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Entering this stage, natural for the life of every woman, many admit that they begin to feel themselves … as if invisible – for others and for themselves. But menopause does not mean the end of femininity and attractiveness.
“I feel lost, I don’t think about my attractiveness – as if it’s indecent for me to think about it,” admits 52-year-old Tamara. “I stop behaving like a woman you can want: I’m afraid to seem ridiculous …” In recent decades, life expectancy has been growing, the average age of motherhood has shifted to a later date, there are more and more means to prolong the youthfulness of the face and body: today’s 50-year-old women do not similar to those that were their peers in previous generations. And yet, neither cosmetics nor an active, busy life cancel the laws of physiology: as a result, for many modern women, the arrival of menopause is becoming an increasingly sensitive, “unfair” event. “At this time, a woman is going through a crisis, internally and physically moving from one state to another,” recalls psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova. “And who she will become when she transitions, of course, worries her.”
Unique experience
In a psychological sense, menopause affects our attitude to motherhood and femininity, and therefore “this period is unique: everyone experiences it in their own way,” continues Ekaterina Mikhailova. One is relieved that she no longer has her period and feels sexuality taking off. And the other mourns: her body has lost the ability to conceive – which, in a symbolic sense, means for her the loss of femininity. It all depends on what resonates in her soul: sadness over the now unrealizable motherhood, fear of the finiteness of her own life, or bewilderment: how is it to separate your sexuality from the ability to conceive a child? “Lost; shame; anxiety; forgiveness; bitterness; humiliation; Liberty; fear; hope; courage; confusion; resentment; peace … ”- this is how the participants in psychotherapeutic groups describe their feelings. “A common attitude is to believe that from now on we, women, are no longer interesting to anyone,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova. – To society – because the time when we were useful is ending, to men – because we are losing attractiveness, to the world as a whole – because we are losing the reproductive function. Of course, everything may not be so – if we assume that our only life does not have to fit into stereotypes. In this attitude, much is really “read” from reality: wives are exchanged for young ones; employers are interested in a woman under fifty, feeling insecure, trying her best not to lose her job; there is no life after thirty in the texts of mass culture… It is important not only to resist these stereotypes, but also to understand: apart from ourselves, capable of an independent vision of life and ourselves, there is no one to find new goals and meanings for the coming years. Menopause, like any transition in life, is not only about losses. The resolution of a crisis always implies development, the emergence of a new, unexpected image of the future, which is worth changing something in life with your own hand. The psychotherapist insists: every woman needs to understand what is happening to her, to realize the changes in order to be able to experience this time in her own way, without repeating anyone else’s path. And many people have such a desire today. “More and more women are actively taking care of themselves,” says gynecologist Marina Shalimova. – If earlier they came with complaints about their health, today they are asking questions about what to do. At fifty, they feel like they are in the middle of life and try to make it active, full, creative…” But this requires knowledge.
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Rethink femininity
“This topic is taboo today: it is not customary to talk about menopause either between generations or between the sexes,” states Ekaterina Mikhailova. – The only thing that is talked about is pure medicine, gynecology with endocrinology, which deal with suffering or future risks. But it is important for a woman to collect the most complete and accurate information about the changes that menopause brings with it: ask questions to your mother, doctor, communicate with friends – the better we imagine what is happening not only with our body, but also with the soul, the less space for fantasies and fears. Marina Shalimova emphasizes: those who pay attention to their well-being, including changes in intimate properties – such as, for example, vaginal dryness, more often overcome this period as winners – without losing a drop of femininity both in their own feelings and outwardly. “I just take care of my health and beauty with pleasure,” admits 56-year-old Tatyana. “For me, it is part of the lifestyle of a mature woman.”
There are other confessions as well. “I feel independent from men, I no longer want to put up with their quirks, to make up. I enjoy the fact that I behave with them as I want and even tease them on purpose … “” I have little energy, and I have not yet learned how to somehow manage it in a new way. Perhaps we need to look for new sources, new roles: I am no longer a “young heroine”, but also not a “comic old woman”. What form of behavior I need now, I have not decided yet … “
“A woman has to do real inner work, accept the inevitable changes and rethink her femininity,” Ekaterina Mikhailova concludes. – By separating sexuality from motherhood, she sometimes gets the opportunity to overcome internal prohibitions and barriers. Many are surprised at the changes that occur when sex loses the seriousness associated with reproduction! In other words, you can survive menopause without losing, but, on the contrary, discovering some new facets of your femininity and beauty. The main thing is to approach this without prejudice. Feel your body alive, take care of it and dare to go towards your desires …
Help yourself cross the line
Menopause corresponds to the period when the ovaries stop working – an average of 51,3 years *. The time of its onset (40-55 years) and how it passes are determined genetically in many ways, but not completely. Smoking brings this moment closer, exercise and a healthy diet can delay it and relieve symptoms.
- Hormone replacement therapy is prescribed by a physician, on an individual basis, for as long as symptoms appear, usually for several years. “Fever, sweating, flushing, nervousness, weight gain, vaginal dryness, cardiovascular disorders are associated with a decrease in estrogen levels,” explains gynecologist Marina Shalimova. – Therapy is needed if the symptoms threaten health: for example, high blood pressure. But other means recommended by a specialist can also improve well-being.
- Herbal remedies containing phytoestrogens are used at the first symptoms. But they are not effective in all cases, and the possible risks of their long-term use have not been sufficiently studied.
- Gentle alternative methods – acupuncture, homeopathy, herbal medicine – can also reduce discomfort.
- Regular physical activity can reduce nervous tension, limit weight gain and reduce facial flushing. “Regular (2-3 times a week) yoga classes strengthen bones and improve joint mobility,” says Maria Schiffers, Iyengar yoga instructor. – Asanas involving forward bends and long exhalation through the nose relieve fever, sweating and palpitations. Backbends stimulate the pituitary and hypothalamus, and as a result, hormones, including estrogen, are more actively produced. Inverted postures, when the head is below the level of the pelvis, regulate the hormonal background in general.
- A sparing menu should contain foods rich in calcium. “It is best absorbed in the evening,” says nutritionist Anna Belousova. – In addition to milk and sour-milk products, there is a lot of calcium in cereals, but only those cooked in milk bring real benefits. Yogurt or kefir with 0% fat content is best left in the store: calcium is absorbed along with fats. Starting from the age of 35–40, you can take dietary supplements containing Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids: this component reduces the risk of heart attacks, normalizes blood pressure, removes cholesterol and free radicals from the body. Eat sea fish at least 2 times a week – preferably baked or steamed. Of the river species, Omega-3 is found only in carp. It is good to include potatoes, legumes and mushrooms in the diet – oyster mushrooms and chanterelles are especially useful. Consumption of pepper, mustard and coffee should be limited. All food should be warm, not hot.” Nutritionist Marianna Trifonova advises adding sesame and linseed oil to salads, porridge or pastries: “They contain antioxidants – lignans, which reduce hot flashes. Chilled herbal teas with lemon balm, mint, raspberry and birch leaves lower fever.”
* According to the authoritative medical journal The Lancet, 2008, November.
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50-55 years Time of change
Survive the changes that this special age brings. Knowing that sexuality does not end with the advent of menopause, continue to nourish sensuality in yourself, which still strives for pleasure, lightness, openness. Resist time in the struggle for your desire, inspired by the joy and thirst for life. Despite the fear of aging, allow yourself to experience the full range of erotic pleasures. Re-experience interest in experimentation; explore new areas of your sexuality in order to better know the depth and power of your pleasure. Living in your body is simple and natural. Accept parting with youth and learn to be more calm about the present. Only this will allow you to experience inner rebirth, feel confident and full of vitality …
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