Maria Mokhova: “We need to learn to talk about violence without shame”

Maria Mokhova, Director of the Center for Assistance to Survivors of Violence «Sisters»

In Russia, 40% of serious crimes are committed in the family. Every third Russian woman becomes a victim of domestic violence. Our compatriot is 2,5 times more likely to die at the hands of her partner than an American woman, and 5 times more likely than a resident of Western Europe*.

Psychologies: If the husband hit for the first time — do you have to leave right away? And if he asks for forgiveness, promises that this will not happen again?

M. M .: There is no doubt: in a conflict, in a state of passion, he will once again use physical force. And again he will ask for forgiveness. But domestic violence doesn’t always start with a beating. A typical domestic tyrant is not so much impulsive as prone to total control over a woman. Often it all starts with monetary control, with pathological jealousy (which, alas, many perceive as a manifestation of passionate love). The peculiarity of domestic violence is that it develops on the rise: from threats it goes to physical aggression, and each subsequent act of violence will be more cruel.

What should a woman do in such a situation?

M. M .: First, decide if it suits her. After all, it happens that a woman unconsciously looks for a controlling partner, similar to her domineering father. But you can work with it! Secondly, to realize the stereotypes that are dangerous for her: “you can’t wash dirty linen in public”, “you need to save your family at any cost” … If a partner beats, shows violence, you need to talk about it without shame, ask for help — to the police, to crisis centers , call helplines**.

* Statistics compiled by Avon as part of the Say No to Domestic Violence program.

** All-Russian Helpline for Women Survivors of Domestic Violence: 8 800 7000 600; Helpline of the Sisters Center (Moscow): (499) 901 0201.