The word “mindfulness” is on everyone’s lips. But what does it mean in sex? Obviously, you shouldn’t be in bed with your partner thinking about tomorrow’s meeting with the boss. But this is not always enough to truly surrender to passion. For those who want to return to their intimate life the sensations and emotions lost in the bustle, awareness will help.
Life is constantly stressful, and we must pay more attention to ourselves in order to stay healthy. Especially often we are pointed to mindfulness in the context of business and leisure, and life in general. It is recommended to maintain a healthy balance between work and other necessary and useful activities for oneself.
But sexologist Nadine Kroll suggests looking at mindfulness through the prism of our sex life.
Almost no one talks about it. Although we are most likely aware that during sex it is desirable to put all thoughts about important household matters and the upcoming project out of our heads. The point is not (more precisely, not so much) to surrender completely on this particular day to the passion that is inherent in us by nature. For some (or for many?), sex has basically faded into the background, giving way to a career, success, prosperity.
It’s not that intimate life no longer gives us pleasure. It’s just that stress and competition force you to spend energy and attention on something completely different. If we can’t switch off, it shows up in our libido.
While science has been able to prove that sex can even help relieve excessive stress, it’s pointless to offer it to someone who is constantly on edge and doesn’t feel like it.
“For those of you who suffer from loss of libido in stressful situations and want to enjoy sex or masturbation more, I have good news because there is help, and this is called mindfulness,” says the sexologist. “Don’t worry, now I’m not advising you to meditate for half an hour before sex, but I’ll suggest something much easier: be mindful during sex itself.
It is important not to put pressure on yourself and another person, but to accept the experienced sensations and processes without evaluating them.
How exactly it works, you can learn best if you try at least once. For example, when you satisfy yourself. In this case, you can devote more time to yourself and there is no need to pay attention to your partner, even if you masturbate next to him.
Take each of your touches and sensations especially sensitively, transfer your attention to the point where the hands touch the body. When you feel your thoughts clouding and flying away again, just bring them back to this point and again focus on the sensations in your body.
Orgasm is not the main thing (although this is, of course, a very good “side effect”). First of all, it is important to feel the body again, switch it from the “think” mode to the “feel” mode and stay in the current moment.
When there is a lot of stress, self-satisfaction often serves only to relieve tension and passes quite quickly. But this is exactly what should be avoided, the sexologist is convinced.
If you want to try mindfulness during sex with a partner, you can first communicate your intention and go on a journey together.
You can get to know each other in a completely new way if during sexual intercourse both completely focus on both your own physical sensations and on the sensations of the other, monitoring his reactions, the strength of arousal, changing the rhythm and strength of the touch, or watching how he satisfies himself .
This is possible even if you have been having sex with each other for several years.
“It is also important here not to put pressure on yourself and the other person, not to demand that you comply with your desires, but to accept the experienced sensations and processes without judging them,” the sexologist recommends. “In the end, it’s not about the number of orgasms and not about orgasm in principle, but about the relaxation and pleasure that you can get without reaching a stormy finish.”