Mikhail Labkovsky is a psychologist with 30 years of experience, a TV and radio host, author of his own method and a book that has become a bestseller. He is known for his popular lectures on psychology, in which he manages to help a person from the audience sort out his own problem right from the stage. In an interview with Psychologies, Labkovsky spoke about what happiness is, how the attitude towards psychologists in Russia has changed, and why a psychologist needs his own therapist.
Mikhail, recently you participated in the STS show “Supermom”. What is your role in that project?
My role is complex. First, I comment on the actions of the heroines. Secondly, they ask me questions about their lives, children, relationships with children. But not about food and cleanliness, and I don’t understand this. Plus, I evaluate them: I can give ten points to my mother, whom I consider the winner, and this can affect the final result. Interestingly, the mothers themselves also rate each other. That is, one participant determines how well the other cooks, cleans cleanly, and brings up well.
How different are the characters on the show? Or are they similar in many ways?
It seems to me that our heroines are a cross section of a Russian family. First, many raise children without husbands. But according to statistics, 54% of families in Russia are incomplete. Secondly, what is not accepted in European countries is here with us – please. But in general, they are completely different: it can be a DJ in a nightclub, a ballet dancer, a housewife, a scientist. They have different relationships with life, children and husbands (who, of course, have them).
Maybe someone is especially memorable?
Television is television, and I find myself a participant in the entertainment process. But I am also a psychologist, so for me the most memorable and interesting thing is when, in the process of communication, a mother changes her attitude towards life and a child. This is the most memorable.
You said that you judged mothers on the basis of whether their children are happy. What is happiness for you? And is there any universal way to it?
Happiness for me is a state that occurs infrequently (it is simply impossible to be happy all the time), but it is beautiful. The path to it is very simple and clear. Only people with a light mentality can be happy: not heavy, not confused, not overloaded with dialogues and monologues in their heads. And people with a sense of resentment, anger, humiliation, unfortunately, happiness is not available. But this is exactly what psychologists help – to become “easier”.
Do you have an easy personality?
Became easier than it was before. When the character was heavy, I was not happy. The severity of character does not make it possible to enjoy life.
You started your career over 30 years ago. Probably, in those years, psychologists were not popular. How has the situation changed during this time?
When I started working at the school (I was a student then), the principal didn’t know what to do with me. The rate was 69 rubles, but what to do? Then there was no training manual from the Ministry of Education, no one wrote what, in fact, a psychologist should do. Today, there are psychologists in almost every school.
Today, of course, visits to psychologists have become more frequent. Why? Because television, radio, magazines, they all talk about it. And people began to treat it as an opportunity to improve the quality of life. Without a psychologist, of course, you will not die, but you are unlikely to be happy either. The point is not how long you live, but how happy life will be. People began to understand that it is possible to get rid of fears and anxiety, and over the years the level of culture of psychology has increased. And this is the big role of television.
In general, is the topic of psychology a good ground for a TV project?
I treat television as entertainment, so I don’t like programs that “load”: when psychologists take out the brain of the patient, the patient takes out the brain of the psychologist, the viewer takes out the brain, everyone takes out the brain to each other. But, as a rule, neurotic viewers love to watch this.
For example, in the series “Psychotherapy”, patients come to the hero-therapist, tell everything that happens in their life, and the series consists of this. I turned it off on the second episode because I don’t want to watch people tear themselves up, get killed, cry. I like to watch funny programs about the same psychologists.
Is it true that every psychologist is a shoemaker without boots, and he needs his own psychologist?
It is a misconception that psychologists are healthier than patients. Usually they are even more confused.
As for how psychologists are doing with their psychologists. Firstly, psychologists, as a rule, are people with problems, otherwise they would not want to hear about other people’s troubles for money. Being engaged in psychology, they solve their problem at the same time. I also started with this, but I managed to break out of this circle, reducing problems to a minimum. And you know, I immediately became uninterested in working as a psychologist. I switched to lectures and now I have very few clients.
In the West, you will simply not be licensed as a psychologist until another psychologist confirms that you went to him for the required number of hours.
Secondly, psychologists all over the world are obliged to go to supervision: to lay out their problems to another psychologist so as not to shift them onto patients. So, for example, in the film “My Best Lover”, the 40-year-old heroine of Uma Thurman goes to a psychologist and talks about her romance with a 20-year-old guy. And the psychologist performed by Meryl Streep suddenly realizes that this is her son, but she cannot say anything, because she is a psychologist and provides assistance. She has to go to her supervisor and, sobbing, talk about her trouble.
Moreover, in the West, you simply will not be licensed as a psychologist until another psychologist confirms that you went to him for a certain number of hours. This is not the case in Russia. They do, but not much.