Sometimes we don’t even realize how differently we perceive the same event. How not to turn these contradictions into conflict, but, on the contrary, turn them to the benefit of relations?
The difference in responses is laid long before birth, when the brain of babies, depending on the sex, is exposed to different hormones. Testosterone is the key hormone responsible for the dissimilarity not only in physiology but also in the way we think. In some representatives of the stronger sex, the traits due to them are especially noticeable: decisiveness, aggressive pressure, excitement.
“Most men think in a fairly predictable way,” says coach James Bauer. — It sometimes seems to a woman that her partner deliberately shows stubbornness and rigidity when she expects tenderness and sympathy from him. In fact, he’s just acting masculine.»
When communicating with men, you most likely paid attention to certain patterns.
He does not notice some things. You made a collage of vacation photos and hung it on your bedroom door. You ask your partner how he likes the idea, but he does not understand for a long time what you mean. Your collage simply did not catch his eye.
How to react? With humor. Some creative ideas will be better understood by a friend or sister who is close to your gender. That’s who will notice the collage on the door, and the smallest details of your image.
“A man is able to appreciate that you look good today, but he won’t realize what has changed in you,” explains family therapist Marina Myaus. “For him, aesthetic details that make you feel happy don’t matter much. They fall into the realm of distraction from solving serious problems, and therefore do not deserve much attention.
Give the man control. This will help him relax and feel that the house is his male comfort zone.
He needs to be in control of the situation. When you watch TV together, the remote is likely to be in his hands. It seems to you that he thoughtlessly switches programs, but in fact it is important for him to realize that he does not miss something interesting.
How to react? If he doesn’t want to manage things that really matter, let him dominate things that aren’t that important to you. “Try to separate areas of interest,” the psychologist suggests. — It doesn’t matter to you, in whose hands is the remote control? And he, most likely, does not care what color the pillows are on the sofa. Give the man control. This will help him relax and feel that the house is his zone of male comfort.
It is important for him to find a quick solution to any problem. You came home tired after a day of work full of stressful situations. You want to share your feelings with your partner. After listening to you, he tries to immediately find a solution to the conflict. It is difficult for him to understand: you just want to be listened to. You need to throw out emotions, and the last thing you intend to do now is to look for rational solutions.
How to react? With thanks! The partner listens attentively to you and sincerely wants to help. By help, he understands the search for the optimal solution. Even if you don’t have the strength to think about resolving the conflict right now, a sober and detached look at the situation will help you treat it differently the next day. In the end, a decision will have to be made.
By criticizing men for typically masculine blunders, we deny them their natural way of living.
He does not hear your words. You say something to your partner, he nods in response and even says: “Of course.” At the same time, his attention is focused on something completely different.
How to react? Accept the fact that he can only focus on one activity. “Supporting any, even the easiest conversation, the male brain evaluates as a new task,” says Marina Myaus. — Before accusing him of inattention, think that his reaction is a show of respect for you. He does not want to listen to you formally. If he starts a conversation with you, he will be completely included in it. And, by the way, he is offended when you, while discussing an important issue with him, are washing the dishes at the same time.
“The other side of these mismatches is that we are so attracted to each other,” recalls James Bauer. “When we learn to accept difference, instead of trying to convert each other “to our faith,” we will find the precious balance that we strive for.”
By criticizing men for what we think are typically masculine blunders, we deny them the natural way for them to live, feel and think, and try to deprive them of the most important thing — the manifestation of their masculinity.