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How do men understand that the woman they met is the one? Or, on the contrary, that there is no need to rush and you can look for more? What qualities are so catchy in a girl that without five minutes the groom runs to choose an engagement ring? By psychotherapist Brent Berman.
Here are five signs that your girlfriend or the girl you hope to date could be the perfect wife.
1. She meets most of your ideas about the perfect woman.
With age, we begin to understand ourselves much better, desires and needs. We understand what is important to us and what is secondary. /If you’re thinking it’s time to end being single, set long-term and short-term goals.
Who would you like to see next to you every day? What was needed at the age of 20 has probably lost its relevance or has undergone changes. At 30 and at 60, priorities look very different. Clients often say: “We were in love without memory, so we got married” or “Yes, look at her, she is a luxurious woman.” These are not the best reasons to associate life with someone. It is better to choose carefully and practically, not forgetting about feelings and passion.
2. You consider her beautiful not only externally, but also internally
External beauty is important, but it is not a decisive factor. Do you feel spiritual closeness? Are you good with this person? Are your relationships full of drama and showdowns, or do you easily find a common language and support each other, even when both are out of sorts and tired? Do you like her as a person, and not just as a beautiful woman? Appearance is changeable, including men’s. Look deeper.
3. You have common goals
On the eve of the wedding, the priest who was supposed to conduct the ceremony gave the bride and I a list of key moments in the couple’s life. Each of us wrote a plan for how we see these moments in 5 and 10 years, finances, children, careers, sex, ways to maintain the spirit of romance and not get bogged down in everyday problems. It was very helpful and informative. We were able to compare ideas about the family and make sure that we are going to move along the same trajectory.
4. You trust her
Are you often jealous of her? Her friends are single men, but there are no girlfriends? Is she one of those who automatically, without thinking, flirts with everyone in a row? How do you feel about this, as a natural manifestation of her sociability and friendliness? Or do you grit your teeth and guess the password to her phone? Flirting or having male friends does not mean a tendency to cheat, more important is how you feel in this situation.
Are you ready to live like this all your life and not worry? Do you really trust her, or the worm of doubt will undermine you every day? If you do not trust a woman, do not marry, otherwise it will be bad for both.
5. You can imagine getting old together
Usually, at the beginning of a relationship, we are in the thrall of passion. We are sure that we met perfection, the partner does not have a single flaw, she thinks of us in the same way. Please do not make important decisions during this period.
Here are two simple rules that have helped my clients and myself:
- do not start living together if you have been dating for less than a year;
- don’t think about marriage if you’ve been dating for less than two years and living together for less than a year.
At first, we try to show our partner the best version of ourselves. We try to always be nice, helpful, understanding and caring. It doesn’t mean we’re pretending, that’s ok. But no one can constantly wear the mask of ideality. We all deserve to be loved for who we are. This mask is very difficult to keep if you live in the same house and see each other every day for a year, and preferably two or three. Take your time and follow your mind, heart and intuition, not what many follow in a fit of passion.