Contents
Hello! Today we will look at methods for correcting aggressive behavior in children, as well as how to prevent its occurrence. Because if no action is taken, it is unlikely that the child will change on its own.
And there can be many negative consequences. Starting from health problems and ending with isolation due to the inability to build relationships, as well as the status of «deviant».
Methods
Constructive aggression
It is important to release anger so that it does not stagnate in the body, does not accumulate, then bursting out like a fountain on those who have nothing to do with its occurrence. But how do you do it without harming anyone?
Invite the little man to beat the pillow if you notice that he is angry. This will help let off steam. Energy is collected in the hands, shoulders, so when a person is angry, he wants to hit something.
The pillow is a safe object, it is difficult to get injured on it. You can even fight with small soft rollers if you quarreled with the baby and cannot calm down.
Resolution
He should have the right to feel what he feels. Many parents forbid their children from being angry towards them. But adults are living people and do not always cause pleasant emotions.
Accordingly, feeling the prohibition, one has to hold back, releasing steam in completely different places, safer. For example, mocking those who are weaker, or throwing tantrums and arranging a boycott, ignoring comments and requests.
Explain that he has the right to be angry with you, just as you are with him. It is only necessary to express this anger carefully, without causing pain. For example, simply stating that you don’t like it when you do something or say something specific to him. Teach him to be open to dialogue with you.
And most importantly — listen, listen to what worries him. Then, perhaps, it will be possible to avoid outbreaks of aggression. The baby will no longer need them. When a person is heard and noticed, he calms down, relaxes.
Agree that you will discuss and make decisions together when something does not suit someone. Indeed, in fact, anger is a signal that something is not going the way we would like. That’s why dialogue is important. Knowing the reasons for this behavior, it is easier to deal with it.
Feelings
Do not insult or label. When inappropriate behavior, just be sincere. Talk about how you don’t like the way he behaves. It is unpleasant to hear something that he hurts you with his actions.
You should not endure, silence or breakdowns will only aggravate the situation. Listen to yourself, so you will teach your baby to listen to his feelings, to think about what he is doing and why.
Explain what exactly you did not like, say that you do not approve of the ways in which he interacts with someone, satisfies needs, and so on. And also suggest how it was better to behave in any situation. Adults do not always know what to do, what is the best thing to do, but imagine how difficult it is for children who do not really have experience and knowledge?
By the way, to increase awareness, periodically start sincere open conversations, sharing personal information, experiences in order to get to know each other better. For example, take turns answering the following questions:
- What upsets me?
- Infuriates;
- Causes joy and happiness;
- What am I sad about?
- What do I do when I’m angry?
- What helps me calm down?
The list can be continued, form the rest of the questions yourself, depending on your needs and interest.
Aftermath
Provide information about the consequences. Only not to intimidate, but to raise the level of awareness.
Suppose a child wants to gain authority among classmates, so he keeps them in fear. Not exactly an effective way to make friends, is it?
Tell me how you interacted with your peers that helped you get close to them and spend time with pleasure. Perhaps help with homework or an offer to play an interesting game will be more effective in attracting attention than a threat to punch in the nose?
You can also say that while he is talking to you in this tone, you do not want to continue the conversation, because it hurts you, you also start to get angry. So, quickly “lose your temper” and punish him.
Usually children want to receive everything at once. It is necessary to teach that it is quite rare that circumstances develop in such a way that a desire comes true instantly. Sometimes it’s worth waiting, being patient, putting in more effort. But aggression will not help at all to bring the fulfillment of a dream closer.
Suppose a tantrum due to the fact that mom refuses to buy a toy right now will not lead to the fact that she will give up and give her last money, if only he would be silent. On the contrary, he will categorically refuse to fulfill his demand ever.
In such a situation, it would be useful to explain that at the moment she does not see the need to spend money at all, for example, because there are other, more urgent needs. That she wants to please him, but at the opportunity, so you should wait a while.
Or that she was upset because of his rather bright and uncontrollable reactions. And he refuses to give in. That he will buy this thing when he calmly talks about his need, and also calmly accepts the refusal. She is a living person and wants a respectful, caring attitude towards herself, and not fights, screams and so on.
Signal system
The invented system of bad mood signals works effectively. Everyone has bad days. Therefore, it is important that your family has a word or gesture by which everyone will understand that not everything is fine with you and it takes time to cool down, it is important to be alone, or vice versa, support is needed.
After all, how does it usually happen? One of the family members comes home, absolutely not in a resource state, and instead of taking care of him, his relatives, on the contrary, begin to “get it”.
Because they don’t want to accept the fact that the other person has the right to be different from what they want to see at the moment. And then the case ends with a quarrel, mutual insults, insults, and so on.
Therefore, it is important not only to agree, but also to respect personal space, not to violate the boundaries of a loved one. Then he will not need to defend himself, reacting aggressively to every word.
Just ask what he wants at the moment. Quite crumbs need to be given options, because they are not yet as conscious as teenagers and adults. For example: “Are you upset? How can I help you feel better? And do you need my support now? Do you want me to hug you? Or give me the opportunity to be alone with myself?
Creation
Suggest at the moment of experiencing anger, to depict it on paper. Which can then be torn, crumpled, trampled underfoot and thrown into the trash. If possible, let him share what exactly he drew, what he wanted to say, express.
By the way, antics also help and defuse the situation. Especially if the baby is used to holding anger inside himself, being offended and leaving contact. Ask to see a very scary animal that can scare you to death with just one expression of its muzzle.
It is useful to drum, releasing stagnant energy in the hands. Again, if there is no access to musical instruments, then a pillow or mattress is perfect for this purpose. Drum a tune together, imagining that you are rock stars.
True, such games are more suitable for primary school age, with teenagers things are a little different. It is necessary to contrive there in order to have a constructive interaction. Basically, act and offer options based on personality traits and preferences.
Clay and plasticine also work great with anger. You can offer to sculpt a monster, or something that you really want to get rid of at the moment. Let him just sculpt, without going into intellectualization, without trying to make it beautiful. The goal is to express feelings. And only then, together, look at what happened and what images come to mind in connection with the creation.
Sport
Enroll your child in a sports section that meets his interests. This means where he will go with pleasure, and not feel angry every time because of the suppression of his desires. Just remember, if he is inclined to show violence towards others, it is advisable to postpone any types of martial arts at least temporarily. Until he learns to control his emotions.
Otherwise, you, as parents, will have serious problems, due to the fact that he will not only inflict violence, but also know how best to “maim” in order to win.
Choose where he will release all the energy accumulated during the day.
Recommendations
- Remember that your baby is part of your family, so the work must be comprehensive. So before you blame him or get upset that he became aggressive, think about how you contributed to his behavior. In any relationship, the responsibility is distributed to everyone who participates in them.
- Give him more attention, especially during this correctional period. Knowing that close people love, no matter what, inspires and is the most valuable, effective motivation for change.
- Again, work on yourself. Show by example how to constructively resolve conflicts and express your feelings. If you yourself break into a cry at the slightest stimulus, then why do you demand that the child behave differently?
- In no case do not beat him for mistakes. Holding power by violent means is provoking a desire to dominate those who are weaker. Physical punishment does not cause a desire to repent and realize their mistakes. It only angers and hurts more.
- Punishments in the form of deprivation of computer games and the like should be enforced immediately. Since later he will forget why you can’t pick up the phone and will look for ways to influence your decision. And not the most constructive. For the same reason, you should not delay over time, for example, forbidding you to play all day.
- Discuss together what punishment he considers fair for his bad deeds. Agree that for, for example, tantrums, you will ban the mobile phone for several hours.
Completion
Check out this article for the most common causes of aggression. Then, knowing why your baby sometimes breaks down, it will be easier for you to find a way to change his communication style, reactions, and so on.
In extreme cases, contact a specialist who will help you establish not only communication, but also conduct a qualitative correction of his behavior.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina