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Solo moms: how to find the right balance on a daily basis?
A few years ago, Christine Kelly, a journalist who became a member of the Superior Audiovisual Council, launched through her foundation “Emergency K 10 proposals” to improve the lot of solo mothers, who are more and more numerous. Fortunately, not all single mothers live in economically difficult situations, but single parenthood appears to accelerate precariousness. The unemployment rate for single mothers is 17% against 9% for mothers in a couple, and the poverty rate is two to four times higher in single-parent families. Faced with everyday difficulties, having one or more children turns out to be a driving force as much as a burden. A reason to live, yes, but also an obstacle to financial autonomy. This is all the ambiguity of these situations.
Finally get out of the hassle of housing
Having a roof over your head, for yourself and your little ones, is the minimum condition for a semblance of stability. However, a separation considerably complicates the question of housing. It is by force of circumstances that Louise, mother of two children, 7 and 2 years old, applies the device recommended in her time by Françoise Dolto. : the children stay in the family apartment and the parents take turns with them. “My partner and I have decided to go our separate ways, but at the moment we alternately live in the apartment. When it’s not my turn, I live with friends, the same for him. It is not practical and it will not be able to last, but here we have no choice. We have too little income to each find housing large enough for an adult and two children. ” Single mothers are more and more the first public concerned by social housing and emergency aid. Why ? Because real estate prices have skyrocketed. Together, we make economies of scale and we still manage to find housing, even with low wages. But with just one small income, this is no longer possible. Who to turn to? The Habitat et Humanisme Federation offers several types of support to mothers in difficulty: autonomous housing at low rent, social residences acting as hostels, or even intergenerational buildings where elderly people and single mothers can help each other.. In Paris, assistance has been set up for single parents, “Paris Accommodation for Single Parent Families”, which since 2002 has enabled 8 families to stay in the capital. Another very valuable organization for single mothers: the Temporary Work Social Action Fund * (FASTT). For three years, it provides free rental guarantees for women who live in the private park. 4 single mothers have so far benefited from this system. Two young women, for their part, had an excellent idea: to launch the first free site dedicated to the colocation of single-parent families. Cotpooling.com will be operational at the end of June and it is already possible to register.
Obtain childcare and financial aid
Mothers are often on parental leave or unemployed upon separation. The main obstacle to resuming a professional activity is the lack of childcare. This is the crux of the matter. They often do not have the means to pay for a childminder or childcare at home, and crèche places are too scarce.. This is why more and more municipalities consider single parenthood as a priority criterion for the allocation of places in collective establishments. Another welcome support for these mothers: Personalized Return to Employment Assistance (APRE). This allowance, received by RSA holders, includes payment for childcare costs. In this area, the FASTT is also a real help. If the mother gets a temporary assignment and she urgently needs to find a reception solution, especially on weekends or during very staggered hours, the FASTT will look for home care and take care of it. 95% of the cost. Another good plan: the Gepetto network. These relays offer care for children up to 13 years old, at the parents’ homes and by trained professionals, mainly focused on staggered hours and with decreasing prices according to the family quotient.
There are a few nudges that are welcome nationally, and more often locally. Single parents thus benefit from an increase in the income ceiling with regard to the allocation of the birth premium or the basic allowance of the PAJE.. The CAF can also grant one-off aid for leisure activities or going on vacation. Do not hesitate to get information from the CAF on which you depend.
Cities can also locally offer specific support measures. The services of the city of Suresnes thus modified in 2013 the calculation of the family quotient so that single-parent families pay less for the canteen, leisure centers and the conservatory.
Make everyday life as easy as possible
Even if the spouse only took down the trash, when he is no longer there, it is still an additional constraint to assume. The mental burden on single mothers is considerable. So, obviously, for them even more than for the others, the organization must be flawless: anticipation, to-do lists, solidarity network with other single mothers in the neighborhood.. Then, to avoid the burn-out induced by the daily litany of timed chores, there are a few tips, which Diane Ballonad recalls on her site zen-et-organisee.com: give yourself micropauses of 2 to 5 minutes, do at least one action a day “in conscience”, such as savoring your coffee, listening to the silence (whenever there is any!), res-p-rer. The paradox when you are a solo mom is that in the end, you are rarely alone! Hence the need to take advantage of the slightest moment stolen from your children to disconnect from everyday life.
* www.fastt.org or 0 800 28 08 28
In video: Pregnant and solo mom: what to do?
And on the maintenance side
In the event of non-payment, you can turn to CAF for help! The CAF or the MSA are responsible for paying you a family support allowance (ASF), considered as an advance on the alimony which is normally due to the children. This guarantee is valid when the “debtor” has not paid alimony for 1 month and the children are the responsibility of the creditor… Download your ASF request online
Do you want to talk about it between parents? To give your opinion, to bring your testimony? We meet on https://forum.parents.fr.
