Menstruation and other “forbidden” topics: why talk about them openly?

Talking about female physiology should not be intimidating. Why? This question can be answered by reading the stories of our readers.

Lilia, 31 years old:

I was six years old when my period started. Later, I found out that I had a pituitary cyst (a gland that is located in the head and controls a huge number of body functions. – Approx. ed.) – it was she who launched early sexual development. In the first minutes after this news, I felt ashamed and, of course, scared to death: I thought that I was dying.

It seems that only in the second coming of menstruation, my mother noticed the blood and explained everything to me. I think you can imagine how relieved I felt then. I think that children should definitely be told about the natural processes in the body. And this should be done not at school, but from early childhood.

We don’t laugh when we hear the words “stomach”, “arm”, “leg”? So why should we laugh at other parts of the body and its natural processes?

Anna, 52 of the year:

In my youth, sex and sexually transmitted diseases, as well as unwanted pregnancies, were not discussed at all. These topics were so taboo that it was even scary to mention it. In my time there were many abortions – my friends, older women, did them. God had mercy on me.

I recently rethought my past and even my present: I constantly struggled with being overweight, but once I subscribed to bloggers on Instagram who talk about body positivity. After reading their posts, I looked at my life from a different angle and realized that I lived in self-restraint. For example, she constantly hid tampons and pads from her husband and family.

With my husband, I never discussed menstruation, did not say that my stomach hurts, for example. I couldn’t even say all these years: “Honey, I have my period …” And so it became insulting and painful for myself. But menstruation is just one of hundreds of things that we women do not talk about.

And the daughter does not hide anything and can even tell her father directly, if we are all in the country, that she will not go to the bathhouse, because she has her period. I once asked my husband if this was too frank for him. He answered briefly and calmly: “No.” And then I became even more afraid of the fact that all this was only in my head.

Natalia, 29 years:

I remember I had no one to share my emotions with after I lost my virginity. Everything happened in several stages and with painful sensations. I was 17 years old, I just did not know how things should be.

When it all happened, I hid it for a long time. Then, nevertheless, I decided to tell my mother, she called me a prostitute and did not talk to me for a week. This situation had a profound effect on me.

When I got into a relationship, I didn’t worry about what kind of sex I would have. I was afraid that my mother would think that I was a whore, since I had a new sexual partner. Thoughts of intimate relationships were always accompanied by memories of my mother, and this sometimes drove me crazy. Now I understand that this is not normal. Sex is something that concerns only me and my partner.

Personal experience

Many years of my life have been spent fighting. On the one hand, I wanted to be myself, and on the other hand, I wanted to be a good girl, the one who always feels great, does not bend over from the pain of menstruation, quietly passes a tampon to her friend so that no one sees, is on a diet and, first of all, thinks about the pleasure of a partner in sex.

In reality, I have always been inclined to be overweight (for which I was bullied in childhood), although this is my natural constitution, not a deviation from the norm.

The process of menstruation seemed poetic to me, for me, a writer, there was some kind of beauty of its own, the flowering of femininity, female initiation. I wanted to talk about it openly, write stories, see objects of art in society related to this topic.

I wanted to have that sex in which I would not only give pleasure, but also receive it, not worry about the fact that something shakes during intercourse or does not look beautiful enough. In general, I wanted to live happily, without fear that someone would not like it. But it was scary, because the world dictated completely different rules, you had to be afraid, ashamed and silent.

Many years have passed, many hours of psychotherapy, hundreds of posts on social networks, dozens of books read and studies studied … All this helped me to become closer to the strong and confident woman that I am becoming now. My journey did not end there, I continue to talk about topics that once touched me, so that today other women learn to allow themselves more than yesterday.

Why is it necessary to talk about the “forbidden” openly?

To reduce stress levels

The whole topic of female physiology is taboo. We can’t openly ask a friend for a pad: it’s embarrassing and even embarrassing. If society were calm about menstruation, female sexuality, childbirth, breastfeeding, then the girls would not feel abandoned and unhappy.

If boys had been told in childhood that these were not “female things”, but normal, natural processes, then they could give more support to their chosen ones in the future.

To establish a dialogue with sexuality

The “forbiddenness” of the topic of female physiology makes it difficult to establish an internal dialogue with one’s sexuality. Many women in their 30s, 40s, 50s have never experienced an orgasm and didn’t even think about the fact that sex was created not only for the pleasure of a man or the conception of children, but also for female pleasure.

A few years ago, the Levada Center conducted a study on taboos in the field of sexual and reproductive behavior. It turned out that over the past 20 years, support for social restrictions in this area has grown. For example, the proportion of Russians who disapprove of abortion even in the case of low incomes increased from 12% to 35%. The freedom that was in the sphere of discussing sexual relations is being replaced by more conservative sentiments.

To learn how to talk about your feelings

One of the conditions for happiness is the ability to talk without fear about your feelings, about what is happening to you. Seeing a doctor about menstrual pain is not embarrassing, asking for a pad or tampon is normal, openly discussing your sexual desires with your partner is natural. You can use the direct wording “I’m on my period” or “I don’t want to have sex right now.”

goodbye taboo

I’m sure we still have a lot of work ahead of us, because millennia of patriarchy, in which the whole world lived, created hundreds of restrictions for women. We have already dealt with some aspects, much remains to be done, but the most important thing is not to forget that external freedom begins with internal.

If every woman allows herself to be who she wants to be, is not ashamed of herself, opens up to new knowledge and new experiences, then we will go much faster towards a truly happy life.