Marion Cotillard: I became an actress because I didn’t want to be myself

Now her partner is on the other side of the world. A five-year-old son walks with a nanny on the banks of the Hudson near the skyscraper where they live — she, actor and director Guillaume Canet and their son Marcel. Here we sit, on the tenth floor, in a large, bright, austerely furnished New York apartment. “The role of the luxury of the interior is played by the exterior,” jokes Marion Cotillard. But this idea — to replace the design with an ocean view — says a lot about her.

But she doesn’t know how to talk about herself. Therefore, our conversation is not even running, but walking with obstacles. We climb over questions that give the person of Marion «uncharacteristic significance», we hardly talk about her personal life, and not because she suspects me of an greedy paparazzi, but because «it’s all in plain sight: I met my man, fell in love , then Marseille was born. And soon someone else will be born.»

She wants to talk about cinema, roles, directors that she admires: about Spielberg, Scorsese, Mann, about the fact that each of them creates their own world in the film … And for some reason I, who came for an interview, like the way she gently rejects my questions. I like that in the whole conversation she moved only once — to answer the phone: “Yes, dear … No, they are walking, and I have an interview. … And I love you.”

I love the way her voice softened at that brief phrase, which didn’t sound like a formal goodbye at all. And now I don’t know if I managed to record this Marion Cotillard, a woman from an apartment “furnished” with an ocean view, after hearing it.

Psychologies: You are one of the most famous actresses in the world. You play Hollywood blockbusters, you speak American English without an accent, you play musical instruments. In many ways, you are the exception. Do you feel like you’re the exception?

Marion Cotillard: I don’t know how to answer this question. These are all some fragments from a personal file! What does this have to do with me? What is the connection between the living me and this certificate?

Isn’t there a connection between you and your achievements?

But it is not measured in Oscars and hours spent with a phonetics teacher! There is a connection between the ability to fully immerse yourself in work and the result. And between abilities and awards … for me it’s debatable.

The purest, purest sense of personal achievement I had was when I bought my first white truffles! The ill-fated bunch was worth 500 francs! It was very expensive. But I bought it because I felt like I was finally earning enough for myself. Bought and carried home like the Holy Grail. I cut the avocado, added mozzarella and really felt the holiday. These truffles embodied my new sense of self — a person who can live life to the fullest.

I don’t like the word «connection» when we talk about my, so to speak, social life. There is a connection between me and my child. Between me and the one I chose. Communication is something emotional, without which I cannot imagine life.

And without a career, it turns out, you think?

I do not want to look like an ungrateful hypocrite, but, of course, not all my life is a profession. My career is rather the result of one strange quality of my personality — obsession. If I do something, then completely, without a trace. I am proud of the Oscar, not because it is an Oscar, but because it was received for the role of Edith Piaf. She entered me completely, filled me with herself, even after filming I could not get rid of her for a long time, I kept thinking about her: about her fear of loneliness, which had settled in her since childhood, about trying to find unbreakable bonds. About how unhappy she was, despite the world fame and the adoration of millions. I felt it in myself, although I myself am a completely different person.

I love being alone and before the birth of my son, I even refused to live with a partner. I need a lot of personal time, space, solitude. That’s what I appreciate, not the growth of fees and the size of my name on the poster. You know, I even thought about quitting acting. It turned out to be meaningless. Brilliant trick. I played in the famous «Taxi» by Luc Besson and became a star in France. But after «Taxi» I was offered only such roles — lightweight ones. I lacked depth, meaning.

In my youth, I dreamed of becoming an actress, because I did not want to be myself, I wanted to be other people. But suddenly I realized: they all live in me. And now I was even smaller and smaller than myself! And I told the agent that I would take an indefinite break. I was going to go to work at Greenpeace. I have always helped them, and now I decided to go “full-time”. But the agent asked me to go to the last audition. And it was Big Fish. Tim Burton himself. Another scale. No, another depth! So I didn’t leave.

What does it mean «in my youth I didn’t want to be myself»? Were you a difficult teenager?

Perhaps. I grew up in New Orleans, then we moved to Paris. In a poor new area, on the outskirts. It happened that in the entrance the syringes creaked underfoot. New environment, the need for self-affirmation. Protest against parents. Well, as it happens with teenagers. I saw myself as a failure, those around me as aggressors, and my life seemed squalid.

What reconciled you — with yourself, with life?

Do not know. At some point, Modigliani’s art became the most important thing for me. I spent hours at his grave in Père Lachaise, leafing through albums. She did strange things. I saw a report on TV about a fire at the Crédit Lyonnais bank. And there, at the building of the burning bank, a man in a green jacket gave an interview — he came because he kept a portrait by Modigliani in a bank safe.

I rushed to the subway — in different sneakers and one sock, to catch this man and persuade him to let me look at the portrait up close if it did not burn down. I ran to the bank, there were policemen, firefighters. She rushed from one to another, everyone asked if they had seen a man in a green jacket. They thought I had escaped from a mental hospital!

Your parents, like you, are actors. Did they influence you in any way?

It was dad who gradually pushed me to discoveries, to art, to finally believing in myself. In general, he believes that the main thing is to develop creativity in a person, and then he can become … “yes, at least a safecracker” — that’s what dad says.

He is mainly a mime, his art is so conventional that there are no conventions in life for him! In general, it was he who argued that I should try to become an actress. Maybe I am now thanks to my dad and Modigliani. It was they who discovered for me the beauty created by man. I began to appreciate the abilities of the people around me. What seemed hostile suddenly became fascinating. The whole world has changed for me.

Usually women say this about the birth of a child …

But I wouldn’t say that. The world didn’t change then. I have changed. And even earlier, before the birth of Marseille, during pregnancy. I remember this feeling — two years have passed, but I try to keep it for a long time. An amazing feeling of infinite peace and freedom.

You know, I have a lot of meditation experience, I’m a Zen Buddhist, but my most meaningful meditations are pregnancies. Meaning and value appear in you, regardless of yourself. I am incredibly, deeply calm in this state. For the first time, with Marcel, they asked me: “But how did you decide? A break at the peak of your career!” But for me, having a child has become a necessity.

And when he was born, I changed again — I became just criminally sensitive. Guillaume said it was a kind of postpartum depression: I start crying if I see an unhappy baby on TV. But it seems to me that this is not a bad depression — acute sympathy.

How does fame affect you? Recently, everyone was talking about your alleged relationship with Brad Pitt …

Oh, this is funny. I do not pay attention to these rumors. They don’t have soil. But yes, you have to make a «seam allowance», as my grandmother used to say. I even had to announce that I was pregnant with our second child with Guillaume.

… And at the same time, to say about Guillaume that 14 years ago you met the man of your life, your lover and best friend … But it’s probably unpleasant to make such confessions in public? Probably, existence in such a mode changes something in a person?

But I don’t identify with my public image at all! It is clear that in this profession you have to «shine», watch your face … And after all, any fool can shine … You see, I was delighted that I received an Oscar. But only because I got it for Piaf, in which I invested so much! Fame is a pleasant and, you know, profitable thing. But empty.

You know, it’s hard to believe celebrities when they say: «What are you, I’m a completely ordinary person, millions of fees are nonsense, glossy covers do not matter, bodyguards — who notices them?» Is it possible to preserve one’s identity under such circumstances?

When I was filming with Michael Mann in Johnny D., I spent a month on the Menominee Indian reservation — it was necessary for the role. There I met a man with a lot of experience … domestic travel, I would call it that. It’s close to me. So, I confessed to him that I would like to live simply, because the highest wisdom is in simplicity, and something attracts me to self-affirmation. And that Indian answered me: you are one of those who will not achieve simplicity until you are noticed and loved. Your path to wisdom is through recognition and success.

I do not rule out that he was right, and such a successful career is my path to wisdom. So I interpret it for myself.

You see, my grandmother lived to be 103 years old. She and her grandfather had been farmers all their lives. And the happiest and most harmonious people I have ever known. I have a house outside the city. While there was no Marseille and so many things to do, I was engaged in gardening and gardening. Seriously, a lot. Everything has grown for me! The south of France, there are figs, and peaches, and beans, and eggplants, and tomatoes! I cooked for family and friends myself, my own vegetables.

I love shaking the starched tablecloth over the table. I love the sunset over my garden… I try to be closer to the earth even now. I feel the earth.