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Many married women are emotionally attached to their status. Yes, it is to the status, and this is far from always equal to attachment to the spouse. In modern society, it is no longer customary to call single adult women “old maids”, but an unmarried woman with a child is still of interest to many: how did this happen? Perhaps it is for these women, who have not received any help from their husbands for a long time, that a formal marriage is needed – for peace of mind?
It’s no secret that even with a ring on her finger and all the necessary documents, many mothers actually do not receive support from their husbands in raising children, not to mention equal partnership and sharing of all parental responsibilities.
Author and blogger Ossiana Tepfenhart has formulated 12 signs that you have become a single mother while still in an official marriage.
1. Most of the housework and childcare is your responsibility, and you don’t get any breaks.
2. You not only take care of the children and the house, but you are also responsible for the finances.
3. You often resent your husband for his meetings with friends and naps on weekends. You don’t have the opportunity to relax like that.
4. You no longer expect your spouse to ask you out on a date or just invite you to dinner out.
5. If something from household appliances breaks down, not only will you not ask your husband for help, you won’t even think about telling about it.
6. Your husband demands so much care and attention that you perceive him as another child.
7. You don’t miss your spouse when he is at work, it’s just hard for you from constant loneliness.
8. Even if you imagine that tomorrow you will be left alone, your daily routine is unlikely to change.
9. If you have an affair, your husband is unlikely to notice it.
10. You feel cheated: the marriage turned out to be completely different from what you imagined it to be.
11. You stopped turning to your husband for help, because you know that he will only ask you to stop “nawing” him.
12. You feel lonely and isolated.
Being a Single Mother: Some Benefits
Even if the husband has become an obvious burden, it is not easy to decide on a divorce if you have common children.
Blogger Elizabeth Laura Nelson went through a divorce herself. Here are five reasons why she enjoys being a single mother.
1. No “irritant” in the morning
Being married, in the mornings I had time to cook breakfast, walk the dog, collect lunches for all family members with me, find the missing mitten and separate the fighting children, while my husband only sleepily wandered from bed to the kitchen. Watching him leisurely drink his morning coffee made me impatient. A scandal began.
A single mother has the same range of responsibilities and the same morning chores. But at least I don’t have to freak out anymore watching someone enjoy their coffee instead of helping me.
2. The ability to spend the weekend at your discretion
It was difficult for me to leave my daughters when they went to their father for the first weekend after the divorce, but I got the whole weekend at my disposal. I can go out of town or go dancing at night. And all this – without disapproving comments from her husband and without regard to his interests.
3. The right to make your own rules
My house, my rules. And no more bickering like, “But my dad let me eat chips on the couch…” Am I fully responsible for what happens? Certainly. But I regulate the general rules for everyone, because I’m an adult here.
4. Reunion with friends
The last years of marriage were very stressful, I moved away from my girlfriends. On the one hand, I didn’t want to talk about problems, but I didn’t have the strength to maintain the image of a happy wife and mother either. Only after the divorce, I restored relations with many close people, and our mutual assistance and support give me more than I received from my legal spouse.
5. New dreams
Marriage is lulled by the promise of stability. A married woman knows exactly who she will wake up next to, who will be with her in old age. And that’s not bad – as long as all these thoughts about living together bring joy.
How did I decide to divorce, being the mother of two children? I asked myself: “Do I want my daughter to stay in a marriage in which she is unhappy?” No, I wanted to show her that it’s never too late to change something in life.