Men: career or fatherhood?

I realized that I missed the most important

Mohamed El-Erian, director of investment fund PIMCO, resigned earlier this year. The news became a sensation, because PIMCO is one of the world’s largest investors. But, perhaps, no less discussed was the unusual reason for the departure of El-Erian from such a high post.

Here is how he himself explained the decision in his blog on the Worth website: “About a year ago, I asked my daughter several times to do something, if I’m not mistaken, it was about brushing her teeth. I was dissatisfied that I had to endlessly remind her of this, and expressed this in a rather strict tone. In response, she asked me to wait a minute, went to her room and returned back with a piece of paper. It turned out that she made a list of important events in her life that I missed because I was always busy with work.

That conversation hit me like a cold shower. The list included 22 items, starting with her first day of school. There was the first football match in her life, a parent-teacher meeting and a Halloween parade. I felt terrible. Yes, I missed those events. But I had good reasons! Business trips, important meetings, urgent telephone conversations… Then it began to dawn on me that because of all these things I had lost something much more important, my relationship with my daughter suffered.”

El-Erian made the decision to radically change his professional life. He now has a part-time job, much less business travel, and thanks to his flexible schedule, he no longer misses significant events in his daughter’s life. “My wife and I take turns preparing breakfast for our daughter, taking her to school. Sometimes I manage to pick her up from school and take her to extra classes. We talk with her about everything in the world, we do something together. We are planning to go on vacation together,” says El-Erian in his blog.

Read more:

• When I felt like a father

Work and family: find a reasonable balance

Although some observers considered this explanation a beautiful legend (El-Erian’s disagreements with PIMCO co-founder Bill Gross may have been the real reason for the resignation), nevertheless, his post clearly touched on a sore point, receiving a huge response on the Web. The subject of lively discussion was the topic of finding a reasonable balance between work and family.

Of course, it has long been clear that this is an acute problem for actively working women, especially those holding responsible positions. A rare interview with a successful “businesswoman” does without the question: “How do you manage to combine work and family?” However, as male executives of large companies admitted to Time magazine, they had never been asked such a question. Meanwhile, they themselves were anxiously aware that they were sacrificing too much for the work. First of all, the joys of fatherhood. And if they do not take such radical steps as El-Erian, then at least they are trying to find a compromise and devote more time to the family.

For example, father-of-two Brad Smith, CEO of software company Intoit, admitted bitterly that he never spent more than a day with his newborn daughters, leaving them on business trips. “Everything I did, I did for them,” he says. “But at some important moments in their lives, if I had the opportunity to turn back time, I would behave differently.” Having already become the head of the company, Smith started a ritual of joint Sunday breakfasts in the “Daddy-daughter” format at home, during which they can discuss everything that worries their daughters. For seven years this routine has been strictly maintained.

Read more:

• “Fathers lost their bearings”

They have to deal with guilt

Mark Weinberger, Chairman of the Board of Directors and CEO of Ernst & Young, the largest accounting company, admits that he constantly feels guilty, because no matter what choice he makes – in favor of work or in favor of the family? He always misses something. So, for example, this year he had to cancel a trip to the World Economic Forum, because at that time he had to take his daughter to California, where she is studying at the university.

By the way, before taking up his post, Weinberger asked for permission from the children and received it on the condition that he would not neglect his father’s duties. Soon he had to pass the test. It was in China right after his first appearance as head of Ernst & Young. When asked if he would be photographed on the Great Wall of China along with thousands of company employees, Mark replied – no, he urgently needs to fly to Washington, where his daughter is taking a driver’s license exam tomorrow morning. “After that, I received hundreds of emails. No one remembered my grandiose speech, everyone had one thing stuck in their memory: that I returned home for the sake of my daughter, he laughs. – Then I realized how important the example of a leader is for employees. You can talk about family values ​​all you want, but until you yourself demonstrate your choice in favor of the family, people will not believe that they also have a right to it.

But not all leaders have the courage to do so. Robb Fujioka, president and founder of Fuhu, a children’s tablet company, says it’s important for employees to stay connected to their children, even while on the job. Many here take advantage of permission to take their children to the office with them, and there is even a ball pool in the conference room for toddlers. But Rob himself can not find a balance between work and family. “The daughter somehow came from the guests and said:“ My girlfriend’s dad is such a lazy person! He comes home at the same time as her, plays with us, watches TV with us! says Rob. – I listen and understand: this is how a normal family should be … ”He does not remember the holidays, when he could completely devote himself to rest, even during the holidays he has to work. “If we waited until the moment when I could not work at all, we would never get anywhere,” he states. “Our common travels are always a continuation of my business trips.”

Rob Mathias, head of Ogilvy Public Relations, is trying to combine the two. “My eldest daughter is very smart and inquisitive, and I take her with me on business trips,” he says.

What does parenting experience do for a career?

“Today’s men are experiencing the same thing that women once experienced when they first began to actively engage in work,” according to a report from the American Family and Work Institute (FWI), entitled “The Mystery of the New Men.” According to him, 60% of working men and 47% of working women experience internal conflict between work and family. In a Pew Research study, 46% of fathers surveyed admitted that they do not spend enough time with their children (among mothers, only 23% gave this answer). Thus, men gradually begin to admit to themselves their inability to find a middle ground between work and family.

Meanwhile, such a balance is beneficial not only for family relationships, but also for successful work. Another study by the Institute of Family and Work showed that those 32% of managers (regardless of gender) who prioritize family feel more successful at work and suffer less stress.

Top managers interviewed by Time magazine, in turn, admit that the experience of fatherhood gives them a lot as leaders. In particular, as Rob Mathias summarized, children “teach us patience, the search for different management methods, the ability to accept inevitable risks.”

Learn more at time.com