manipulative crying baby

Children’s crying can be different: there is crying — a request for help, there is honest crying-suffering (sincere, real crying), and sometimes — manipulative, made by a child for …

For what?

Initially, the two main goals of manipulative crying are to attract attention to yourself or to get something from you (give, buy, allow …) Later, when the child builds relationships with parents, the reasons for manipulative crying become, like any erroneous behavior: avoiding failure , attracting attention, the struggle for power and revenge. See →

Externally, manipulative crying can sound very diverse. As a means of pressure, manipulative crying can be a targeted power yell, targeted unfortunate tears of inflammable accusation (playing for pity) and unaddressed tantrums for self-destruction …

What are the prerequisites for manipulative crying, why do children begin to practice it?

There are children who are prone to manipulative crying from birth (children-manipulators), but more often children are accustomed to such crying if parents create conditions for this, especially if such a situation is provoked. When do children start manipulating their parents? There are two main reasons: unacceptable parental weakness, when parents do not stand the test firmly (or they can be defeated by using the inconsistency of their positions), or excessive parental rigidity without flexibility: it is not possible to agree with parents in a good way, they are not disposed to this, then even normal children more often than usual try to use a forceful solution, pressure on their parents with their crying.

Often, the cause of manipulative crying is the lack of parental attention and love in the child, however, perhaps this is more of a myth … See →

How to distinguish the manipulation of crying from an honest request, when the child wants so much that he can even cry? Just as we distinguish intonations of request from intonations of demand. In a request, even in a request we cry, the child does not press and does not insist. He attracted your attention, said what he wants from you, well, he whimpered once or twice or even cried in his sadness — but the child knows that in this matter it is not he who is in charge, but the parents. If the child does not go to “honest negotiations” and puts pressure on his parents until he gets what he wants, this is manipulative crying.

How to distinguish manipulative crying from honest crying when the child is really sick and hurt? These two types of crying are harder to distinguish, but still possible. If a child usually does not cry without serious reasons, but now he has hit hard and is crying, although he has no benefit from this, apparently this is honest crying. If a child traditionally and immediately starts yelling in crying when he didn’t like something and he needs something, apparently this is manipulative crying. However, there does not appear to be a clear line between these two types of crying: it is typical enough that crying begins as quite honest, but continues (or unwinds) as manipulative.

When determining what kind of crying it is, it is useful to take into account the peculiarities of male and female perception: men are more inclined to perceive any crying as manipulative, women — as natural, honest. If a conflict of visions arises, then in life the woman often turns out to be right: simply because ordinary men take care of children less often, and if a man is tired and annoyed, then any crying seems special to him. On the other hand, if dad is also involved in a child, then dad is more likely to be right, since men usually have a more objective view of the situation.

How to respond to crying manipulation?

Manipulation of crying should be treated as if it were normal misbehavior. Your ground rules are: calmness, firmness, format, and positive instructions. See →