Narcissistic perverts, toxic parents, psychic vampires… These personalities that have been talked about a lot in recent years all use mental manipulation to get what they want from their victims. How do they do it? What are the consequences for the victims? How to get out of it? Here’s everything you need to know about mind manipulation.

Mental manipulation consists of putting in place a hold on the consciousness of others in order to be able to control it in such a way as to make them adopt behaviors that are not in their interest. Seeing his victim respond favorably to his manipulation is enjoyable for the manipulator. Most often, the manipulated person does not immediately realize the bad influence exerted on him because the manipulator uses subtle stratagems that he spreads out over time:

• The double game: the manipulator masters the art of playing on two different registers. He is sympathetic and pleasant to most people, but hateful to his victims and the people who exposed him. The first tender face allows him not to be spotted and to discredit his victim if the latter were to complain about the influence she is under. The second face of hatred is used to him to install his hold thanks to fear.
• Seduction: the manipulator always begins by seducing his victim in order to better manipulate him afterwards. Initially, he does everything to please his prey so that it lowers its guard and feels in complete confidence. The more you feel at ease with a person, the less you are suspicious of them.
• Victimization: once the manipulator understands that his victim is under his spell, he attempts to pass himself off as the victim of others. His goal is not to arouse the slightest suspicion about his bad intentions. By detecting a certain (false) fragility in his manipulator, the victim will seek to protect him and to get even closer to him. This victimization also allows the manipulator to distance his victim from his relatives: “your friends and family don’t like me, it’s obvious“.
• The blackmail : intimidation through blackmail is a weapon much appreciated by the manipulator: “if you don’t do what i ask i’ll put you through hell”. For fear of reprisals and under control, the victim complies thinking that she is escaping the worst. But in reality, she’s already mired in a toxic relationship.
• Omnipresence: the manipulator strives to maintain permanent contact with his victim, for fear that he will escape him. He uses and abuses calls and messages to always be on his mind.

Being the victim of a manipulator generates a lot of suffering. Some signs should alert:

• You feel uncomfortable, stressed, judged and worthless in the presence of this person.
• You are prone to anxiety attacks and permanent anxiety.
• You have less and less confidence in yourself.
• You gradually move away from those around you since you saw this person.
• You suffer from sleep disorders (insomnia, difficulty falling asleep, etc.) and eating disorders.
• You somatize your stress. You have had unusual headaches and stomach aches since dating this person.
• Your behavior is changing. Usually active, you feel tired, demotivated, or even depressed.

To get rid of it, it is necessary to recognize it. However, victims often think that their manipulator is not aware of his abusive behavior and therefore that he manipulates in spite of himself. This denial is strongly linked to the feelings (friendly, family or love) that victims have for their torturer. In this case, there is no will to get out of the manipulation. On the other hand, if as the victim of a manipulator you feel that this relationship is hurting you and that it would be better if it ended despite your feelings for that person, you are on the right track. Yes, but how to do it ?

• Talk about it around you: family, friends, colleagues… Talking about it with other people will help you take a step back and no doubt realize the toxicity of this manipulative person.
• Assert yourself in front of him. Showing him that you can stand up to him and that his attempts at manipulation are in vain will make him feel unsettled.
• Set limits in his presence. And make him understand that he shouldn’t go over them for the sake of your relationship. For this, you must be attentive to your needs and desires, and always respect them for your well-being.
• If the manipulator is your spouse, run away from him. A relationship based on manipulation can never be healthy and fulfilling.
• If the manipulator is a family member, keep your relationships to the bare minimum.

The more confidence you have in yourself, the less you will attract manipulators.