Contents
Violence and love can take monstrous forms. It seems to us that for any mother, the illness of a child is a nightmare. But there are those who themselves “make” children sick and are even ready to heal them to death. Why do some parents act the way they do?
The consequences
A child was taken to one of the largest children’s hospitals in the capital. The tests were very bad, the mother got a quota from local officials and brought the baby to Moscow. The doctors of the oncology department carried out the treatment – according to their forecasts, the chosen protocol should have led to positive dynamics. However, the patient’s analyzes still showed a sad picture.
For budget money, he and his mother were sent for treatment to Germany. And either the order was there, or the German doctors had already met with something similar, but the mother and the child were separated. Almost by force, despite the cries of the parent and threats to sue everyone. Pretty soon, the child’s tests became perfect. And the mother suddenly disappeared.
Munchausen’s syndrome is a mental disorder in which a person artificially causes or simulates the symptoms of diseases in himself, trying to get everyone’s attention, get to an examination or even an operating table. It was first described by specialists in 1951. In situations where mothers cause such symptoms in a child, one speaks of medical abuse. Psychiatrists have begun to investigate this form of the syndrome since the late seventies.
Another sensational story formed the basis of the script for the TV series The Act. The mother deceived her daughter for years, convincing her that she was seriously ill. The child survived several operations, did not get up from a wheelchair, fed through a tube and endured many medical procedures that, carried out without reason, could be called torture.
Thanks to this, the mother received attention, subsidies, free flights and other “bonuses”, she was interviewed and admired for the resignation with which she “selflessly” devoted her life to her sick daughter.
As an adult, the girl realized that she grew up in a lie. But she still felt like a hostage to her mother’s manipulations. The only outlet was communication on the Internet, but even there she did not dare to write the truth. And would you believe her? In the end, the girl conspired with a virtual boyfriend, and he killed her mother. In prison, she said that she felt much freer than her entire previous life.
Causes
What drives women to such monstrous “motherhood”? An important role is played by attachment – the form that decades ago developed between the abuser and her own mother.
The vast majority of such women had an anxious-ambivalent (anxious-avoidant) attachment in childhood. It is formed when the needs of the infant are not taken into account and for the significant adult the satisfaction of his needs does not matter.
The child adapts, finds ways to be around, cutting back on his emotions and ignoring his own needs, living in constant fear of rejection by his mother. His behavior in the end may look like a demonstrative avoidance, coldness or unwillingness to contact, especially physical. Simply put, these women grew up not knowing what they would get from their mother in a minute – a stick or a carrot.
Obviously, this could not but have an impact on their psyche. But in order to move from an unhealthy attachment to a mental illness, one factor is not enough. Another important point is the childhood experience of meeting death and illness in the past of the abuser.
With anxious-ambivalent attachment, often only the unhealthiness of the child could attract the attention of the mother. In most cases, mothers with delegated Munchausen syndrome grew up in families where the diseases could be used to manipulate others. Often, the abusers themselves not only attributed numerous diagnoses to children, but also used fake medical documents to attract attention.
Obviously, not everyone who grew up in such conditions suffers from a mental disorder and uses medical violence. In the same way, the search for an explanation for such cruel behavior cannot, should not serve as an excuse.
Nothing will return a normal, healthy childhood to those who have suffered from mothers with Munchausen’s syndrome. However, it is necessary to think about the origins of the problem in order to remember once again that everything that happens in life is connected. And inside each monster there may be a small, frightened, unloved child.