Men are not afraid

The fact that men are not afraid is not a fact, it is a standard of male culture. Fear as a physiological reaction of the body can someday happen in every person (albeit to varying degrees), but a boy brought up as a man must do what he must, and not pay attention to his fears, all the more not be guided by them.

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There is a biological fear (innate fear of the body), there is a social fear (learned, acquired, fear of the soul and mind), and both of these fears must be overcome by a man.

Biological fear protects the life of the body, but a man, as a husband and warrior, must be able, if necessary, to protect his family, his family and his country, must have courage and courage, be stronger than the desire of the body to preserve himself, be above his fears.

And for this, first learn to act, despite the fear of the body, and later, if necessary, remove the fear of the body, accustom the body not to be afraid.

Fear of the soul and mind, fear as a social feeling, was formed in childhood as a way to draw the attention of adults to a difficult situation for a child, as a call for help. In childhood, this was natural and relevant, but an adult should already be able to solve his own problems, and being afraid of a man is not right, not appropriate. There are many terrible situations in life, and the task of a man is not to be afraid (there is no one to be afraid and why), but to do his job.

It is not always necessary to pay attention to your fear. It is often scary in war, but military people perceive this not as fears surrounding them, but as a natural background of a difficult life, where it is cold, hard, and painful. A strong person is engaged in business, not their fears.

If you need to go to the store for bread, and there is wind and rain outside, then a man, going out into the street, does not fight the wind and rain, but goes for bread. If you need to complete a combat mission, and bullets whistle and shells burst on the battlefield, then the soldier, at the command of the commander, does not work with fear, but rises to the attack.

Pain, suffering, loss, the possibility of death — this is not yet a reason for fear. When there are more important tasks, men remove their fears from the field of attention. They are not afraid, because fear in war is when it’s a mistake, when it’s a crime, because if I was distracted by my fears, all the more suddenly I chickened out, I expose my comrades to bullets.

Naturally, little boys do not turn into adult men immediately, and every guy goes through courage training in one way or another. But courage training is personal development, not psychotherapy. It is rather a strengthening of the will, rather than working with fears, although there are similar elements in behavioral therapy (counterconditioning through desensitization) and in the training of young fighters.

During combat training, cadets are forced to crawl under barbed wire over and over again when a machine gun with live ammunition scribbles over them.

When they learn this, when they stop paying attention to their fear and, in fact, stop being afraid, they will become men.

A strong person must be able to overcome their fears. If a boy wants to become stronger, you don’t need to make his dumbbells lighter: the future man needs loads. If a girl (or, even more so, a young man) wants to learn how to become stronger than their fears, then what they need is not psychotherapy that makes life easier, but cooperation in developing their mental fortitude.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.