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Do you always refuse sweet and fatty foods? But no product is harmful in itself, reminds psychiatrist and psychotherapist Gerard Apfeldorfer. Here are four exercises that will help you redefine your own views on food and rediscover the source of pure pleasure in it.
Raw-smoked ham and french fries, eclairs with custard and golden breaded chicken leg … Just the sight (not to mention the aroma) of these products excites the senses. Sugar and fat fascinate us, and it is all the more difficult to resist them because, at a deep, unconscious level, we strictly taboo their use.
The attitude to food, based on two criteria – “possible” and “not”, becomes a real trap during sumptuous family meals, New Year’s feasts or friendly feasts: it is almost impossible to maintain control over oneself at such moments.
The fashion for thinness endlessly increases the list of forbidden foods – as well as the number of diets designed to protect us from them. It’s not just about those who constantly exhaust themselves with limitations.
“There are food taboos for almost everyone,” explains Gerard Apfeldorfer. – Forbidden, I call those foods that we try to avoid in everyday life, but which we begin to absorb in huge quantities, as soon as we lose control of ourselves even for a minute. Thus, a vicious circle arises: the more severe the prohibition, the more inevitable and negative the consequences of its violation. The stronger the taboo, the more we depend on it. No product by itself causes immediate weight gain – it all depends on our attitude towards it.
The purpose of these exercises is to restore inner balance by learning to accept “dangerous” foods as ordinary and to use those that are impossible to resist with moderation. These exercises are used in psychotherapy and require perseverance and effort, like any serious work on oneself. Therefore, do not despair if at first glance they seem impossible. It takes time to learn to relate to food clearly and calmly, without guilt and fear that something in this life may not be enough for us.
1. Divide products into 4 categories
Your absolute taboo. In relation to these products, you apply the principle of “all or nothing”. Either you do not eat them at all, or you consume them in huge, truly bulimic quantities. You make an incredible effort to stay away from them and not even think about them. In a word, this is your obsession.
Your partial bans. In some circumstances, you allow yourself to consume them in moderation. But sometimes you break down and absorb without measure. Sometimes they act as a “trigger”: you start eating them, and a gap is formed in your fortress, into which a stream of “unconditional taboos” rushes. This explains the distrust of these partially forbidden products.
Example: first you eat a sweet date (partially taboo), then a couple more (not so scary), and then pounce on chocolate (an unconditional taboo).
Products you need. In your belief system, they are “healthy” or “keep fit.” Not using them, you feel some guilt. For example, these are steamed vegetables, fish or kefir.
But such beliefs lead to an unexpected result: having eaten one of the absolutely forbidden foods, we most often overeat those that belong to the “mandatory” category. The logic is this: “Dinner will be boiled cod, because today at work we ate too many cakes!” Unless, of course, you decide to “tighten the screws” and eat nothing at all to correct the situation. You’ll skip dinner and get yourself… a double helping of wine.
neutral products. You do not experience any special problems with them, do not classify them as either forbidden or mandatory. You consume them in moderation unless you have something else on hand. It can be fruits, vegetables, certain types of dairy products, some types of meat.
2. Include a forbidden food in your daily diet
Choose a partially banned product. Better the one that seems the least dangerous to you (for example, full-fat cheese, not chocolate ice cream) and which can be eaten during a regular meal. Replace part or all of one required or neutral product with it.
Example: you can replace cottage cheese or half a serving of salad with a piece of Camembert. Purpose: to learn to treat the forbidden product as an ordinary one and stop endowing the obligatory products with magical sacral power.
Prepare a small portion of this product in advance. It should be smaller than usual (about half of it or a third). Example: half a slice of camembert plus half a slice of bread, which you will put on the table in advance in a small plate just before the start of the meal.
Eat it at the end. It is important to follow just such a sequence, because at the end of a meal we no longer feel so hungry, therefore, the risk of losing control of ourselves is significantly reduced. Eat the forbidden food every day until the feeling of anxiety and guilt disappears.
Eat it in small pieces, keep each in your mouth longer until you taste the taste, feel the aroma and texture. Focus on the taste sensations: is it as tasty as you expected? Does every next bite bring you the same pleasure? If yes, it means that you have learned to treat this product calmly.
Move on to another forbidden product. For example, eat two chocolate chip cookies at the end of your meal – put them on the table in advance in a small plate. Then you can replace them with a piece of chocolate.
3. Throw away forbidden food
Deliberately throwing away food – the hand is not raised. Indeed, this radical gesture is capable of shocking many: after all, so many people in the world are starving. And yet, this is not about criminal squandering, but about acquiring a conscious experience of loss: having learned to part with food at will, later you will be able to use it in moderation.
If I put half a half-eaten chocolate bar in my pocket, I will know that I can eat it, I think about it, which means I depend on it. The feeling of fear makes us stock up, eat without measure, fearing that something may not be enough in the future – for example, we will go on a diet. To get rid of this fear, it is necessary to experience the risk of such a lack.
Choose a partially banned product. You can start with what you would have thrown away a little later anyway: leftover dishes, fruit, the last piece of ham … You will make it easier for yourself if you choose a product that you will not regret parting with too much.
Find the right moment. Obviously, it is much easier to do this at the end of a meal than at the beginning, when you are still hungry.
Moderation reconciles us to our food, helping us make informed choices.
Throw so throw! So that there are no escape routes left. Don’t toss a package of cookies into the wastebasket: neither you nor anyone else (not even your dog!) should be left with the slightest chance of getting to it. This product must be lost to everyone forever.
Listen to the sensations. Does this sound like too much to you? Very possible. But each loss awakens strong emotions, on which it is necessary to stop attention at least for a moment in order to better understand your attitude to food. Relief, guilt, regret, anger, pride, anxiety – what exactly are you experiencing at this moment?
Throw away the same product every day. Or similar to it, that is, having the same symbolic value. Continue until the negative emotions associated with this gesture are dulled, and later disappear completely.
Switch to a completely forbidden product. What is it for you – smoked meats, pastries, chocolate? Keep doing the exercise until you can throw it all down the garbage chute without shuddering in horror!
4. Eat a little, throw away the rest
Choose a partially forbidden food and a moment when you are not too hungry. Divide the serving into two unequal portions. You guessed it: you will only eat the smaller one! First, you throw away (really!) most of it so that there is no temptation, and observe the sensations.
Give yourself time to taste. Focus on aromas, texture, taste. Experience everything for real. Eat a (small) portion of the forbidden food every day, throwing away the other. Gradually, you will begin to get used to the experience of loss, the food itself will seem tastier, and the feeling of guilt that you throw away some of it will gradually go away. Comfort yourself with the fact that tomorrow you will again get a small piece.
Congratulate yourself: you are moving forward. If you expect to lose a few pounds, these exercises will not evaporate instantly. Moderation allows us to slim down slowly as we begin to eat no more than necessary. And most importantly, it reconciles us with our food, helping to make a truly informed choice.
Chocolate: can not be banned – allowed?
This sweetest of forbidden fruits literally concentrates our passions and prejudices. It is alternately called either a black hole in which both a slender figure and the human will perish, or, on the contrary, a natural cure for stress. Chocolate is both a food and an object of our most burning fantasies.
The main thing, says Gerard Apfeldorfer, is to treat chocolate as the most ordinary product. We complain about its nutritional value, which is in fact its main advantage. “It got to the point where we began to complain that food nourishes us. However, the more nutritious the food, the tastier it is, and the tastier it is, the less it is needed to enjoy it, that is, to get enough of it. Instead of blaming chocolate for all sins, it is worth changing your attitude towards it: giving preference to quality, savoring a small piece with taste, telling yourself that it will be followed by another … only tomorrow.
About the Expert: Gerard Apfeldorfer is a French psychiatrist and psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders.