No one is immune from meeting a narcissist. It can be a boss, colleague or relative. As soon as we learn to accept a collision with him as an important life lesson and say thank you, we will be in a winning position, says psychologist Marina Myaus.
The narcissist is a master of manipulation. It identifies vulnerabilities and strikes at pain points. Even if you are excellent at leading a discussion and finding solutions that would reconcile all parties, you will not find a common language.
You have different tasks: you want compromise and mutual understanding, and the narcissist is trying to raise his self-esteem at the expense of you. If circumstances force us to interact with such people, we need to develop methods of self-defense.
Don’t stoop to their level. The narcissist loves confrontation. He will do anything to make you nervous and lose control of the situation. As soon as he gets personal, tell yourself “stop” and imagine: everything he says does not concern you from now on.
Focus on being polite but closed. Try to end the conversation, but not defiantly slamming the door, but limiting yourself to formal phrases. As soon as you emotionally distance yourself, you will disarm him.
Narcissists teach to give warmth and attention only to those who appreciate it and are tuned in to a reciprocal spiritual movement.
Why say thank you? “You develop your emotional intelligence, that is, the ability to recognize emotions, feel the intentions and motivation of the interlocutor,” says cognitive therapist Marina Myaus. “Meeting such a person will help you learn how to manage feelings and keep impulses under control.”
Don’t feed his ego. Narcissists avoid any challenge in life. They direct all their energy to control the impossible — the thoughts and actions of others. They voluntarily put themselves in a cage, isolated from the spontaneous flow of life with natural experiences and impressions.
But better not get too close and try to feed the egos of these people. All kind words and compliments addressed to them only convince them of their own exclusivity and your, in comparison with them, insignificance.
Why say thank you? “Human connections are a two-way street. Narcissists teach us to give warmth and attention only to those who appreciate it and are tuned in to a reciprocal spiritual movement. We understand that we should not exchange for people for whom we mean nothing.
Don’t take responsibility for his emotions. No need to try to calm him down and provide support if he is angry or upset. Any desire to meet halfway is regarded as a sign of weakness.
Why say thank you? Most of the time he is in a negative frame of mind. “He is desperately afraid of the unpredictability of life, in which people sometimes fail and make mistakes,” explains the psychologist. “The narcissist is a good mirror to see what the fear of leaving the comfort zone leads to, attempts to blame other people for their failures and fight shortcomings not in themselves, but in others.”
Don’t give ultimatums. Relationships cannot be built on threats and demands. This is the most common form of control, which is why the narcissist uses this technique. By following his example, you will put yourself on the same level with him.
Why say thank you? “For the lesson about the need to be yourself, not to change the principles, to respect yourself and the interlocutor in any circumstances, even if you are provoked to reciprocal aggression,” says Marina Myaus.