, I just got lucky,” “I didn’t do anything special,” “I made a lot of mistakes, it could have been better,” or constantly joke with yourself caustically , you thereby reinforce your own belief that you are not good enough.
Learn to accept kind words and compliments without trying to convince the other person that you don’t deserve them. Even if at first it will be awkward and uncomfortable – just politely thank and do not enter into a discussion.
5. Unwillingness to change
There’s a lot of talk these days about the importance of being committed to yourself, but if you cling to an identity you’ve built over the years and aren’t ready to take even a step away, you’re stalling and stuck in the past.
It is always difficult to change – those around you immediately begin to tell you that you are “not like that”, “it doesn’t look like you”, “since when did you …?” and “But I thought (a) that you …”. And sometimes, peeling labels from ourselves, we bitterly understand that it is necessary to part with one of our friends and acquaintances. It’s frustrating, but maybe you’ve just outgrown your surroundings and it’s time to move on.
6. Confidence that everyone around you is better than you.
In everything, in all respects, in all spheres of life. This confidence is one of the most telling signs of low self-esteem, and it only continues to undermine your self-confidence. Fearing comparisons and judgments, you begin to avoid situations that can lead to them.
But the truth is that we all have hard times sometimes, everyone, even the most talented and successful, has ups and downs, and the fact that someone has more money or a better career and personal life does not mean at all that this person is better than you.
So stop belittling yourself and shrugging off recognition of your success – this is the first step towards admitting that you are worth something too, you are a wonderful person and deserve all the best. You can even make a list of your positive qualities, character traits, skills and achievements – on your own or, if nothing comes to mind, by turning to friends and relatives.
7. Refusing to try to do something
It is important to understand the main thing about self-confidence: behavior gives rise to it, but not vice versa. You cannot become self-confident before you start doing something: we become so when we achieve something, overpower ourselves, when we succeed in something, or when we just take the first step, despite the anxieties and fears.
Bocaccio wrote: “It is better to do and repent than not to do and repent.” Regret is worse than failure: it is better to at least try and survive the failure than not to try at all. It is better to at least try to find the answer than to live your whole life in ignorance.
Don’t let others decide for you what’s possible and impossible, what’s up to you and what’s not, and what you’re (not) born for.