Contents
A child-manipulator is a child with a tendency to influence others (adults and peers) in a targeted and appropriate way, choosing actions, words, emotions, intonations and formulations in order to get the desired reaction or answer (see Manipulator). The manipulator, who is also a communicator, arranges interesting and complex multi-moves.
Illustration
- Picnic
The family is going for a picnic, the son suddenly says: “You know, I don’t feel like something. I’d rather stay at home, read books … ”(of course, he’s lying, he doesn’t plan to read any books). But when he made such a statement, and the family was already all set up — what should all adults do? Now everyone will persuade him, promise joy and entertainment. And the child will show that — no, you know, it’s somehow not interesting enough anyway … In the end, he will agree, but then at least the parents will lay all the preparatory chores not on him, but on the foolish sister, who initially discovered enthusiasm …
- Personal example — Anton Klenov
A child at the age of one and a half years is a talented, already fully formed manipulator, able to substitute and knock adults with their foreheads.
Child-manipulator: congenital or acquired
Some children seem to be born with an inherent tendency to be manipulative.
These are not evil children, and manipulation is not a negative, but a neutral characteristic. But they love to twist, play around, they have no (or almost) no simple natural emotions. Everything they do, they do for a reason. They may well be sincere, but they do sincerity just like any other state of theirs to effectively influence others.
And other children are born — simple, unsophisticated. They do not invent anything, they feel what they feel and say what they feel. See →
Prerequisites for development
There is an assumption that a child-manipulator is a child with a weak center of fear. They shout at him, but he is not afraid. He listens to the scream, looks at the screaming face and, as usual, looks for options to get what he needs.
What pushes a child to develop as a child-manipulator?
The first possible circumstance is the natural development of the child, the assimilation of more effective forms of influence by him (it can be both the child’s personal creativity, and the result of the influence of adults — their education or the product of infection).
The second possible circumstance is an unsuccessful relationship between the child and parents, as a result of which the child develops distrust, secrecy, a desire to attract attention, seize power or take revenge on parents through manipulative games. See Causes of Conflict Behavior.
Development direction
Child-manipulator — can be both congenital and acquired type of behavior (child’s personality trait). A child can be born a manipulator, or maybe a simple, unsophisticated child. It seems that a manipulator can develop from a simple child over time, but, according to observations, a manipulator does not turn into a simple child.
Interestingly
On the Sinton forum, I met this position from a woman:
When ALL measures have been tried, all attempts at persuasion and ways «in a good way», talking from a position of strength is the only effective one.
It is useless to appeal to the good side here. The manipulator pursues its own, hard goals. Lisping and flirting with terrorists is not wise. Manipulation is a technique below the belt and, in essence, the use of force. Responding with force for force is quite adequate. The main thing is efficient.
Question: How applicable is this to a manipulative child?