We prefer to communicate in writing, and often with errors and corrections of the malicious T9, rather than talking on the phone. Why did our communication style suddenly change? After all, writing takes much more time than talking …
“When I want to make an appointment with friends, I mostly use WhatsApp. I rarely call them for this purpose, and they also call me, 34-year-old Sergey admits. – Sometimes it seems to me that phone calls have become less informative, cold, on duty. As a child, classmates always called me on a landline phone, and we agreed on walks or found out what was assigned.
Since my teenage years, I have had a mobile phone, and later a smartphone. The wire telephone from my apartment disappeared, it seems, 7-8 years ago. There are much fewer calls, but there are a lot of WhatsApp messages and voice notes. Through Facebook or Instagram, they also contact me. It’s more comfortable for me”.
And then there are chats, in which people often write just to remind themselves or clarify some general issues, and sometimes throw out emotions. But in groups, no one really likes to answer on the merits, they mostly go into private messages. “There is a lot of flooding in general chats, old boring memes and little depth,” complains 40-year-old Irina, “but it’s better to find out information and exchange it like that than to call everyone.”
The RealityMine Research Institute confirms Sergey and Irina’s perception. In 2015, researchers surveyed 3000 American mobile phone users and found that texting is more popular than phone calls, across all generations, even the mature and elderly. Curiously, women write three times more often than they talk on the phone.
Is there any explanation for the fashion for messages, other than the traditional “it’s faster” or “it’s more convenient”? And are we missing something important between the lines in messengers?
New rules of etiquette?
“It’s easier for me to call than write, especially when driving. But this is not the main thing. At some point, I got tired of the distance. I don’t think it should be like this! exclaims 43-year-old Valentin. – At some point, I myself began to call friends and gradually taught them to do so. I did it just like that. He said: “I want to hear your voice.” At first it was unusual, but in the end, I think it is very refreshing relationship.
But 30-year-old Anastasia and her husband Timur turned calls into a game. “Even my WhatsApp messages, he often answers the phone. And I call him more often, especially from the store. It is extremely inconvenient to write: in one hand is a cart, in the other a bag or an umbrella. I become his eyes and tell what I see on the counter, we “read” labels together, “sniff” together. And this is such a wonderful game and ritual for us.
Sometimes we switch roles. Once Timur chose underwear for me remotely, called from the store via video link. It’s not hard to guess how stormy our night was.”
An unplanned call seems tactless to us – and at the same time we love long phone conversations.
But we have lost the habit of sudden calls, moreover, they even frighten and annoy. Increasingly, strangers are bothering us: sellers of some services or representatives of banks, but their own know that according to modern rules of etiquette, it is better to first write to the messenger, and then call if the other side is ready. Messengers have changed the way we communicate.
“I wish I had more calls and didn’t feel compelled to schedule WhatsApp calls. Of course, it always depends on the person, says 27-year-old Elvira. – I would have called my best friend in the middle of the night in case of anything and would not have asked in advance. I prefer to warn my acquaintances and less close friends and ask in advance, because I do not want to disturb them.
If I need to call a doctor or make a business phone call, I prefer to sit in silence and hate it when someone listens to me. I’m not shy or introverted, but phone calls in a big office used to be a habit for me, and now I tense up and go out into the hallway or the next room if no one is there.
Our parents have already told us so many times that over the phone everything would have cleared up much faster. They do not understand the mentality of generations X and Y at all. An unplanned call seems like a faux pas to us – and at the same time, we love long phone conversations, but only when it is clear that both parties want it.
Blind Chat
But there is something that is definitely not in the messages – facial expressions, gestures, intonation. That is why we are increasingly faced with misunderstandings, when even emojis and emoticons do not save, and sometimes, on the contrary, bring confusion. And those who have lost the habit of calling want to do it again – in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
On the other hand, the biggest problem is often that in a telephone conversation we do not have enough time to think carefully about the words (this compares favorably with an email or a letter). There is no “delete” button in the conversation, you can neither take back what was said, nor “improve” it, but at the same time, gestures and facial expressions – ours and the interlocutor – are ignored during correspondence.
This fear, combined with the fact that we live in a time when phone calls are often perceived as a distraction, can make them a real challenge later on. It is said that there are people who have developed a real phone phobia, and there are more and more sites on the Internet that offer advice on how best to overcome the blocks.
The spoken word “works” immediately and expresses our true emotions without the “translator” in the form of emoticons
A completely paradoxical situation: as a result, we have very intense relationships, but not with people, but with our smartphone. He accompanies us all day, from the moment of awakening to going to bed.
And yet the spoken word “works” immediately and expresses our true emotions without the “translator” in the form of emoticons, and helps to clarify the facts here and now. And, who knows, maybe planning a weekend with friends will be more effective when we just say to each other: “Listen, I miss you, I want to hug you and chat face to face.”