L. Yakubovich conducts a conflict, but the conflict is controlled. Intonations are calm and measured.
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Managed conflict is the last stage of a civilized conflict resolution. At this stage, we implement threats, apply (as a rule, negotiated) sanctions, but at the same time show a way out.
For example
Nikolai Ivanovich, could you give examples when you consider this or that physical impact to be applicable (and, presumably, more effective than other methods)?
The last time I spanked my daughter was when she was seven years old. She tried to get something from her mother by crying, her mother spoke kindly to her, and so did I. No, she does not want to listen, she liked to get her way in this way. When she calmed down and her mind returned, I warned her: “If another time, when you want something, you start crying to your mother, instead of talking to her normally, I will slap you hard on the pope. We can’t achieve our goal by crying, we only talk good things with mom. All clear?» «Understandably». A day later, I had to spank. Surprisingly, the daughter reacted smarter than all adults. She asked: “Come on, next time, if I forget, don’t spank me right away, but warn me first?”
I promised. I had to warn a couple of times, but since then there have been no problems.
Tell me, if reminders, warnings and squats work quite effectively in your family, why in this particular situation did you choose not the same squats, for example, but a slap on the pope? Arguing?
Because she simply will not squat in that situation. What for? She also makes a test of our strength. And in our family, reminders, warnings and squats work effectively, in particular, because once, a very long time ago, the children realized that there was no need to measure strength with their parents. And given that we are a peaceful family, we love children, there are no reasons for new “measurements of strength” for a long time.
Alina cannot leave her mother
Here you can see an example of counseling:
Now I have a difficult task ahead of me — to part with my mother, who asked to live 6 months ago, and now decided to stay forever. She has her own apartment, she rents it out, lives on this money and is happy. I’m like in a trap — until she eats, she won’t leave. I know it sounds silly — an adult 37 year old woman cannot agree with her mother. And here I am in a trap. Requests and persuasion do not help — she only becomes more impudent, interferes in my life. And you know, I don’t even have enough imagination what to come up with. See →